Laundry List and Discovering ACOA in ourselves

Hello,

I'm posting "the laundry list" which is a list of possible traits we have as adults dealing with alcoholic parent(s). I remember, when I first saw it, I thought. Wow! What a description of things I always wondered about but never new. This version is from VeryWellMind. If you haven't read Adult Children of Alcoholics, by Janet Geringer I would suggest checking it out. It's older now but I found it eye opening.

Guess at what normal behavior is

Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end

Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth

Judge themselves without mercy

Have difficulty having fun

Take themselves very seriously

Have difficulty with intimate relationships

Overreact to changes over which they have no control

Constantly seek approval and affirmation

Feel that they're different from other people

Are super responsible or super irresponsible

Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved

Are impulsive—They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Some that stand out for me are: Guessing at what normal behavior is, difficulty having fun, and taking myself very seriously. My father passed 6 years ago, and never recovered. Unfortunately I'd begun drinking with him and found myself suffering consequences for alcohol. I have not had a drink for 4 years now and may be a father myself soon. I want to break the cycle so my child doesn't have to endure what I did. For those out there struggling with an alcoholic parent right now, or just addicted parent, you're not alone.

Thank you for this information.

I haven't seen the laundry list in years and seeing it now makes me think I need to find a meeting in my area. Some of these things are no longer problems I have, but I think it's time to revisit all this.

Hello, thank you Simplex for the post, I have to be honest and say it was hard for me to read the laundry list. I haven’t seen it for some time and it’s challenging to see it but also helpful because it’s brings awareness and I thank you for caring to bring that to this community. I also feel it is very brave of you to choose to be a good dad if that is what is coming your way by not drinking. Thanks for saying those with addicted parents aren’t alone. I could use help with dealing with my parents and what they do. Thanks again

My dad hasn't lived near me since the mid-90's but this list... I knew it was out there. I just didn't realize how much of it still applies to me! I'm dealing with bipolar disorder and always "felt like an alien"- that it was because of my bipolar that I felt this way but maybe its the ACOA...

This Forum is definitely helping me learn things about myself.

Wow, I had no idea this existed, but I can definitely relate to more than one thing on there. Namely:

Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end
Judge themselves without mercy
Have difficulty having fun
Take themselves very seriously (kind of)
Have difficulty with intimate relationships
Feel that they're different from other people

Thanks for sharing it!

Thank you for sharing this.

Thanks for posting...just reading brb now and very interested in the tools of recovery.

Hello, I am new here. I have been in recovery for over 15 years. The beginning was awful, painful, sometimes excrutiating but so worth it! The last five years for instance, have been the best of my life! I have a home, a good, strong, calm marriage, a stable professional life... so why am I here? Because I am a person who does good to other people. And today for instance, I am not sure I did a good thing because people do good things (or they should!) or if I acted out of codependency. How do I know that what I do for others is a good thing and not a codependent one?
I remember that when I was young and deep into codependency, I had the urge to do good, I lived for doing good to other people. It is not an urge anymore and I am able to put myself first but sometimes I complicate my life in order to do good things for other people. And I hope it is not the codependency kicking in again... How can I tell the difference?

@cartordia It is really hard to tell the difference! I have no answers to your question but also struggle with this problem.