[moonythecatlady]

Hi!
I'm new here, and I don't have anyone to talk to in real life about these issues, so here goes... I've been a recovered anorexic/bulimic for 6 years now. I've had some ups and downs and before I recovered, I relapsed a few times, but got out eventually. I've considered myself fully recovered for the past 6 years as I haven't had any relapses in eating disordered behaviors this whole time.
I recently changed my work schedule which led to less time for eating, which in turn caused me to involuntarily lose about 10 pounds. This means I'd now only have to lose a few pounds to be underweight... and that's when old thoughts started creeping in. Like, what if I just lost those pounds, what would it feel like? I'm toying with the idea that I just "want to see what happens", which is what landed me in an eating disorder in the first place, and I've started googling for anorexia documentaries and things like that and I just need to snap the ***** out of it before I act on my impulses. I've been free of these impulses for such a long time, and I find that losing this weight combined with a friend of mine losing a lot of weight recently really triggers me. My friend is thin on the verge of looking unhealthy and it's really triggering for me to see her, as I feel competitive and like I have to "win" by being thinner than her (I've always been the thinnest person in my group of friends but now she is). So, I also feel like an asshole towards my friend who is possibly having an eating problem. I haven't seen her for a couple of months because I really can't deal with being near her right now. I've also started isolating myself from my friends.
Any of you have any thoughts or ideas about this? Thank you!

[Skeezyks]

Hello moony: Well... my thought is that this is perhaps all something you should be talking about with a therapist... head it off at the pass, so to speak. Simply allowing all of this to continue to rattle around in your brain is, to my way of thinking, a prescription for trouble.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[RainyDay107]

Welcome, moony! I don't want to trigger you, as I have my own issues. I can say that it's about seeking control over my life. I just wanted to welcome you to the forums.