[Martix]

Hello, I am new here and I am scared.

I am a male (gay), 19 yo.

I love food, I usually eat before I am actually hungry and also when I am bored but my weight hasn't changer for a year though. However I felt bad for eaiting "so much" sometimes but my will wasn't strong enough to stop.

Everything changed on Monday morning when I had a yogurt for breakfast and then I didn't take any food to school. I managed not to eat till the evening when I had another yogurt. It surprised me. I wasn't hungry like this for ages, if ever. But I kinda enjoyned the feeling andI felt happy. The next day was the same. Then on Wednesday and ThursdayI had to eat a little bit more (my parents served me dinner) but it was still much more less than I would normally eat. Today (Friday) I didn't eat anything till it was 24 hours since my last meal and I had a yogurt and a few almonds in the afternoon. Now I feel pretty hungry again but there is something inside my head which is "blocking" me from going to the kitchen and just grab something. I don't even feel desire to eat.

I am not sure why I behave like this suddendly. Yes, I have struggled from body dismorphic disorder for years (because of my crooked spine) but never from feeling fat or something. Now I have a goal is to lose to loose some weight just to know if I'll look better. I know it is bad, I saw lots of pictures of very unhappy anorexic people but at the same time I feel I want to be really thin. Everytime I say to myself I should stop now I feel like it would be "a failure at my goal".

I don't know what to do, I feel so confused. I am scared what would my boyfriend and parents think of me if they knew.

What do you think does it mean?

[eskielover]

First off don't set unhealthy goals for yourself. If you're going to set a goal make it one that will make a positive difference in your life. Thin is not that kind of goal.

I know personally when I am stressed & bust I have no appetite. Could be what you are going thru. Mid terms & finals were always stressful weight loss times... But anything stressful can cause that.

If it is the start of an ED...STOP!!!! Don't start because it gets even harder to stop after you start that stopping now

[dasil777]

I agree.
The deeper you get into this, the harder it is to get out.
It's like a slower version of quicksand.
Basically, it's a **** show.
Avoid at all costs.