Daily Check In #4

Opiates. My drug of choice

Tomorrow will be day 5 sober - Without phenibut and Xanax too. The olanzepine and taking my meds as prescribed is really helping.

That's great Desoxyn. Glad taking your meds as prescribed is helping.

Awesome!!

Cravings have ... changed. I'm not just craving opiates, I want anything that will alter my brain. I've been settling.

The way I cope with this is to chew nicotine gum or take a supplement or CBD or something. I often want to just "take something".

It's not the best thing for me to do but it's like an addiction hack. Mind you I took meth, coke, heroin, etc.. all of those things..

Even better would be distracting yourself with anything until the cravings go away. Intense cravings don't last very long. Most of the time when I give in and buy some drug online, I cancel the order within a day.

I feel that way a lot of times. Often my worst cravings are for heroin, but most of the time I'll take anything.

I've been using nicotine gum some too, and I still smoke weed. I need to take a break from everything for a while though.

Today is 23 months sober. That's the longest I've ever gone by quite a few months. Now I'm really motivated to hit the 2 year mark next month.

Thats awesome!!

Just finished a two week outpatient program for dual diagnosis. I stayed sober while staying with a friend who is closer to the location. First day home and I am...struggling... I'm thinking about moving, but that's not going to help today.

Congratulations splitimage!!

1 day sober...or maybe two I don't really remember. This was after two weeks so I'm thinking I can go for longer, but I'm also thinking why bother?

Good job on being sober! All that matters is that you try to not use and to use the drugs properly using harm reduction if you are not sober.

I'm reading the book about addiction by Gabor Mate. He says that the definition of an addiction is that it has to cause harm to the user - Otherwise it's not really an addiction. No one that feels good would do something to harm themselves.

You have to solve the deeper problem like possible trauma.

I'm not dependent on phenibut or benzos anymore.

I did take 400mg of phenibut yesterday and it gave me a panic attack so I threw it away. I also took an extra 20mg of Vyvanse on top of my 40mg which didn't help with the panic.

I'm trying to take my meds as prescribed. So far it's going good. I smoked some weed today because I think that it helps me to allow myself to do things like read - Not enough to get high but instead just relaxed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn I'm not dependent on phenibut or benzos anymore. I did take 400mg of phenibut yesterday and it gave me a panic attack so I threw it away. I also took an extra 20mg of Vyvanse on top of my 40mg which didn't help with the panic. I'm trying to take my meds as prescribed. So far it's going good. I smoked some weed today because I think that it helps me to allow myself to do things like read - Not enough to get high but instead just relaxed.

Do you have a script for weed? I do but havent figured out how it works.

Started taking phentermine (prescription) for weight loss. So far i feel pretty good, just a little anxious about the addiction potential.

Freaking out. ****ing cravings. Don't have anything in the house so that's a plus. Should've gone to the aftercare group for the program I did recently yesterday. It's Wednesdays only.
One moment at a time...

It's legal here. There's like 3 stores in town.

I realized that weed allows me to relax physically to sit down and read but it makes me read 5x slower. Vyvanse allows me to read without zoning out and daydreaming and having to reread lines of text every couple of seconds 5x less than without it.

I'm just taking my meds as prescribed now and doing what I can.

Relapsed yesterday after 42 days clean from oxy (though I have drank/done other stuff). Honestly just here again because I'm trying to not die while I come up with stuff to do. In the mood to die today for some reason. Kinda there every day, but more so ready to take action today. Think I'll go do some dishes and go for a walk, maybe apply for a new job.

Sorry to hear that sapien. I hope you can find some light today instead of feeling so bad. Just keep going one day at a time.

I took the wrong meds yesterday and now have an extra pill. I'm tempted to take 2 sometime to see if it will get me high.

Craving..

Idk what I'm craving. Anything that will stop me from feeling alone and depressed.

I have ketamine but I'm afraid that it will give me depersonalization or derealization.

I smoked a little weed today. I feel like crap.

Going on a little rant here, don't mind me.

I ****ing hate having dreams about drinking or using because then it's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and it's all I think about and I obsess. Tried making another mood chart in excel, listened to music, ate breakfast, took my meds, and not even an hour later and I'm still ****ing going crazy. I'm not even "done" I just don't want to use all my supply in a weekend. So yeah, if I could stop dreaming about sticking a needle in my veins or walking around in a liquor store that'd be great.

I think I'm done.

Hugs and positive thoughts