[buttrfli42481]

I have been out of the hospital for almost 2 weeks and am struggling to follow my meal plan. I have this feeling deep down that I am going to end up in the hospital again, and if that is going to happen, I want it to happen now not later. I see my dietician tomorrow and am scared that I am going to get lectured for failing to stick to my meal plan. Today was the worst. I had some applesauce for breakfast and then had my snack at about 4 and then ate somewhat of my dinner. Thing is that I was struggling while in the hospital and they didn't want to discharge me, but had no choice with insurance. I am still on a refeeding plan, thus is why I want to go back now. The downside is that I need to be working, I haven't been with the company long enough to qualify for FMLA so I am on leave without pay. I am just so confused and not knowing what to do. I don't even know if I want to keep ED or not at this moment.

[Christina86]

((((hug)))))) how was the appt with the dietician? If you think you need to go back into the hospital, suggest it. No harm or shame in asking for help.

[eskielover]

I don't even know if I want to keep ED or not at this moment.

What are you gaining by keeping it.....verses letting go of it? Give yourself some honest answers about that & maybe you will enlighten your thinking a bit. Know it's hard to be honest with yourself when you are so confused....but sometimes being honest helps clear up the confusion.

I have this feeling deep down that I am going to end up in the hospital again, and if that is going to happen, I want it to happen now not later.

You want it to happen now to prove to them that they shouldn't have discharged you like they did?.....& to get more support on the refeeding plan? I hate the way insurance manipulates our stays in the hospital.....just when you may be getting somewhere, they KICK you out. Think ED is a very sensitive area in that because some of my experience with my ED was that I needed the support I was getting...not just for the ED, but because support was missing in my life & that was the one place where I could get the support I was needing. Not a good incentive to let go of not eating but then, there are many reasons why ED hit us.....& it's NOT all about body image....that is only a fraction of what's involved most of the time.

Were you in the medical hospital? I know that was where I always ended up because my weight loss was so extreme & I kept passing out & I ended up with the central lines & IV nutrition.....none of which I would ever want to go through again.

If you don't stick to the meal plan & you don't want to let go of your ED & you are going to keep ending up back in the hospital......I doubt if the company is going to bother keeping you even though you are on leave without pay.....they hired you for the job they need you to do & that job is going to need to be done....it can't wait around for you to figure out if you want your ED or not I wouldn't think. Just how important is having a job to you?......all ties in with how important is getting better in reality.

What kind of life do you really WANT to live?

All questions I hope you have a T working with you on......I know it's a definite struggle & all these issues are massivly involved in dealing with our ED issues......hope you can end up choosing getting better. It's so much better not having an ED controlling you because that's really what is happening.....we aren't the one in control when the ED is controlling us.....I find it much better to be IN CONTROL of good eating where I really keep at a healthy weight. Gotta admit, there are times when I don't eat well....but I never go without eating like I did.

Hope you find your way to a healthy life.

[aalazhe]

i was in the hostital for 2 weeks then i was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. my mom told me she was scared i was going to die. i now have to turn backwards on the scale and count my calories an get weighed every week i have to even go to a special eating disorder counciler.