Not sure if I belong here

My dad drinks. I don't think I have codependence. A friend made a snarky comment about it because of something I wrote on my facebook wall (about relationships but not alcoholism or my family). My therapist at the time told me i wasn't codependent. I just hate the labels people put on families of alcoholics. Why can't we talk about our issues without there being some sort of shame about it?? Am I the only normal one here?? I am not saying anything bad about anybody here, but I just feel like I am not the one to belong here. Does that make any sense??

I just can't stand the labels and I hate reading anything about families of alcoholics. It's like they blame them for the problems they have. Much like people suffering from mental illnesses. They don't see how the labels are just blaming others for what they cannot necessarily help. Do I make sense??? I Need to get that out because I don't feel like people understand me and it's making me feel bad. I hate the judgment and jargon they use.

You or I are not a label. Sometimes those that that share similar experiences want understanding. IMO this forum is not about a label or blame.. it's about understanding and to figure out how to make our lives better. Understanding the reality of
where you came from or what you have been through does not have to be blame... IMO if you stay in blame you are not getting better.

Thanks. I guess I just needed that reminder

Not feeling like you belong is a symptom of being an ACoA.

lol.

j/k. I understand the reaction, but like brainhi said, if someone is using the ACA label to blame their parents, they're off track. The purpose is to shed light on why we are the way we are -- some of that has to do with being raised in an alcoholic family. It's a way of understanding yourself better. It's not an excuse to blame someone else for the way you are. The past is done. We have to figure out what to do now. It's our lives.

Sometimes people need to get angry at their parents for a while. Or they need to talk about the pain they went through. I went through that phase. It can be part of the healing, especially if you come from a family like mine where no one ever expressed feelings or talked about personal stuff like that.

But it wasn't about blame. It was about "this is what happened, and this is how I felt about it." To some degree, "this is what it did to me." Because it did have an effect, a lasting effect -- no denying that. But that's self-understanding, with some anger, hurt, grief, sadness, and shame mixed in. But that's different than blame. You blame sometimes (everyone does), but you don't get stuck there, or you've lost your way.

LOL, I'd just ignore it.