Daily Check In #4

Desoxyn · Mar 09, 2020 at 04:04 PM

****s SAKE phenibut it like alcohol makes me social and I'm not social at all off of it. When I take it, I get peridlcarisis or what ever the **** and high blood pressure and these ****ing xanaxs and zopiclone are ****ed I want off everything I'm sick of waiting and life itself suck of people

childofchaos831 · Mar 15, 2020 at 04:06 AM

My sponsor said something tonight that upset me more than I already was... I was trying to tell him I have been feeling sui. He said sometimes he feels like I want attention. WTF... I don't understand how someone can say that when the other person I already struggling. The only reason I survived Wednesday was because I dissociated... (I told the IOP T Thursday and we discussed things after group.) I haven't told my sponsor that part because he is also a social worker and I would really rather not deal with a welfare check. IOP T was ok letting me leave, I don't know what sponsor's level of comfort is... But really, I want attention because I get sui a lot? How about I'm sui all the time, at least passively, and I just don't mention it most of the time...

Sorry the whole "doing it for attention" mindset really pisses me off... I just needed to rant for a minute.

splitimage · Mar 15, 2020 at 07:36 AM

childofchaos, you're sponsor sounds spectacularly uninformed, especially if they are a social worker. Personally, if it were me, I just wouldn't mention it to them again, and just would consider dealing with the the SU ideation with help of your IOP and T.

I'd also consider looking for a new sponsor who has actual experience in dealing with mental illness. That's why I really like double recovery meetings. They get it, and it's ok to talk about both mental health and addiction in the meetings.

Hang in.

splitimage

childofchaos831 · Mar 15, 2020 at 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

childofchaos, you're sponsor sounds spectacularly uninformed, especially if they are a social worker. Personally, if it were me, I just wouldn't mention it to them again, and just would consider dealing with the the SU ideation with help of your IOP and T.

I'd also consider looking for a new sponsor who has actual experience in dealing with mental illness. That's why I really like double recovery meetings. They get it, and it's ok to talk about both mental health and addiction in the meetings.

Hang in.

splitimage

Sponsors are hard to find at my home group. I'd have to go to another group to find one... I'd actually thought about that too. There just aren't any double recovery meetings here. We have one NA meeting that advertises mental illness talk is okay. And my home group is okay with it too. Some groups aren't.

puzzclar · Mar 21, 2020 at 01:22 AM

115 days!!! In 5 days I'll have 4 months!! I give this win to my higher power. May you find something that helps you.

Bill3 · Mar 21, 2020 at 02:08 AM

Congratulations!

splitimage · Mar 21, 2020 at 08:09 AM

My addictions Dr. has agreed to prescribe gabapentin to me for cravings, which are through the roof at the moment. I hope it helps, Naltrexone did nothing for me.

greentires4me · Mar 21, 2020 at 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

My addictions Dr. has agreed to prescribe gabapentin to me for cravings, which are through the roof at the moment. I hope it helps, Naltrexone did nothing for me.

I take gabapentin for nerve pain. It makes you tired throughout the day so that’s why I take it at night for bed.

WastingAsparagus · Mar 24, 2020 at 07:20 PM

Wow, I realized I haven't had alcohol in a very long time now. I can't remember when I last had a drink. This is the longest I've made it in a while.

puzzclar · Mar 24, 2020 at 07:34 PM

Day 119. And I don't know what I need right now. This isn't a good headspace to be in.

splitimage · Mar 26, 2020 at 07:21 AM

greentires4me, yes my pharmacist warned it might make me tired, but my Dr. wants me to try taking it in 2 doses, 1 an hour before my cravings usually hit, and one at night. I'm hoping it doesn't knock me out too much.

WastingAsparagus - that's great. Are you feeling better without the drinking? Keep it up.

puzzlecar. Today should be 4 months right. Congratulations. I hope you do something to celebrate. I think everyone is feeling sort of on edge and out of sorts, I know I am, due to COVID. Don't know if you're on lock down or not - we are, and I find being cooped up in my apartment is really bad for my mental health. I'm coping with phone calls with friends.

I'm doing ok. I'm a little over 17 months, so in about 3 weeks, I'll hit 18 months which is my previous best ever, so I'm happy about that. Taking it a day at a time, but I'm determined to get to 2 years.

puzzclar · Mar 26, 2020 at 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

puzzlecar. Today should be 4 months right. Congratulations. I hope you do something to celebrate. I think everyone is feeling sort of on edge and out of sorts, I know I am, due to COVID. Don't know if you're on lock down or not - we are, and I find being cooped up in my apartment is really bad for my mental health. I'm coping with phone calls with friends.

I'm doing ok. I'm a little over 17 months, so in about 3 weeks, I'll hit 18 months which is my previous best ever, so I'm happy about that. Taking it a day at a time, but I'm determined to get to 2 years.

I am in semi-lock down. I am an essential medical personal, I'm still working. It's been hard to go out for work. I am lucky that I have a meeting that I can be in, virtually.

That is so exciting that your three weeks till 18 months! I know that we are all stressed but I also know that this, if we let it, will make us stronger! Being isolated is tough. I find myself wanting to go out and also not wanting too. It's difficult to navigate. But oh well, most things in life are difficult!

splitimage · Mar 30, 2020 at 07:20 AM

My addictions Dr. called me on Fri. to talk and see how I and my recovery are doing. She's trying to schedule phone appointments with all her regular patients once a week, which is great support.

Also she prescribed me gabapentin to help with alcohol cravings. It's been like a miracle drug for me. After taking it for 2 days - zero cravings. Unfortunately I don't like some of the side effects so I'll have to see if they wear off after a couple of weeks.

childofchaos831 · Mar 30, 2020 at 07:51 AM

Got 2 months yesterday. Because of all this, can't go get a keytag or a chip.

Bill3 · Mar 30, 2020 at 10:09 AM

Well done childofchaos831!

I'm sorry about the keytag or chip.

Still: You are doing great!

emgreen · Mar 30, 2020 at 02:00 PM

I worry about folks having to go without AA or other support groups during these times. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop." Since I have a few 24 hours the urges haven't hit me, but I know how difficult things were early in sobriety. You are to be commended for your two months, childofchaos! I'm not sure what would have happened to me in a situation like this at two months. Stay safe, sober and clean, y'all!

Buffy01 · Mar 30, 2020 at 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greentires4me

Tomorrow it’s 4 years 7months sober

Congratulations

puzzclar · Mar 30, 2020 at 07:57 PM

4 months and 4 days!!!!

splitimage · Mar 31, 2020 at 06:11 AM

Congratulations childofchaos, well done.

And puzzlecar, congratulations on your 4 months 4 days.

Keep up the good work everyone.

splitimage

Desoxyn · Mar 31, 2020 at 01:44 PM

Slightly addicted to phenibut and xanax. Dependent on zopiclone.

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Daily Check In #4

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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,028 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 09, 2020 at 04:04 PM #21 **s SAKE phenibut it like alcohol makes me social and I'm not social at all off of it. When I take it, I get peridlcarisis or what ever the and high blood pressure and these ing xanaxs and zopiclone are **ed I want off everything I'm sick of waiting and life itself suck of people
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puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Mar 21, 2020 at 01:22 AM #25 115 days!!! In 5 days I'll have 4 months!! I give this win to my higher power. May you find something that helps you.
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,945 15 24.1k hugs given	Mar 21, 2020 at 02:08 AM #26 Congratulations!
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WastingAsparagus Student of Life Member Since Mar 2014 Location: South America Posts: 4,709 10 2,917 hugs given	Mar 24, 2020 at 07:20 PM #29 Wow, I realized I haven't had alcohol in a very long time now. I can't remember when I last had a drink. This is the longest I've made it in a while.
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puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Mar 24, 2020 at 07:34 PM #30 Day 119. And I don't know what I need right now. This isn't a good headspace to be in.
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childofchaos831 Elder Member Since Nov 2016 Location: Texas Posts: 5,037 7 15 hugs given	Mar 30, 2020 at 07:51 AM #34 Got 2 months yesterday. Because of all this, can't go get a keytag or a chip. __________________ Diagnoses: PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,945 15 24.1k hugs given	Mar 30, 2020 at 10:09 AM #35 Well done childofchaos831! I'm sorry about the keytag or chip. Still: You are doing great!
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puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Mar 30, 2020 at 07:57 PM #38 4 months and 4 days!!!!
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,028 (SuperPoster!) 8 4,931 hugs given	Mar 31, 2020 at 01:44 PM #40 Slightly addicted to phenibut and xanax. Dependent on zopiclone.
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