[TheTrishgu]

My dad was an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, up until the day he died. My mom left him when I was 4 and we moved in with my dad's brother. He stopped drinking for us.
I don't know if his alcoholism has effected me. When I ask myself this question, I don't have an answer. I don't care, per say. Maybe I don't care, because I wrote him off a long, long time ago. Or maybe I don't care, because it is affecting me.
I don't even know if this kind of post is allowed on here.

[Christina86]

Sure it's allowed here!

Maybe his alcoholism has affected you, maybe it has not. At the very least, maybe the divorce affected you in some way and the reason the divorce happened had something to do with the alcohol consumption of your dad??

[ZilchHour]

Asking this question shows that it has affected you, for you felt unaffected you would not be asking this question from yourself or us. Now a more pertinent question would be how it has affected you? May be losing your mother at four is an effect or the carea nd attention that you might have received from your father and you did not receive for his alcoholism is an effect... I am just guessing, but you have to ask these from yuorself and only you are the one with all correct answers.
You are very much welcome to post whatever you like.

Regards
ZILCH HOUR

The drinking lead to the divorce. His continued drinking I suspect meant you grew up without him being an integral part of your life. Often a circumstance like that leads to a feeling of abandonment.

Whatever the case, you seem to need to explore your feelings about your father. Please continue to post your thoughts. Perhaps doing so may lead to a better understanding of how and what you feel regarding your father.

Good luck!

Originally Posted by TheTrishgu

My dad was an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, up until the day he died. My mom left him when I was 4 and we moved in with my dad's brother. He stopped drinking for us.
I don't know if his alcoholism has effected me. When I ask myself this question, I don't have an answer.

Hi Trishgu,

Alchoholisum is a family disease. Even your fathers brother was effected by your dad . And it possible both came from a home where alcholoisum was a part of the families.

Just stoping drinking doesn't take care of why some begins to drink in the first place . Character defects. are part of the reason . the other is brain chemistry .

I'm an adult child and I have defects of charater because of the family I was brought up in and because of my own drug of choice which was food . later in life I found alchohol helped me to focus and do tasks I found intollerably boring . Thank goodness that lasted for only a year.

my family was also addicted to using food and most likely underlying ADHD.

I started to attend alanon when I had a problem with a professors drinking and that opened the door to my fathers drinking and the long line of drinkers I loved to be around .

It was what I knew . I was addicted to the alcholholic .

I loved the smell of Segrams No.5

oh Pardon ..7 Segram 7

I could find an alchoholic anywhere. And I enjoyed thier company .
they can be quite funny and also tend to let you have your space.

LOTS of it .. LOL ...as in neglect . absentee father.

I recommend attending alanon meetings . ACOA would be better. There you finnally start hearing things and go Oh yeah ! that happend in my family too. or Ive been around others who behave like that. .

You won't find it in a therapists office. Nor wil you find people close to your own age who are telling your story. Back in the lte 80's early 90's ACOA was a new movement and therapists were specializing in ACOA and codepndancey.

Co dependency is a given for an adult child because you learn to dissappere . not rock the boat, and pretend nothings happening when everything is happening .And to not have needs wants or a self . You loose yourself . become a YES anything you say person when everything inside you is screaming to not do that!!!! But you continue to do it just like the alchoholic continues to drink , Just like anyone continues to play out thier character defects.

They are deeply engrained behaviors and ways of interacting .

the ACOA therapists of old have fallen by the wayside and now personality disorders replace ACOAers in the theraputic field .

ACOA is not in the DSM.

I hope you can find a meeting .



Patricia

[Hunny]

Such a good explanation, Auroralso! Thanks!





.

Trishgu,

This link has some words about why its important to figure out if and how your Fathers drinking effected you.

I got something from it myself.

http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=144

Patricia

[TheTrishgu]

Originally Posted by auroralso

Trishgu,

This link has some words about why its important to figure out if and how your Fathers drinking effected you.

I got something from it myself.

http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=144

Patricia

Thank you! I will definitely look over this.