This isn't to start a debate - I just want to hear opinions from those with anorexia nervosa or a history of having anorexia nervosa.

Some of us "recover" which is great. Does that mean the ED is gone?

I ask because I feel like I will need to manage my ED for the rest of my life. I'm not being a victim. I've just been dealing with it for 20 years.

I liken it to bipolar disorder which currently has no cure. I manage it daily and its "for life" until medical science advances.

I don't know really but I feel like my ED has been so deeply psychologically entrenched.

Maybe I've been dealing with it for much longer than 20 years. When I was 8 years old, my mother (BPD and narcissist) would get mad for who knows why - and scream at me, pull out the hallway scale, make me step on it, and degrade me about my "big butt and round weight."

I needed to vent. I have turned this ED into a tool as an adult for self-management and, well, it's complicated. My mom died long ago so that's no issue.

Just wondering if this ED can be cured or is it a life management thing? I think it is life management and that actually relieves me because the thought of total recovery is not something I can fathom or have ever read.

I hope this post is in keeping with this forum's community guidelines. I've been a member here for a long time but I've always avoided this forum because ... I'm scared.

I welcome PM's if anyone wants to send to me. I am totally not in a life-crisis state. Sadly, my BMI is normal currently and its a daily existence of despising myself in ... being this size.

=[

[CANDC]

rainy day, my days of ED were long ago and shortlived. It was part of my anxiety and depression. It seems that anything I am anxious about is around forever. Or until I find a little light in a dark tunnel.

Everyone I hear from every dx tells me that anything that was a habit is hard to break.

Glad you shared this.

[waggiedog]

Hello dear Rainy day. Well, I've been through the entire ED spectrum for more than 30 years, almost life long like you. I have never had even a short period when one of the ED's hasn't been at the forefront of my daily life. It could be anorexia, bulimia, BED, severe restriction, binge/starve. I've gone through every weight from lowest and hospitalised to bordering on obese and everywhere in between. Right now it's severe restriction following trying to eat "normal and healthy", I ended gaining weight on the latter so resorted back to restriction. To be honest, I've almost never imagined life without ED in it, it's "my" disorder and that's all there is to it. I've done damage to my body over the years, like could not have kids and I have oestoprosis, there are other big issues like drugs and drink which I've used to "manage" my food issues. One big very important thing is that I have BPD and you know how horrible that illness is by your mother. ED's are a big part of BPD I'm afraid, as are OCD's and depression etc. we're complicated us humans arn't we? I would like to say that even if we personally don't find a "cure", we CAN find a way to live alongside our maladies without harming us too much. I hope that might help a little. HUGS and LOVES. Xxx

[eskielover]

I didn't recognize the restricting when I was young because it always came with stress & I would always loose my appetite with stress & not want to eat but would also love the weight I lost during those times.....but the stress was always short lived when I was young (though I realize there was a stress that I didn't even recognize that was going on back in those days which was probably why extra stress reacted in that way).

Anorexia really hit when I was in the middle of a stressful situation that no end was in sight. It was triggered initially after anxiety & depression had taken over after loosing my engineering career & I didn't realize just how bad my bad marriage was adding to this also....given Prozac & I lost a ton of weight at the same time I was totally suicidal so I was actually thinking what a great way to just end my life.....so I totally ignored my weight loss until It was so low I constantly ended up in the hospital & 7 weeks in an ED treatment center (which was a waste of time). It took years to get through that & I did survive (no fault of my own). Ended up gaining too much weight to the point I weighed more than I ever had ever in my life & I'm a very short & small person to start with.......but then......

I was living in an area where smoke from a forest fire covered the valley & everything smelled & tasted like smoke & I ended up with asthma & I started loosing the weight I gained......then another horrible stress & went through a trauma with the home care person when my mother was dying of cancer & I was feeling so sick to my stomach by that point, I couldn't eat or drink anything & I ended up in just a few months loosing most of the weight I had gained from the lowest point I had ever been at in my life & ended up back in the medical hospital with IV nutrition because I got so anemic. It took me years before I could even get back up to my safe weight & at that time I also left my bad marriage after 33 years & moved 2100 miles away to a place where I didn't know anyone....alone with 7 dogs depending on me so I couldn't afford to be passing out all the time or not at least stay as close to my safe weight as possible.....but at the same time I swore that I would never gain like I had after the first experience with anorexia......so I have to admit that I only eat one meal a day & there are many days when I end up eating nothing or almost nothing......then I had oral surgery & had to have all my teeth removed just this March & eating is next to impossible unless the food is pureed because I can't tolerate dentures as then make me gag & get sick...my mouth is so small that dentures just don't even fit in the first place & it felt like my mouth was so full there was no room left....so I totally blew off the dentures & the implants & overdentures are way too expensive to afford......so I'm looking for options of how I can get help affording it. The healing of my mouth is causing the migraines to be constant again even though the med I'm on is helping to keep the pain at a lower level.....it doesn't help in wanting to eat.

There are also times when I work on my farm that I'm just too tired to even make anything to eat....sometimes a bowl of soup is all I bother with & from the previous bad anorexia times, I don't feel hunger much of the time....it usually takes several days for the feel of hunger to hit.

Though the anorexia & my weight are under control weight wise, it doesn't mean that I still don't use restriction to keep my weight in control.....gain a few lbs & I will restrict to the point I loose them.....so at this point I have a range that I'm willing to accept & that is where I'm at at this point......BTW....I am 62 years old & still dealing with these issues.

It's been a struggle processing in T all the underlying stressors that have been a cause for the anorexia......they do get better & so my stress is now not so much the thing that causes me to loose weight....but the restriction used to maintain weight is really what I have found to work.....so there are times when I will actually enjoy food out with friends....but I will make sure that it doesn't permanently affect my weight......so there are aspects of the anorexia that I think stick with us all our life & I have to admit....when I see the scales going down...it's hard to NOT WANT them to continue....that is a fight that I constantly have.

[Fuzzybear]

[waggiedog]

Oh how great it must be never to feel hunger. I've had all of the ED's for soooooooooo many years BUT, even at my lowest weight and hospitalised, I never actually lost my appatite. I have always had to fight it and I HATE that I'm basically such a pig and have to continusiously fight my hunger. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx