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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Georgia
Posts: 52
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#1
Hello,
I'm posting "the laundry list" which is a list of possible traits we have as adults dealing with alcoholic parent(s). I remember, when I first saw it, I thought. Wow! What a description of things I always wondered about but never new. This version is from VeryWellMind. If you haven't read Adult Children of Alcoholics, by Janet Geringer I would suggest checking it out. It's older now but I found it eye opening. Guess at what normal behavior is Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth Judge themselves without mercy Have difficulty having fun Take themselves very seriously Have difficulty with intimate relationships Overreact to changes over which they have no control Constantly seek approval and affirmation Feel that they're different from other people Are super responsible or super irresponsible Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved Are impulsive—They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess. Some that stand out for me are: Guessing at what normal behavior is, difficulty having fun, and taking myself very seriously. My father passed 6 years ago, and never recovered. Unfortunately I'd begun drinking with him and found myself suffering consequences for alcohol. I have not had a drink for 4 years now and may be a father myself soon. I want to break the cycle so my child doesn't have to endure what I did. For those out there struggling with an alcoholic parent right now, or just addicted parent, you're not alone. |
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*Beth*, Bill3, Buffy01, hvert, Open Eyes, shovelhead
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*Beth*, AliceKate, BEEPositive, Bill3, Buffy01, Ceara1010, lightly toasted, Moose72, nypsychnurse, shovelhead, SybilMarie
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,692
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#2
Quote:
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2016
Location: Texas USA
Posts: 1,168
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#3
I haven't seen the laundry list in years and seeing it now makes me think I need to find a meeting in my area. Some of these things are no longer problems I have, but I think it's time to revisit all this.
__________________ Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 21
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#4
Hello, thank you Simplex for the post, I have to be honest and say it was hard for me to read the laundry list. I haven’t seen it for some time and it’s challenging to see it but also helpful because it’s brings awareness and I thank you for caring to bring that to this community. I also feel it is very brave of you to choose to be a good dad if that is what is coming your way by not drinking. Thanks for saying those with addicted parents aren’t alone. I could use help with dealing with my parents and what they do. Thanks again
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,580
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#5
My dad hasn't lived near me since the mid-90's but this list... I knew it was out there. I just didn't realize how much of it still applies to me! I'm dealing with bipolar disorder and always "felt like an alien"- that it was because of my bipolar that I felt this way but maybe its the ACOA...
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 3 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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*Beth*
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*Beth*
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New Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Akron
Posts: 3
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#6
This Forum is definitely helping me learn things about myself.
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*Beth*
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#7
Wow, I had no idea this existed, but I can definitely relate to more than one thing on there. Namely:
Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end Judge themselves without mercy Have difficulty having fun Take themselves very seriously (kind of) Have difficulty with intimate relationships Feel that they're different from other people Thanks for sharing it! |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2008
Location: N/A
Posts: 2,151
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#8
Thank you for sharing this.
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New Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: Canada
Posts: 2
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#9
Thanks for posting...just reading brb now and very interested in the tools of recovery.
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New Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: Italy
Posts: 1
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#10
Hello, I am new here. I have been in recovery for over 15 years. The beginning was awful, painful, sometimes excrutiating but so worth it! The last five years for instance, have been the best of my life! I have a home, a good, strong, calm marriage, a stable professional life... so why am I here? Because I am a person who does good to other people. And today for instance, I am not sure I did a good thing because people do good things (or they should!) or if I acted out of codependency. How do I know that what I do for others is a good thing and not a codependent one?
I remember that when I was young and deep into codependency, I had the urge to do good, I lived for doing good to other people. It is not an urge anymore and I am able to put myself first but sometimes I complicate my life in order to do good things for other people. And I hope it is not the codependency kicking in again... How can I tell the difference? |
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AliceKate, hvert
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: US
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#11
@cartordia It is really hard to tell the difference! I have no answers to your question but also struggle with this problem.
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