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Veteran Member
Member Since Jul 2006
Location: chicago IL
Posts: 475
18 |
Jan 05, 2008 at 04:35 AM
#1
every time i get high, i tell myself its the last time.
and since its the new years, i figured i would quit for sure. but stupid me, as soon as it was the new year...midnight...i lit up. and i really lit up, i smoked untill 420, then i got out the bong. i had other people there...and i felt so good...happy. but when i sobered up, it hit me i hate my life...and the drugs are all i can do to stay happy. there is nothing that can make me smile, and be as happy than getting high. i dont think im addicted to the drugs, i think im addicted to happiness, and the drugs are what put me in that state of mind. but i finally figured out what i truely got my self into...an addiction. but i dont want help, im to happy stoned to get help. all i can do now is smoke and pop pills, then when i sober up, i whine because i hate what im doing to myself I AM A SCREW UP at least i can finally admit it __________________ A day to remember is the day I forget. A day to forget is the day I remember. |
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Pandita-in-training
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
(SuperPoster!)
18 550 hugs
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Jan 05, 2008 at 12:12 PM
#2
Getting high is the only thing you know that can get make you happy; you haven't tried everything, "done" anything that uses the rest of you to the full and was even more rewarding than simple, elusive "happiness".
You are more than just a smoking, pill-popping, screw up! Explore that, it's very hard but not impossible. __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: AZ
Posts: 8,663
19
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Jan 05, 2008 at 02:15 PM
#3
You're not a screw up. You're an addict. Being addicted to the feeling drugs give you is being addicted to the drug.......there is a way out, several actually. If you want it.
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,042
16 1 hugs
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Jan 05, 2008 at 03:35 PM
#4
damajdancer,
First of all you're not a screw up! Second, take a look at the rationalizing you are doing. You do not think you're addicted to the drugs, but happiness. How happy can you be when you're stoned out of your mind? Was that "happiness" worth the self loathing you had when you came back to reality? Saying you are a screw up is a cope out, you had a moment of weakness. Drugs are a harsh Master. When you're ready, there is a world of support and assistance out there for you. It is not an easy path to follow, but you can do it! I wish you the very best of health and happiness. __________________ I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Some place beyond myself, West Virginia
Posts: 999
16
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Jan 05, 2008 at 03:39 PM
#5
we've all been there...made mistakes. If your unhappy with your life it's time to take action and take one moment at a time. Figure out what you want and stay clear of what's negative. I hope all works out for you...one day at a time.
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Moderator
Community Support Team 
Member Since Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,451
18 79 hugs
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Jan 05, 2008 at 07:04 PM
#6
You're not a screw up, you're an addict. I used the same rationalization that it made me happy, for years, until the misery outweighed any temporary good feelings I got.
Change isn't easy, but it is possible. There's help out there if you want it. --splitimage __________________  "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jul 2006
Location: chicago IL
Posts: 475
18 |
Jan 09, 2008 at 12:30 AM
#7
thanks everyone
i guess its not that i dont want help...im just too scared to get it. i can never keep my thoughts straight when im on and off like this. when im sober i think one way and when im stoned i think another way. its all just so agerrvating. and i know im doing it to myself...thats the worst part about it. __________________ A day to remember is the day I forget. A day to forget is the day I remember. |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: wv, united states
Posts: 379
16 |
Jan 16, 2008 at 08:52 AM
#8
i know im not a screw up. ive just made some really screwed up choices. crack alcohol pills cocaine its all so inticing but theres always the last hit the last drink and so on and then...mental & physical hell. my addict mind forgets this so easy its scary. need lots of support and encouragement & also i have to have the desire to be free of these more than the desire to be in bondage to them and stay honest with myself. it feels sooo much better to have a clear mind not have the shakes & a constant monkey on my back. i know its scary to ask for help the first time but then its relieving. the Lord knows how many times ive messed up after getting help the first time but its a learning from the mistakes each time & finally having the main picture. ill pray for u.
__________________ im thankful for every day God gives me & for His grace love & mercy He has shown me over & over through all of my screwed up choices |
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