[Calico_91]

My father was a medically non compliant bipolar case who also was an alcoholic and cocaine addict. He was very abusive to me throughout my growing up years, which I will get into maybe in other posts. I took care of him when he got terminal. I had no support. It was awful. He died at the age of 50.

He always blamed me for his problems. Told me that I wasn't supposed to be born, but I was born just before the whole Roe v Wade deal and if he had his way, I'd be a piece of flesh in a medical waste bin. Yes he actually has said this to me.

Yeah. Well when I was taking care of him he said "Well I guess I'm glad we had you after all because I have you to take care of me." UGH REALLY?

So yeah. I've had quite a few ****** relationships. I even had one where the guy nearly killed me. And of course I've dated a few addicts. Even though my father was one! SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF FOR THAT!

I do have a great fiance now. He treats me well, but for a while I walked on eggshells as if he was like my exes. There is absolutely NO evidence that he's anything like them, but I always feel like I'm going to be chewed out any minute. He knows about this and he always reassures me and said that it will take time for me not to feel this way. These feelings of impending doom are slowly dissipating, but they're still there.

I still do have that annoying ACOA habit of being extremely loyal to undeserving people. It takes me longer than the average person to kick someone to the curb for being toxic. And doing so causes me great guilt and anxiety!

I guess it's all work in progress stuff. But it's so annoying how these ACOA pitfalls still catch me!

[sideblinded]

Hi Calico

I am an ACOA as well and I am working on shedding my codependent ways. I have made some progress lately and thought I would drop you a little comfort. It isn't your fault that you have a toxic father and that you were made to feel unworthy. I, too attract people who are not good for me and I am learning that I must love myself and that I will not find validation outside of myself. I go to Alonon and get therapy. After 4 years of really working on myself, I have finally had a bit of a breakthrough and I know that there is healing for ACOA's and finally I see a little better, but it takes time. Triggers will probably always be there for me but there is hope. Thanks for sharing.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by Calico_91

I guess it's all work in progress stuff. But it's so annoying how these ACOA pitfalls still catch me!

and these pitfalls will catch us forever, because as we deal with what we can, the uglier stuff will rear its ugly head and say HI IT'S ME. Dealing with the memories - what I can remember - is difficult. Knowing my own mother refused to believe her husband was alcoholic and abusive just keeps me away from my mother now that my father is dead (ten years now). I just have nothing to say that she will hear.

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Calico_91

SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF FOR THAT!

LOL, ACOA and self esteem work helped me get over that!

These feelings of impending doom are slowly dissipating, but they're still there.

Yep, much of my old behavior and reactions are still here - just not as strong as before.

I guess it's all work in progress stuff. But it's so annoying how these ACOA pitfalls still catch me!

Same here BUT less and less as healing continues. good luck.

[LeeeLeee]

I'm 45 and still baffled by how the ACOA pattern has such a subtle hold, even while I see the issues coming a mile away.

Survivors have a few residual battle wounds to overcome but kudos to you for making the connection there.