[QuintinS]

Hi all,

I am technically what one would call an Adult Child. Both my parents were alcoholics, with all the insecurities, desperation and painful family dynamics that go along with that. My mother periodically goes to AA, but her recovery has been very rocky and she is hopeless and depressed most of the time when she isn't drinking.

I was a member of an ACA group for several months. I met many good people there. I made friends. It was also the first time that I could openly talk about my parents' drinking and how it made me feel to others that knew what I was going through. I felt like I was a part of something I believed in, and even volunteered for a service position.

I wouldn't trade those months for anything. But there were problems.

I am an atheist and have no concept of a higher power, and try as I might I couldn't manufacture one.

I have a problem with admitting that I am powerless. I want to take responsibility for my life, not shy away from it.

I have seen such negativity and politics within the group, sometimes ending with one or more members leaving.

I have heard that 12-Step programs have a 5% success rate. Judging from my mother, who has been working the program for years with no real result, this seems to check out.

These and other issues with the program, coupled with my natural skepticism, have made me doubt the program, and I'm ashamed and dismayed to say that I don't believe in it anymore. I feel lost and alone again.

Sometimes when I was at the group, I tried to listen compassionately and understandingly to the shares... but often I find myself thinking, Are we kidding ourselves?

I no longer go to meetings, although there are days where I feel like I need them desperately. But I keep thinking that it'd be best for me to shape up and tackle life without it.

Does anybody else have any thoughts like this? Please share if you have.

[Christina86]

I go between wanting to go to meetings, and not. So you're not alone in that. 12 step groups will not work for everyone, nothing ever works for *everyone*. So, what works for you? Do you have some sort of support network, some way to work through your issues outside of a 12-step group? Doing it by yourself is ill-advised, simply because dealing with past issues is hard and emotionally draining.

[Leed]

Hi Quintin ~ I know that AA isn't for everyone and it's mostly because of the Higher Power thing. While the success rate might be small percentage wise, it has the HIGHEST success rate of ANY other grooup or organization out there. Millions & millions of people have gotten sobeer thru AA, so something must work. LOL

While you may not believe in God, most people have to agree that SOMETHING must be out there somewhere -- otherwise, how do you explain EVERYTHING??? Where did the Universe come from? Where did space come from? It isn't just "there." Everything comes from somewhere. LOL

Even when we admit we're powerless, we still have to take responsibility for our actions. We just have to admit that we're powerless over alcohol, cause when we drink, we can't STOP. One is too many, and 20 isn't enough! Plus our lives got terribly unmanageable -- we were drunk alot, our finances went into chaos, our family life went to pot, our jobs were in shambles, etc. But we took responsibility for it. We HAD to or we wouldn't get sober!

You're right about some groups becoming too political. They weren't abiding by the Traditions of AA. Those groups are in real trouble -- and the old timers who knew anything about AA should have taken a stand and done something about it.

Most groups are great, with wonderful sharing & caring. If you don't find what you like in one group, find another. There are plenty out there! LOL

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, and that it hasn't worked for you. They saved my life -- I wasn't an atheist, but I WAS an agnostic when I joined. Now I TOTALLY believe in God after having had a very enlightening spiritual experience!!! Scary too! LOL I wish you the very best. Take care. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

I have a problem with admitting that I am powerless. I want to take responsibility for my life, not shy away from it.

quintin, the "powerless" phrase means you are powerless to change or fix anyone else anyone else. in your case your family. the only person you can change is YOU. that is taking responsibility for your life so keep doing that positive action.

I am an atheist and have no concept of a higher power, and try as I might I couldn't manufacture one.

a lot of people do not have a higher power but can allow the other positive suggestions to help them heal. you don't have to let this stumble you.

Here’s another suggestion: find someone in AA who has multiple years of sobriety and ask them what the success rate is for AA. They will likely tell you that they don’t care. It works for them.

http://www.spiritualriver.com/what-i...ecovery-in-aa/ you mother makes her own choice-sobriety or continuing to drink. it can only work if she wants to be sober more than she wants to drink. AA states willingness to change is the first step towards recovery from alcoholism.

I was a member of an ACA group for several months. I met many good people there. I made friends. It was also the first time that I could openly talk about my parents' drinking and how it made me feel to others that knew what I was going through. I felt like I was a part of something I believed in, and even volunteered for a service position.
I wouldn't trade those months for anything.

if you benefitted and enjoyed going i suggest you give it another try. you can also help and relate to the newcomer and offer them hope. please know you can attend and not get into the fray of things. take what you need and toss the rest. that's ok.
hope my info may help you.

[LightningMan]

The five percent success rate finding is promoted by someone who has a problem with the group's spiritual founding. I have found other data suggesting a higher rate of success than that. And again, no program will get you better against your own will.

ACA worked for me because I wanted it to work and I worked the program. If you understand that a relapse into your ACoA behaviors isn't failure, it can work for you too.