Daily Check In #4

10 months clean & sober today and I feel like using. I've been depressed pretty much since they put me on haldol almost 3 months ago and I'm dealing with some hellish side effects I have a feeling some oxy might help with but I'm on valium and last time I mixed opioids and benzos I almost died so and I'm not willing to stop the valium just to get high. Well, I am, but again I won't.

Congratulations on your ten months!

I'm freaking out in every single way that I can

This feels like a bit of a miracle to me. I just finished a really intense 8 week trauma therapy program, and I wasn't triggered to drink once, which was something I was a bit worried about when I started, But the thought of drinking didn't even occur to me. I feel so grateful for my sobriety.

Congratulations! That is just so awesome!!

Meds;
Invega Trinza 525mg 12/w
Vyvanse 60mg
Dexedrine XR 15mg
Wellbutrin 150mg SR
Atenolol 2x 50mg
Olanzepine 10mg
Zopiclone 3.25mg
Clonazepam 0.25mg PRN
(Adjusting)

Vitamin D 1000iu
Fish oil 2x
Coffee in the morning
Evening CBD weed
Tea at night

Phenibut (Tapering down to take 500mg 2x a week)
Nicotine gum (Will quit after a few weeks on 300mg Wellbutrin)
Alcohol (STOPPED DRINKING)

Shroom (Rarely)
Alprazolam (Keep in case)

+ Other things.. that can be therapeutic.. nature.. therapy.. family/friends.. music.. hobbies.. learning.. socializing.. life changing events.. vacation.. eating healthy.. exercise.. regular comfort.. stepping outside comfort.. contributing to society/the world (Or not).. finding meaning.. questioning values/convictions.. pets.. self care.. feeling wide range of emotions/experiences.. sharing what is inside my head.. creating art/expressing self.. having fun.. overcoming challenges/solving problems.. general enjoyment of life.. being a person..

idk stuff like that..

It's going to take a bit of time to taper these drugs. Maybe it will take a month... Or more. I'm not sure.

Sooo... I have a script for Vicodin after having a few screws put in my broken hip. I'm in a **** ton of pain and haven't filled it yet. I can't give them to my dad (who I'm living with currently) because I know he'll go through the whole thing himself in a few days. I could go back to my mom's and have her dish them out to me as frequently as they're prescribed. Tylenol and ice aren't doing jack for my pain. I really wanted to recover without taking a single rx painkiller.

((((((((Sapien))))))))

(((Sapien))
I'm sorry you're in pain. My addictions Dr. has always told me that if a Dr. legitimately prescribes me pain pills to take them, but then they were never really my thing,

Staying with your Mom for a few days sounds like a good plan if possible,

Thanks. I'm at my mom's and she's giving me one pill at a time and locked up the bottle in a secret location. It doesn't hurt too bad now and I'm not even really tempted to take more.

That's really good news Sapien. Thanks for the update.

I feel like using again. I'm about a week shy of a year clean and for some reason it's bothering me, although I was happy when my therapist told me they added "substance use disorder- in remission" to my list of dx's now I'm thinking I don't deserve the last two words. I'm not going to lie I really miss the high.

Hang in there Sapien!

Sapien,

Hang in. I know that I had increased cravings arouund my 1 year mark, and I've heard it enough times from other people that I think it's pretty common. But look at how far you've come and how hard you've worked. Is it worth blowing that for a temporary high that could really set you back.
Stay strong.
splitimage

So I'm still on track to making a year (on Friday) but I'm still mad struggling with intermittent urges to use. These urges are about as intense as when I first stopped the opioids. I don't get why I'm having them all of a sudden. Yeah, it's about a year since I did anything but why should that matter?

Read up on Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). It's a cluster of physical and mental symptoms that can appear in poeple in early recovery. One of the symptoms is having urges to use. It often hits around the one year mark.

You can get through this, and I'm looking forward to celebrating with you on Fri.

Made it!

Congratulations! 😃 Well done!

Congratulations! That's fantastic Sapien, I hope you did something nice to celebrate.

Can't stop taking things

I relapsed. Reached my year and said fk it.

No one can take the excellent year away from you. You can start another long streak!