[TryingToHelp88]

I work part time in an office for something to do since my kids have grown up. There is a girl there whose an intern. She's very sweet and we talk a lot. Recently she came in with a concussion and her mom wouldn't let her stay home to get some rest even with a concussion. I couldn't help but ask her to come home with me instead of go to class and the rest of her meetings because she needed rest. She agreed and I told her to lay down on the couch, she was asleep In seconds. She's not heavy at all, but she lives at home with her parents who want her to be perfect.Her mom was calling her fat and giving her diet pills.
Flash forward 2 more weeks she ended up in the hospital with a starved heart and high fever. She needs to go to an inpatient facility but her parents told her they would pull her insurance, not pay for her school etc if she did. I finally couldn't stand it any longer and when she was released she told her parents she was staying in a friends dorm for a little bit for convenience but really I have her with me. I started her seeing a therapist,forcing her to rest (I know I cannot legally force her to do anything but if I tell her to take a nap or that it's bedtime she listens so I do it to help her) but now I need to start re-feeding her. She's so fragile.

[nicoleflynn]

She needs intervention; call a social worker, etc.

[alieninshadows]

This is likely to have gone on for longer than she's been an adult. Try gently asking her what her childhood and teen hood was like. When the pressure to be perfect and thin started. And consult the feeding clinic for advice on what your legal rights are in helping this girl, her rights and the parents rights and obligations. This is to protect yourself from legal backlashing. Seek an attorney. Contact your local police department and tell them of the situation.
It sounds like the parents are not only neglectful, but this could be a case of cruelty, maybe even slavery.

[Happy pills]

You are doing the right thing in helping but do be careful that your friend doesn't become dependant on you as this could lead to major problems for you both.

[amandalouise]

um.. refeeding is very dangerous, and should not be done. here is a link to information about it.....Refeeding Syndrome | Nutrition411

if she is in this phase of recovery she should be in a hospital setting where they can have her eating based on what her body requirements are.

another thing to consider... some people who get like this their parents have been court appointed for making mental and physical health decisions. if this is the case then you may actually be committing a crime (kidnapping and others) if her parents have no idea where she is, what treatment she is receiving and such things that the courts may have designated as the parents choices not the 21 year old. (not always but most times theres a reason why a 21 year old still lives with their parents and their parents are over seeing that persons health issues.)

I know you are just trying to help this person which shows you are a very kind and caring person but with out all the information and the medical\psychological qualifications needed you could accidentally be doing more harm.

my suggestion is not to lie to her parents. ohio does have adult protective services that can do an investigation to whether the situation is a dangerous one and they can get her into special services that can help her. contact your social services adult protective services department.

bottom line is if you are not her treatment providers and not her guardian you could actually end up doing more harm than good for her by attempting to re feed her, not to mention if something happens you could be held responsible through the justice system.

[amandalouise]

forgot to add, for those who do not click on unfamiliar links....refeading is a situation where a person with eating disorders gets too much food too fast and their body goes into shock. sometimes this happens through a caretaker trying to get food into someone with an eating disorder, other times it happens when the one with the eating disorder has gone for a few days with out food or with very little food then they eat. during the time they are with out or with very little food their body gathers what it needs to survive from the body (muscles, cells, ...) then when food is added the body switches quickly back to getting what it needs to survive from the food sources and it sends the body into shock and other health issues like heart problems, death and other organ and body failure issues. a trained treatment provider introduces food back into the process through tube feeding, then actual food at an extremely slow rate. it takes many many months if not years to heal everything that happens during the refeeding phase. most if not always it takes inpatient care. which brings me to my next question...

in the original post it states that the person was denied inpatient care but then the post stated when the person was released they lied to their parents.

so Im confused ....in order for this person to have been released they had to have been in an inpatient treatment (hospitalized).

if the parents are in control of the insurance and they denied to pay then how could this person have been in a treatment facility in order to be released...

my point lots of questions being raised for me when re reading this thread.

[Souris]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

in the original post it states that the person was denied inpatient care but then the post stated when the person was released they lied to their parents.

so Im confused ....in order for this person to have been released they had to have been in an inpatient treatment (hospitalized).

if the parents are in control of the insurance and they denied to pay then how could this person have been in a treatment facility in order to be released...

my point lots of questions being raised for me when re reading this thread.

The OP stated that she did in fact end up in a hospital, but the implication is that she needs further specialized treatment in a safe environment, which her parents would not allow.
I've been in a similar situation for a different reason.
I had some things I definitely needed a professional to help with and my mother pulled me out of what I needed and told me if I tried to go back she'd pull my insurance, that she'd kick me out of the house, etc.
Despite being over 18, in a situation like that, abusive parents will still have control over their child.

[winter4me]

You did the right thing by getting a therapist involved-----I hope they will get her the help she needs in spite of the parents. If they pull her insurance, she can apply for her own, or for assistance as needed. A social worker could really help with this---or someone at your local social services agency---

[eskielover]

Flash forward 2 more weeks she ended up in the hospital with a starved heart and high fever. She needs to go to an inpatient facility but her parents told her they would pull her insurance,

Amandalouise......sounds like she ended up in the medical hospital & they will only treat the medical condition. Once that is stabilized, they want you to go to an ED treatment center inpatient because normal medical hospitals aren't set up to treat ED refeeding or the psychological issues behind them.

Sounds to me like in this case, it's the parents perfection that's driving this ED. When I was medically ill from the anorexia.....they gave me IV nutrition through a central line rather than a feeding tube & once I was stable they let me go. My MD & pdoc wanted me to find an ED treatment center but none would treat the issues that were causing my problems & weren't capable of dealing with the PTSD that had triggered it that time in the first place.

Some impatient treatment is just for the refeeding & not for the serious treatment of the issues behind the ED itself.

I have been working with starved horses since August & the problems that were pointed out in the article Amandalouise provided is REAL. We almost lost 2 of the horses while refeeding them......it can cause serious heart problems that can show up in the first week after refeeding starts if it's not done properly & too much food is given trying to get the person to eat again. It is only something that should be done under medical supervision especially if it got so bad to the point she had the problems she had that got her into the medical hospital in the first place.

[HonestlyLying]

Don't do something as dangerous as refeeding her. Being refed kills some people.