[tin58]

I feel lost and disconnected. I don't understand how to fix it.

[healingme4me]

[brainhi]

Originally Posted by tin58

I feel lost and disconnected. I don't understand how to fix it.

May lost, drifting and disconnected leave very quickly. I wish you good moments... and soon. Keep fighting.

[Curry]

Can you tell us more about what is going on in your life. I am listening. Or I could just send you a hug.

[tin58]

Hi curry. Sure. Obviously the first part is my parents have been dysfunctional alcohlics for the vast majority of my life. Starting in my early/mid teens I started to understand that something was wrong and to search for understanding what it was.

Gradually I became aware that my parents were alcohlics. Later I became aware of all its effects in my life. I've always been alone and I started to search for friends, support, help from the only source I knew of... My church/religion.

Their teachings were everything I stood for, everything i fought for. the opposite of my dysfunctional family. I wanted to do what i felt was right in the eyes of God.

Little did I know how cold and incredibly cruel they would be. I always adhered to the beliefs, but I only spent about 10 years baptised in this organization.

The damaging thing is that they preach all these wonderful attractive things. Especially attractive to an acoa. All this love and family and friends. But I quickly found out that what they preach and what they do are very different things.

This is all an extremely shortened story of event fyi.

It all culminated when I was told by leaders in the church that everything id been through at home and in church was not real. They said that I was delusional, that I was a schizophrenic. They demanded I take psychiatric medications. So I did and it almost killed me. I was so sick for months and they told me it did not matter if I was sick I had to take them anyways.

Because the meds made me so sick I could not attend many church meetings or even go to work regularly. Because of this I was shunned and attacked by the congregation. It was nightmarish to have everything you've ever believed pulled out from under you. To have your community that you love so much attack you like that.

The members of the church deny any of this happened. They say they never called me mentally ill or demanded I take psychiatric medication. They tell me I'm just "unstable" and delusional.

This was all around a year or two ago. I was able to get off the meds and recover from them. It took a long time. But I lost everything... my beliefs, my community. Everything I held dear. Everything I fought for in opposition to my parents.

So i've gradually come to the realization that my church of 28 years acts exactly like my alcohlic parents! It's crazy. Recently I've found some articles on narcassistic religions and they fit every description. It really shouldn't be a suprise acoas tend to be or be attracted to narcassistic people.

Anyhow that's why I feel lost and drifting :-) some days are better than others and I am feeling sooooo much better than I did when I was associating with that church. I'm just alone and kinda purposeless now.

Although, I'm going back to school to become a psychologist or mental health counselor so I can help others. I'm hoping it's going to help me get friends and not feel lost and drifting.

Sorry for the long wall of text! Thanks for your interest curry :-)

[Curry]

You are so eloquent and have such an open heart, you have helped me, thank you. I went from growing up with an alcoholic Mom and co dependent Dad to a husband who pursued me and promised me we would be each others family, and who set up a whole system to make sure I stayed put. To cut a long story, or life short, he found a mistress half his age and said it was my fault as was everything else, even buying her jewelry. I am back where I started, alone, looking for a home, and a purpose. Hello there, my new friend.

[tin58]

I'm very sorry to hear that curry. Im 28 and personally I have never been in any kind of romantic relationship. But if I had it most certainly would have failed because I did not understand myself or others.

Do you feel your ex is a narcassist type? Don't listen to those things, i feel that's the kind of talk of a manipulative narcassist. Have you ever seen a therapist about your growing up in an alcohlic home?

[Curry]

He is a narcissist. I go to a lot of different groups and share my life - a hug group, a writers group, Alanon, and now a divorce group. I make a lot of friends and laugh a lot even while sharing. I am leery of a therapist. I went to one when I was 15 and was playing way too close to the cliff. I found the lack of feedback cold, helpful for me to back off on to safe ground, but not helpful to celebrate life. I will reconsider. Hugs to you.

[tin58]

Very good. Im glad your groups are helping. I did not realize there where support groups for so many things. I should probably find a group. But I did not like the religiousness of the alnon groups. How is your writers group? How did you find it?

I would definitally give therapy another shot. Therapists come in all types if you will. You might even be able to get a referral from someone in your groups. The idea is you don't just want a therapist...you want a "good" therapist :-)

[Curry]

I will listen to your advice about a therapist.

There are lots of writers groups everywhere. Look them up on the internet, ask at community centres, ask fellow writers. I found one wonderful affirming group and then another, where the facilitator said my main character sounded like a "twit." I was writing a memoir.

[tin58]

Curry, about the 2nd group, that is both awful and hilarious. But I'm glad you eventually ended up finding a good one :-)

Something I'm learning in life is that if something doesn't feel right don't try to force it. Like personally I was trying to force all sorts of dysfunctional things and groups to work and it's just never going to work. Like my church was dysfunctional and I was trying to make it work anyways and it just was never going to work. It makes me so sad but I have to move on to something that does.

Or like with your bad experience with the writing group I would probably have kept with them and tried to force it to work for me and it probably never would have.

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[reality bites]

Originally Posted by tin58

I feel lost and disconnected. I don't understand how to fix it.

Me either ive felt the same way you are feeling for years now. ive tried going to therapy I tried getting high to raise my spirit up but I always end up the same way I was before. Lost without a clue