Mental Illness, Stigma & AA & honesty

I've joined a womens' only group that's studying the Little Red book for women. It's not an official AA group, but everyone in the group is in AA and we have everything from total newcomers who are really struggling with sobriety to one woman with 25 + years of sobriety. I think it's going to be a really good group.

But we were discussing honesty and one woman recounted the story of being told off after an open topic meeting for what she had shared, so now she felt really uncomfortable with being honest.

So I said I could relate to that because when I was in a treatment centre, which is generally regarded as one of the top treatment centers in Canada, I'd really gotten into trouble with staff, when I said one night in rounds that I wasn't having any cravings to drink, but that I was having bad urges to cut. Basically they came down on me like a ton of bricks. I won't give you all the details but the councillors basically said I wasn't willing to face my addiction but was insiting on talking about "other" issues. Clearly they weren't up on the literature on concurrent disorders.

I also said that I'd had trouble with the concept of honesty when I went IP last summer, and had told my sponsor that I was going into a psych hospital. I didn't just want to disappear on her for 8 weeks, and I knew my home group would wonder where I was. She made a really big deal of promissing me that she'd keep it a secret, and would make sure nobody found out where I was, but would simply tell people in the group that I was someplace safe. That made me feel kind of stigmatized. I've done incredibly stupid and embarrassing things in AA that are way more horrible than going IP, including one stellar performance where I went on a drunken binge and called everyone in my homegroup to tell them I was drinking. After that stunt, I figure there's pretty much nothing I can do that's embarrassing.

We kind of got round to the topic of mental health, and some of the group was pretty adament in taking the position, that addiction was addiction first and foremost and that anything else is just an excuse to drink. I said I disagreed with that and that 50% of my problem was my alcoholism and that 50% of my problem was the minor detail of my being technically nuts (my preffered term) and it wasn't until I got treatment for both that I had any chance of sobriety. I don't have a lot of hang ups about talking about my mental health experiences (obviously).

Then after the group was over, I had several woman come up to me to say thank you. In total I got 3 who were on anti depressants, one who is in councelling for trauma, 1 with an eating disorder, and 1 with severe anxiety. This was over half the group but none of them were willing to admit pubilcally to having "other issues". What the F gives?

I've now had the same experience several times, that when I talk about being treated for mental illness, I suddenly get a bunch of people sharing their experiences one on one with me. So what, am I the only person in AA in Toronto who is willing to admit to having a concurrent disorder or is the stigma really that bad, or is it just part of the culture of AA, to not talk about mental health.

Don't get me wrong, I love AA, I get a lot of support out of going to meetings and I'm finding working the steps really helpful not just with staying sober but with becoming a better person. It just ticks me off that concurrent disorders seem to be like this big secret issue that no one wants to talk about. Like I said my recovery was equal parts stopping drinking and getting proper treatment and meds - that's my story and I don't feel like I should have to hide part of it.

Sorry if this came off as a rant. I'm in a bit of a foul headspace on the subject of mental illness and stigma because I may not be accepted at a volunteer position I really want, because I admitted to being in active treatment for mental health issues.

--splitimage

((((((((((((((splitimage)))))))))))))))) I've found that myself ... it's sad that one topic that used to be such taboo (drinking problems or addictive tendencies) is now more readily accepted than talking about the issue of mental illness. I do believe they exist concurrently with each other ... the same way that my physical disability can exist at the same time as my 'mental health issues'. Causation, maybe. Correlation, definitely (at least in my case).

*shrug* Some people are sadly misinformed and don't want to be judged for other issues. I hope that eventually changes.

Good for you for speaking up, that takes a lot of courage that not everyone would have!

Perhaps you could take the issue to someone high up on the AA ladder, I feel the word needs to get out, that these issues DO exist, that you are NOT the only one, the response from the rest of the group- there's just too much good that can come from taking the matter to a higher level