I've become an alcoholic

It's covid, I am unemployed now, I have been through a severely abusive marriage, I am now going through a contentious and rocky divorce with said abusive husband, it's winter and it's the holidays, always a tough time of year for me. I am drinking far more, starting at 11 AM sometimes. I drink through the day and night every other day just to get by.

I know I know.. it's an unhealthy coping mechanism. Please do not advise me to go to AA meetings right now. I will not. I don't want to. This WILL slow down again at some point.

But for now, I've become a drinking fish, and I know I am abusing alcohol immensely right now. I am not proud of it. I am looking to commiserate with others who may be drinking a lot more lately too, as a way to cope?

Dear Have Hope,

I can definitely, definitely identify with you. Tough times!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Thanks @Yaowen.

Tough times indeed!!!

I’m sorry to hear this, I wouldn’t have suggested AA meetings anyway because while they probably have helped a lot of people, I’m not sure they’re the best place to get help. My dad went a few times, always had the same outcome but maybe that was more him than them.
Anyway, you are going through tough times and acknowledge this isn’t a good long term coping mechanism, I’m wondering if there’s anything else that might help you that you haven’t tried yet? Admittedly I don’t know what else you’ve done, but it’s something to think about.
You will get through this, though!

Thanks @RoxanneToto.

I have not tried exercise yet. That's one thing I have left to try. I've tried meditative videos and I often talk to all my friends and family.

But yeah, I know the excessive drinking is no good. I've got to cut it out.

I am actually proud of myself though: a good friend came over with lots of booze last night, and I only had a couple drinks so that I wouldn't be drunk and therefore, hungover the next day. So that's progress!

It is, good to hear you were able to exercise a conscious choice!

It's something at least!!!! It may be one step forward and two steps back, but this was one step forward!

I knew someone at work who used womenforsobriety to stay sober. I think they have actual meetings but for sure they have online forum and I think it’s fairly active. I don’t believe it’s 12 step program if you want to avoid those

I’d also ask a therapist and GP if they have ideas or resources. The more support the better.

Staying busy, exercising, stay out of a drinking scene might help etc Sometimes change in life style might be enough to quit on your own but if it becomes physical dependency and eventually people have to increase the amount and frequency, then it’s a different ball game and people need help.

To clarify I myself don’t have alcohol consumption issue but I know ton of people who do or did. It’s extremely common (and dangerous) way to cope with life as you already know. Ton of people can relate to your conundrum. Luckily other members will come through with ideas

Sending support and hugs

Thanks, divine.

I know this will slow down and will dissipate on its own. Thing is, I don't want to stop drinking right now. Not at all. I don't have any desire to get help for it. I just want to exist and to be myself in all my glory, lol.

Fair enough! Happy New Years!

Thanks, and happy new year to you! Let's hope 2021 becomes a better year than 2020!!!

Hey @Have Hope
I dont necessarily agree with the idea that you are an alcoholic. I personally think its substance abuse. You say you have a handle on it and it will dissipate soon so I'm wondering if it is simply a habit that you use to cope? If you are getting arrested, running naked in the street, getting into fist fights, blacking out, all that typical alcoholic stuff then I would say yes, maybe you are an alcoholic.

A lot of it has to do with desire to stop and then if you can stop for more than a week or so.

Hey, @sarahsweets, yes, it's substance abuse and an unhealthy coping mechanism. I've actually been slowing down lately so I think I'm improving. I'm not doing any of the things you mentioned - just drinking too much sometimes. I do think it will slow down and stop all on its own, especially once I get a job and am working again. Once I am working again, I cannot afford to be drinking at night. I'm sure it will resolve itself in time.

I did have to tape a message to myself on my computer:

NO DRUNKEN MESSAGING!!!!!

That's the worst of what I've done - is message people I shouldn't be messaging while I've been drinking or inebriated.

So this post it note truly helps me.

Good idea on the note to not message people when drinking. I used to drunk call people, and it pissed off a lot of my friends,

yeah, I didn't piss people off, but I felt stupid the next day.

I am sorry this has happened to you, may help find it’s way to you. Or may you find your way to help. I wish you great health and happiness.

Thanks - I don't need AA though and I asked in my original post for people not to suggest this for me. I'm not going to AA and I refuse to do any rehab, etc.

It will work itself out.