[ohmcgee]

Hi, I'm new here. I started seeing a therapist for the first time about two months ago and at our first visit she diagnosed me: adult child of an alcoholic. Also depression and anxiety, and I've been juggling meds ever since then, trying to find a combination that doesn't make me want to crawl out of my own skin. I was on Abilify for 3 weeks. Holy hell that was no fun.

Anyway. My main struggle besides the constant negativity, low (NO) self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression, is...actually I don't know what to call it. I think the quote in my signature says it best. Either I fall completely in love with someone...or I could care less about them. I become almost addicted or obsessed with them. It starts out fun and happy times and everything's great, but its gradually becomes something that doesn't even make me happy anymore. They're all I can think about. I don't want to do anything except talk to them, be with them, etc. And I end up putting all the responsibility of my happiness on this one person, which I realize isn't fair. If they do something with someone else, or are talking to another friend, or basically doing anything except talking/being with me, I spiral downward so fast its not even funny. I tell people 'I don't do friends,' because it starts out well, but I finally get too extreme and I either separate myself from the person for my own mental well being, or they get upset with me and we never talk again.

This happens male or female. I consider myself bisexual by the way, but I wonder how much of that is caused by this need to be loved. By anyone. In the past eight years I have had five close friends and I have fallen in love with each of them. I tried to cheat on my husband with one of them, but fortunately my friend did not reciprocate. I told my current best friend a few months ago (online friend) that I had feelings for her, and nearly ruined our friendship.

I am a clingy, needy, did I mention clingy, mess. And I'd just really like to know if anyone else has dealt with this, is dealing with this, or any input you can offer. Thanks in advance.

[madisgram]

a warm welcome to pc. there are common characteristic of acoa"s and one of them is

Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation. http://acoahealing.wordpress.com/

i am a recovering alcoholic. i am not an ACA but i am aware that we also have other traits alike. we can be "all or nothing" kind of people. in your relationships that seems to apply? hope this helps. i can totally relate to the love/hate relationships tho i've worked on changing my thinking and have found a middle of the road approach.
thanks for posting!

[Hazel Glitter]

Originally Posted by ohmcgee

Hi, I'm new here. I started seeing a therapist for the first time about two months ago and at our first visit she diagnosed me: adult child of an alcoholic. Also depression and anxiety, and I've been juggling meds ever since then, trying to find a combination that doesn't make me want to crawl out of my own skin. I was on Abilify for 3 weeks. Holy hell that was no fun.

Anyway. My main struggle besides the constant negativity, low (NO) self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression, is...actually I don't know what to call it. I think the quote in my signature says it best. Either I fall completely in love with someone...or I could care less about them. I become almost addicted or obsessed with them. It starts out fun and happy times and everything's great, but its gradually becomes something that doesn't even make me happy anymore. They're all I can think about. I don't want to do anything except talk to them, be with them, etc. And I end up putting all the responsibility of my happiness on this one person, which I realize isn't fair. If they do something with someone else, or are talking to another friend, or basically doing anything except talking/being with me, I spiral downward so fast its not even funny. I tell people 'I don't do friends,' because it starts out well, but I finally get too extreme and I either separate myself from the person for my own mental well being, or they get upset with me and we never talk again.

This happens male or female. I consider myself bisexual by the way, but I wonder how much of that is caused by this need to be loved. By anyone. In the past eight years I have had five close friends and I have fallen in love with each of them. I tried to cheat on my husband with one of them, but fortunately my friend did not reciprocate. I told my current best friend a few months ago (online friend) that I had feelings for her, and nearly ruined our friendship.

I am a clingy, needy, did I mention clingy, mess. And I'd just really like to know if anyone else has dealt with this, is dealing with this, or any input you can offer. Thanks in advance.

Welcome to Psych Central! This place is great. This place has been my support when I have had no one to turn to. It has opened my eyes to several of the issues I face and has given my knowledge and ideas on how to best cope. I hope you find the same support.

I can relate to how you feel. I have an almost uncontrollable need to be liked. If I find out that someone does not like me, I am devastated and it justifies my low self worth. Usually, with male relationships, I am infatuated with him at first. We are always together and he is always on my mind but then after a while I feel suffocated and completely lose interest. It is not the same with females, though. I am physically attracted to them but have no emotional connection with them.

When trying to cope with my own neediness, I try to distract myself and find things that I am interested in that does not involve anyone else. Examples: reading, going for a bike ride, taking a walk, working on a painting, etc. It can even be doing something for myself. Examples: giving myself a manicure or pedicure, taking a bubble bath, or going to get a new haircut, etc. I focus on me for at least a few minutes. The person might still cross my mind but since I am enjoying what I am doing, I don't stop and try to text them or call them or obsess over them. Distractions I am sure do not solve the root of the problem but they make coping a little easier.

Please keep us posted and stay in touch. I hope I have helped.