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  #151  
Old Sep 03, 2020, 12:05 PM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Craving what, Nitroid?
Opiates. My drug of choice
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  #152  
Old Sep 03, 2020, 10:05 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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Tomorrow will be day 5 sober - Without phenibut and Xanax too. The olanzepine and taking my meds as prescribed is really helping.
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  #153  
Old Sep 04, 2020, 04:20 AM
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splitimage splitimage is offline
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That's great Desoxyn. Glad taking your meds as prescribed is helping.
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  #154  
Old Sep 04, 2020, 01:46 PM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
Tomorrow will be day 5 sober - Without phenibut and Xanax too. The olanzepine and taking my meds as prescribed is really helping.
Awesome!!
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Desoxyn
  #155  
Old Sep 08, 2020, 07:05 PM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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Cravings have ... changed. I'm not just craving opiates, I want anything that will alter my brain. I've been settling.
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  #156  
Old Sep 12, 2020, 09:34 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nitrous View Post
Cravings have ... changed. I'm not just craving opiates, I want anything that will alter my brain. I've been settling.
The way I cope with this is to chew nicotine gum or take a supplement or CBD or something. I often want to just "take something".

It's not the best thing for me to do but it's like an addiction hack. Mind you I took meth, coke, heroin, etc.. all of those things..

Even better would be distracting yourself with anything until the cravings go away. Intense cravings don't last very long. Most of the time when I give in and buy some drug online, I cancel the order within a day.
  #157  
Old Sep 12, 2020, 09:38 PM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
The way I cope with this is to chew nicotine gum or take a supplement or CBD or something. I often want to just "take something".


It's not the best thing for me to do but it's like an addiction hack. Mind you I took meth, coke, heroin, etc.. all of those things..


Even better would be distracting yourself with anything until the cravings go away. Intense cravings don't last very long. Most of the time when I give in and buy some drug online, I cancel the order within a day.
I feel that way a lot of times. Often my worst cravings are for heroin, but most of the time I'll take anything.

I've been using nicotine gum some too, and I still smoke weed. I need to take a break from everything for a while though.
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  #158  
Old Sep 17, 2020, 08:12 AM
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splitimage splitimage is offline
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Today is 23 months sober. That's the longest I've ever gone by quite a few months. Now I'm really motivated to hit the 2 year mark next month.
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"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

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  #159  
Old Sep 17, 2020, 09:08 AM
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Originally Posted by splitimage View Post
Today is 23 months sober. That's the longest I've ever gone by quite a few months. Now I'm really motivated to hit the 2 year mark next month.
Thats awesome!!
  #160  
Old Sep 17, 2020, 12:02 PM
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Just finished a two week outpatient program for dual diagnosis. I stayed sober while staying with a friend who is closer to the location. First day home and I am...struggling... I'm thinking about moving, but that's not going to help today.
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  #161  
Old Sep 17, 2020, 12:10 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Congratulations splitimage!!

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  #162  
Old Sep 19, 2020, 11:43 AM
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1 day sober...or maybe two I don't really remember. This was after two weeks so I'm thinking I can go for longer, but I'm also thinking why bother?
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Desoxyn
  #163  
Old Sep 19, 2020, 08:59 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
1 day sober...or maybe two I don't really remember. This was after two weeks so I'm thinking I can go for longer, but I'm also thinking why bother?
Good job on being sober! All that matters is that you try to not use and to use the drugs properly using harm reduction if you are not sober.

I'm reading the book about addiction by Gabor Mate. He says that the definition of an addiction is that it has to cause harm to the user - Otherwise it's not really an addiction. No one that feels good would do something to harm themselves.

You have to solve the deeper problem like possible trauma.
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  #164  
Old Sep 19, 2020, 09:05 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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I'm not dependent on phenibut or benzos anymore.

I did take 400mg of phenibut yesterday and it gave me a panic attack so I threw it away. I also took an extra 20mg of Vyvanse on top of my 40mg which didn't help with the panic.

I'm trying to take my meds as prescribed. So far it's going good. I smoked some weed today because I think that it helps me to allow myself to do things like read - Not enough to get high but instead just relaxed.
  #165  
Old Sep 21, 2020, 03:14 AM
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sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desoxyn View Post
I'm not dependent on phenibut or benzos anymore.

I did take 400mg of phenibut yesterday and it gave me a panic attack so I threw it away. I also took an extra 20mg of Vyvanse on top of my 40mg which didn't help with the panic.

I'm trying to take my meds as prescribed. So far it's going good. I smoked some weed today because I think that it helps me to allow myself to do things like read - Not enough to get high but instead just relaxed.
Do you have a script for weed? I do but havent figured out how it works.
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  #166  
Old Sep 23, 2020, 08:55 AM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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Started taking phentermine (prescription) for weight loss. So far i feel pretty good, just a little anxious about the addiction potential.
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  #167  
Old Sep 24, 2020, 10:22 AM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Freaking out. ****ing cravings. Don't have anything in the house so that's a plus. Should've gone to the aftercare group for the program I did recently yesterday. It's Wednesdays only.
One moment at a time...
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  #168  
Old Sep 25, 2020, 05:49 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post


Do you have a script for weed? I do but havent figured out how it works.
It's legal here. There's like 3 stores in town.

I realized that weed allows me to relax physically to sit down and read but it makes me read 5x slower. Vyvanse allows me to read without zoning out and daydreaming and having to reread lines of text every couple of seconds 5x less than without it.

I'm just taking my meds as prescribed now and doing what I can.
  #169  
Old Sep 26, 2020, 11:46 AM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Relapsed yesterday after 42 days clean from oxy (though I have drank/done other stuff). Honestly just here again because I'm trying to not die while I come up with stuff to do. In the mood to die today for some reason. Kinda there every day, but more so ready to take action today. Think I'll go do some dishes and go for a walk, maybe apply for a new job.
  #170  
Old Sep 26, 2020, 12:02 PM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
Relapsed yesterday after 42 days clean from oxy (though I have drank/done other stuff). Honestly just here again because I'm trying to not die while I come up with stuff to do. In the mood to die today for some reason. Kinda there every day, but more so ready to take action today. Think I'll go do some dishes and go for a walk, maybe apply for a new job.
Sorry to hear that sapien. I hope you can find some light today instead of feeling so bad. Just keep going one day at a time.
  #171  
Old Sep 26, 2020, 12:03 PM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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I took the wrong meds yesterday and now have an extra pill. I'm tempted to take 2 sometime to see if it will get me high.
  #172  
Old Sep 26, 2020, 10:09 PM
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Desoxyn Desoxyn is offline
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Craving..

Idk what I'm craving. Anything that will stop me from feeling alone and depressed.

I have ketamine but I'm afraid that it will give me depersonalization or derealization.

I smoked a little weed today. I feel like crap.
  #173  
Old Sep 27, 2020, 07:52 AM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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Going on a little rant here, don't mind me.

I ****ing hate having dreams about drinking or using because then it's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and it's all I think about and I obsess. Tried making another mood chart in excel, listened to music, ate breakfast, took my meds, and not even an hour later and I'm still ****ing going crazy. I'm not even "done" I just don't want to use all my supply in a weekend. So yeah, if I could stop dreaming about sticking a needle in my veins or walking around in a liquor store that'd be great.
  #174  
Old Sep 28, 2020, 07:20 AM
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MuddyBoots MuddyBoots is offline
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I think I'm done.
  #175  
Old Sep 28, 2020, 09:13 AM
Nitrous Nitrous is offline
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Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
I think I'm done.
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