I'm blinded and can't spot the emotional abuse. I can spot an alcoholic

I was always aware from a very young age that I will have a higher chance of being with someone who is an alcoholic or becoming an alcoholic myself. I can remember as early as in 7th grade that I need to be extremely aware and stay away from men that are alcoholics. I am turning 30 years old in 9 days and I come to realize that even though I am hypersensitive always on the look out of addicts I come to realize that I am still in relationships where I become the caretaker, the hero in the relationships and I find myself in the emotional turmoil that I lived in with my parents. Father the alcoholic and mother the enabler. There was physical and emotional abuse from my parents and sexual abuse from another man.

It is a natural tendency and I don't even realize it until weeks even months that I have been denying my own feelings and pain in my current relationship. Looking back thats what I experienced growing up in a alcoholic home.

So my question how do I become aware when Iam heading down the emotional relationship that is so similar to the experiences I grew up in? I heard once that ACOA will have a natural tendency to emotionally attract abusive relationships even if addiction doesn't exist. It is easier to spot an addict, for me anyway but then the emotional part is tougher.

I have no answers but it is very difficult for me to identify trouble early.

Esp when an alkie is so sweet to me and seems to want to live, even if he cannot quit drinking or if he starts again.

In my current situation, I am exercising extreme caution without looking to cautious. I told my roommate that I was not going to go with them (him and John, the alkie) to the ER again. I was thinking of going, and then decided not to.

I am getting better at listening to my internal signals and I feel a yellow light going.

A voice is saying, "Billi, you are worrying too much. He's going to think you are mad at him again."

But I need to deal with this. I can keep being moved by people just because they're sweet to me. John needs help beyond what I can give him now. He is under the influence now and I cannot even afford to go beyond the line to see just how abusive he might be to me. For every dang time I have been involved with an alkie, they have abused me.

Just my experience. No big answers.

Billi

PS:

I am even afraid he might do something to Bruce.

I warned Bruce.

But I cannot even control what Bruce does. I pray they are both going to be okay and not kill each other.

B.

Why not try some Al-Anon meetings? Those are for family/friends of alcoholics. These people are learning how NOT to enable the alcoholic, and how to cope! I'm sure you'd learn a lot from these meetings.

Since you have found yourself the "caretaker" in relationships, there has probably been some enabling too, and that is a common problem when dealing with alcoholics/addicts. It happens to the best of us. I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I also have an alcoholic son -- and even tho I know the "ropes" of Al-Anon about not enabling, I have found myself doing just THAT. So besides going to AA, I've had to go to Al-Anon too. It's done me a world of good.

Of course another good way to meet men is to stay away from bars! LOL Perhaps you could meet someone thru mutual friends, at a coffee shop, Library, bookstore, mall, Museum, etc.

I wish you the very best. Keep us posted!! God bless. Hugs, Lee

I applaud you on your self awareness! I suggest Al-anon which specifically helps friends and family of alcoholics. Here's a great forum for Friends and Family of Alcoholics. You can change your pattern.