[Chrissy4605]

I am Chrissy and I grew up with a raging alcoholic who I also believe was mentally ill. I started growing up in Racine, Wisconsin. I lived there until age 7. I was abused by my step-father from age 2. If it was any earlier then I don't remember it. My parents both drank, but not all that heavily. Then in 1969 my mother divorced my step-father for trying to bean me with a large Tonka Hook & Ladder over my head. My mother in return beaned him over the head with a chair. We moved to Southern California into Orange County on August 11, 1969. It was a very different world for me. Wisconsin was a fairly conservative place to grow up. Costa Mesa was a wild town in comparison.

My mother worked at a real job for about 2 years. Life was "okay" during that time. But then she started going to bars and picking up men who would beat her up while I watched or listened. By age 12 I was being verbally, psychologically and physically abused by my mother who was now a raging alcoholic. I was abandoned for days on end while I went to school. I had to cook and feed myself. I started living in the kitchen at that time and we had cockroaches that would crawl all over me while I slept. I woke up to that on several occasions. Then I moved out to the balcony and slept on a roll-away bed. Even if it rained I lived outside until we moved.

My mother was a bartender or bar maid during this time. Life for me was only good while I was making music in High School. I was in all the bands I could be in and still pass. By age 15 my mother threw me out in a drunken fit. She threw bowls and beer cans at me. I was made a ward of the state after that. After living with one foster family who didn't care who I was or what my problems were. After that my best friends family petitioned to become my foster family. That was some of the best times in my life.

I joined the US Army at age 17 and went in after I turned 18. I found out there that I am not a team player. That is a good thing to know as I never did well in any team environment. I spent 5 years in the Army and then one day I walked in to the supply office in my last post and just unloaded what ever it was I said at the Executive Officer. That lasted for 10 minutes and then he tilted his head and dropped he jaw. After a few moments he turned and got the Commanding Officer. They didn't reprimand me in any way. They just took me to the hospital and told them about what had happened. My first hospitalization lasted 2 weeks. I was sent back to my unit after that and put on light duty.

Then in 1984 I was watching the Super Bowl and my world came unglued. It was a total break with reality. Back into the hospital, this time for 4 months. It was there that I was diagnosed with BPD.

Now I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it is not fun to have to live through this. But I am now making great strides with NAMI, the National Association on Mental Illness. I recently became a Certified Peer Support Specialist. That is a professional credential.

After I got married the second time I went to visit my mother. She was in the hospital herself. She had tried to drink her way to death. You might be curious to what she drank to wash all the electrolytes out of her brain; beer. She didn't know who I was. I have never been back to see her. I both love her and hate her. And that brings tears to my eyes to write that. But that is how I feel for all the havoc she wrought upon me. If she is still alive she is 70 years old.

I don't drink at all. But I have done illicit drugs to self-medicate. I don't condone that for anybody. It is my hope that this post is acceptable.

Chrissy Michelle

[LadyShadow]

Your message is powerful, and is one of strength and courage. I am honored to have read your story and I look forward to reading more of your posts. I lived a hard life as well, my father was an abusive alcoholic but mended his ways after three heart attacks. It was either calm down or die and he got the picture.

I suffered from alcoholism for many years. It led to my hospitalizations and my complications over the years. I have a drink every now and then but not to the extreme that I used to. There were days when I used to take a swig of vodka at 9am before heading into the office to the three of four martinis during my lunch break. Those were hard times when I couldn't identify my illness and suffered mentally, emotionally and physically. But I conquered most of that. I am here today, still lost somewhat, but much better than where I was, and reading stories like yours give me much hope and inspiration.

Thank you again, and I wish you an easy ride through calm seas of tranquility.

[madisgram]

your creating your own life is a very healthy thing you're doing. i'm sorry you had such a traumatice experience with your mom. keep looking forward. i wish you many good things.you deserve that. thank you for posting.