The stage of contemplation

The past few years have been a time of reflection and noticing patterns and just getting tired of myself and my behaviors. I want to grow and be better. One of the things that jumpstarted my soul searching was realizing one night that I had taken so much adderall that I lost count. And I had been for a while. I was supposed to be a mother. Why was I being so risky and irresponsible? That isn't the only drug I have abused past or present. I also use cocaine. Smoke weed. And I enjoy xanax as well. None of this is done around my kid. Although the adderall convinced me I was a better mom with it than without it. Supermom. So between motherhood, full time healthcare work with long hours and overnight shifts and keeping the house clean, laundry, appointments and wanting to have energy to still play with my son, I did take it around him. I lived off of coffee and 240mgs of adderall every day for 2 years. Until it just stopped working and I was back to being old me. And eating like crazy. But as far as weed, I only smoke before bed at night. And the xanax helps me relax and sleep. The cocaine can be very similar to adderall for me, as far as once I get going, I'm not stopping. I love the feeling of amphetamines and stimulants and speed. I like myself better on them. I feel a confidence and motivation that I have lacked all my life. But I am noticing that while I may not be on something constantly, I cant wait to get something in me. I can go without. But then I go on binges that have ended with me in the hospital. I swore off adderall 3 years ago. I dont take it like I used to. But why am I still taking it at all? I binge about every 2 weeks. It doesn't even feel good anymore. So could this be an addiction? Is there a scale of measurement? I am willing to admit I have an unhealthy habit and contemplate opening up and getting help. But will I look stupid going to a room of heroin addicts and alcoholics who can actually die if they don't get their medicine and claiming to be an addict because of some prescription pills that college kids abuse all the time? I am open for any insight, advice or opinions. I am tired of being on the fence. I want help. But do I need it?