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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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Aug 02, 2020 at 12:00 AM
#121
My mom made it 8 days without drinking. She's drunk now. I don't have the will to continue being sober because of that. I know in my head that that's irrational but if she triggers me in the future (Which I'm sure she will), this is why I'm saying that.
She only cares about looking good for modelling so she exercises and starves herself when not drinking. It's because she has histrionic personality disorder. She's at her friends house. My sister told her friends that she's a bad influence and they are. My moms friend probably pressured my her into getting drunk. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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Aug 02, 2020 at 12:08 AM
#122
Maybe I should support my mom for staying sober for 8 days and tell her to try again. I'm not disappointed in her. I just don't want her getting ****-faced drunk almost every night.
Time will play out so I can understand this more.. She couldn't quit for 2 weeks so she has to admit that she has a problem - Which obviously I know that that won't happen. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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Aug 03, 2020 at 01:40 PM
#123
Day 7 without a benzo. Will take 350mg of phenibut today.
Feeling slight withdrawal (Because I didn't take the phenibut yet) but it's completely fine. I slept 18 hours - So I'm getting a good amount of sleep because of waking up early (6am) 3 days in a row to go to work. I didn't even take a zopiclone last night. I've been trying to get off GABA drugs for maybe a year now. Progress has been made - As long as I keep trying. My mom isn't drinking again. She said that she just cheated once. So 10 or so days without drinking! |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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Aug 04, 2020 at 03:13 PM
#124
Day 8 without a benzo. 300mg of phenibut today.
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New Member
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Lost in my mind
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Aug 07, 2020 at 12:54 PM
#125
Relapse. Was in AA but don't think that is for me. Been in/around for near 19 years always miserable. The god thing is irritating and I don't and won't and can't believe he exists. New revelations of things that have happened that I don't remember but found things in my writing that tell me at some time I did remember and my mind just pushed them back away again. Theres no fn way I can or will do AA again or have anything to do with god if he even exists.
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Community Support Team 
Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Aug 08, 2020 at 07:42 AM
#126
Hi Striving4Thriving, welcome to psych central. AA wasn't my thing either, but there are other programs out there. There's SMART Recovery, which is a CBT based approach that a lot of my friends use and like. And if you're female there's Women for Sobriety, which is my program that I love. I do think it's easier to stay sober if you have the support of other people and some kind of program.
splitimage __________________  "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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 Desoxyn
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Aug 08, 2020 at 12:28 PM
#127
Right now my body is screaming for alcohol. I really want to drink. The cause? I dropped the dose, by 20%, of one of my medications that has serious sedative side effects and my CNS is in overdrive in response. I feel like I'm going through alcohol withdrawal, even though I haven't had anything to drink. It sucks.
But I'm not going to drink. First and foremost, I'm still taking antabuse so drinking would be spectacularly stupid and just make me really sick, so there's no way I'd do that. I'm drinking copious amounts of a herbal tea that's calming, and that's taking the edge off somewhat, but not completely. I hate that every time I make a med change, my brain goes immediately to alcohol. I had kind of hoped I'd be beyond that at this point. splitimage __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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Desoxyn
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Aug 09, 2020 at 06:55 PM
#128
Another absolutely horrible day for craving alcohol, I've been going out of my mind wanting to drink. But I've made it through the day, and the liquor stores are now closed and I can't be bothered to clean myself up enough to go to a bar so I'm safe.
I actually resorted to calling some friends and the distress centre to make it through, which is huge for me in terms of new coping strategies. So that's a positive I guess. Didn't resort to si either even though that was also really tempting. Some days I just hate my life. splitimage __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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 Bill3, Desoxyn, WastingAsparagus
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,029
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Aug 12, 2020 at 07:01 PM
#129
Down to 250mg of phenibut.
I used a lot of xanax the past week because of panic attacks. I had 4-5 panic attacks this week. I crave morphine... Or something that will make me feel good.. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,029
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Aug 12, 2020 at 07:56 PM
#130
Craving either;
An extra Vyvanse Methamphetamine Heroin MDMA Ketamine Cocaine But mostly I just wish I could cry |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,029
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Aug 13, 2020 at 08:00 PM
#131
Quote:
Didn't take any benzo yesterday or today and down to 250mg of phenibut... |
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| bpcyclist
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bpcyclist, WastingAsparagus
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Aug 14, 2020 at 03:52 PM
#132
Finished off my stash of oxy this morning. Like I said, that means I'm stopping. I already feel like ****. I'm isolating so I don't freak out at people. I know I could get a rx for suboxone or something or other, but I'd rather not. Kinda trying to keep this as much as a secret as I can. Letting the group I go to know and that's all I think I'll need.
******mit I've never craved something like this before. |
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| Bill3, Desoxyn
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Bill3, Desoxyn
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Aug 14, 2020 at 08:58 PM
#133
((((((((spikes))))))))
Hang in there! |
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bpcyclist
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Aug 15, 2020 at 05:59 AM
#134
Honestly thought I wouldn't have withdrawals because my usage wasn't "that bad." Boy, was I wrong. Had about two hours of sleep last night and woke up in Hell. First f'king thing I thought about was oxy and almost started crying when I realized I was out and done. I know it's for the better, and I know I shouldn't do this, but I'm seriously thinking of asking my very few friends if they know anyone selling. Not going to. I would hope they are good enough friends to not tell me anyways. But damn this sucks.
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| Bill3, Coolbreeze74, Desoxyn
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Bill3, Coolbreeze74, Desoxyn
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Aug 16, 2020 at 05:19 AM
#135
spikes,
Hang in there. I've heard opiate withdrawal is awful, but you'll get through it, and come out on the other side stronger. Will be sending good thoughts into the universe for you. splitimage __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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Bill3, bpcyclist, Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 13,029
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Aug 19, 2020 at 10:03 PM
#136
250mg phenibut still. Not benzo dependent anymore.
I'm horribly addicted to nicotine gum though |
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| bpcyclist
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bpcyclist, shovelhead
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Member Since Nov 2008
Posts: 62
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Aug 26, 2020 at 06:11 PM
#137
Don't know where else to post. Having the most intense cravings today. My boyfriend had a brush with my drug of choice today and its like its so close.
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| Bill3, bpcyclist, shovelhead
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bpcyclist
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Aug 26, 2020 at 10:38 PM
#138
Hang in there Nitrous!
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| bpcyclist
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bpcyclist, Nitrous
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Elder
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Aug 27, 2020 at 09:55 PM
#139
In 2020, I began year 4 of zero alcohol. I was a serious alcoholic. I gotta do something quick tho, cuz I've been missing alcohol, purely for comfort. I'm so lonely living in this state. Alcohol always comforted my loneliness. Strange right? Cuz I preferred drinking completely alone. Nothing makes sense..
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| Bill3, bpcyclist
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Bill3, bpcyclist
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Community Support Team
Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Aug 28, 2020 at 02:26 AM
#140
Not sure what meetings are like in your location, but there's always AA. Even if you don't completely buy the steps it's great for meeting other people who are working on sobriety and for fellowship.
If AA's not your thing, check out SMART recovery. They're totally different and based on cognitive behavioural therapy principles. I have a lot of friends who attend SMART recovery meetings and really them. And sorry - don't know your gender but if you're female, Women for Sobriety is a great program. Personally I've always felt better in my recovery when I'm in a community of like minded individuals. spitimage __________________ "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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Bill3, bpcyclist
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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