Daily Check In #4

Can't get the bipolar under control until I'm clean. Staying clean is damn near impossible when the bipolar's out of control. A vicious cycle.

I found the same thing with my depression. Once I got stabilized on the right meds combo, staying sober became much easier.

Doing fine with my addiction. Acted out a few days ago, but I am going to 12-step meetings now. Going to another one on Friday.

But I can't stabilize if I'm having manic blackouts and using god knows what regardless of what meds I'm on. If, and that's a big if, my current med works it's going to be at least 2 months before I stabilize. I could die in that time frame.

Could you go inpatient or do an intensive outpatient program? So that you stabilize? They have substance abuse/mental health dual programs. I wonder if you might benefit from that. Depending on your insurance if you have it. / it could also be expensive.

Nearly had a slip today. Just caught it though.

Good for you for catching it, and not slipping.

We don't have any nearby IOPs so finding transportation would be a pain. I went to the ER recently but they turned me away from IP because I wasn't homicidal. I'm no longer manic so have a slightly lower impulsivity level and shouldn't be wrecking myself as much from here on out. I don't want to repeat my recent experiences soon. Really paying for it now.

I am starting a program next week for my addiction.

That's great WastingAsparagus. I found treatment to be really helpful. I hope you have a good experience.

No drug is enough

It takes time to stay clean. Don’t give up. Your doing amazing.

I'm slightly addicted to mixing methylphenidate, alcohol and sometimes low doses of diazepam. It makes me feel like my real self.

I'm prescribed Vyvanse, Dexedrine and clonazepam.. But those are just medications to me. They're not recreational. I really need them (If I were to not have them - For severe ADHD, no one understands that until the stimulant is discontinued at high dose and then given back. It's like psychiatrist abuse to me). I have schizophrenia (Hence the Invega) and DPDR (The olanzepine).

I stopped microdosing psilocybin/LSD smoking weed and using ketamine. My psychiatrist replaced phenibut with pregabalin and that lifts my baseline mood, makes me not apathetic with ups and downs (That have been happening the past 3 years - It was so exhausting).

I bought cocaine and meth this summer (A friend influenced me in a bad way) - I flushed them because they are too cardio/neurotoxic. I tried 3-fluorophenmetrazine and flushed that too. My cognition was failing.

I'm focusing on more healthier things, learning, meditation, still experimentation of things that will work, drinking lots of water.. I get enough sleep, I exercise moderately, good nutrition/eating, fasting, spirituality, reading, podcasts, music (Euphoria and contemplation), self awareness, introspection, conceptualization, trying to be my own friend (Because I'm so lonely - So I want to connect with family more), being less negative/sad/irritable, love myself... and to live with a purpose.. passion, etc.. Benefit society... Having conversations with people, living in the moment, being mindful...

Any criticisms are welcome. I'm grateful for everything in my life. I just have problems.

Just curious, have you disclosed any of your recreational drug use to your psychiatrist? It's impossible for them to help you if they don't know everything that's going on (to an extent). I'm trying not to assume; maybe you have disclosed all of this to your psychiatrist. Either way, it might be helpful.

Just becareful. Drinking alcohol with prescription medication is never good.

I always tell my treatment team. But for now, it's ok. I'll go to sleep - I see psychiatrist soon and I'll update him.

Psychonautics - Wikipedia

Thank you for the link. :thanks: :thanks:

Congratulations. Hope Eve works out.

On a week-long streak free from my addiction. Good stuff.