[celtic.starlite]

It was suggested to me to come post here about my lack of eating. I have been fighting anorexia (at least that's what I was diagnosed with) for about 14 years, but you'd never know it as I am considered obese. My mom picked up on it about a year after I started to basically stop eating. I was 15 when we went on a cruise and my mom noticed that I only ate once a day from the open buffet and all I would eat would be a few veggies and a piece of bread/roll. When we got home from the cruise, she told me she noticed. She didn't really talk to me about it or ask what was going on (the fact that she even noticed is a huge surprise). She would pack me a lunch for school and put dinner on a plate in the fridge for me to warm up and eat at dinner time (she worked two jobs at the time so she was hardly home). I would toss the majority of my lunch out in the garbage at school and most of my dinner would be scraped of my plate and into the garbage. Mom found it one night and went off on me for wasting the food. So I quickly learned what was ok for the dog to eat and I'd feed that to him and the rest I'd flush down the toilet. Finally, when I was about 18, my mom let me join a weight loss place with nutritionists that would help me. I lost 45 pounds in 4 months! I was thrilled but I still saw myself as fat. I was down to a size 8. I was eating though. The ironic part was that I was eating mostly fast food. The nutritionist and my doctor said I probably lost the weight because the fast food was pushing my calorie intake to be above 1000 calories. When the nutritionist tried to put me on a maintenance program, my body rebounded and all my weight came back within months plus an additional 50 pounds as well. I went back to hardly eating. For the last 7 years, I've been going back and forth between healthy eating, not-so-healthy eating, and not eating. Back in May I went for about 2 and a half weeks hardly eating, and my T suggested I drink these healthy shake/smoothie things that would at least help to get some nutrients in me. Yesterday, I started again. I didn't eat anything but 3 chicken strips yesterday, and now today I finally forced myself to eat a half of sandwich but then I felt so sick.
When I force myself to eat, when I don't feel hungry, I feel so sick afterwards. Many times I actually do get sick, but the sick is not forced, it just happens.
So, I guess that's my story about food and me.

[LornaMorello]

So sorry to hear you're also struggling with such a crippling and nagging disorder.
Your story sounds so similar to my own it hurts
I hope you find that being here helps darling

[celtic.starlite]

Thank you, Lorna.
It is nice to be able to hide it to not have everyone on my back about it because nobody believes I could have anything. Yet, it would be nice to just have someone who cares. It would be nice if I could lose the weight like most people fighting with ED.

Celtic