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#1
Sep 29, 2009, 01:02 PM
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I am very seriously entertaining the idea that my husband has APD in addition to some other issues.
His childhood was full of people that were abusive. His mother was and his step-fathers were as well. His mother has been married and divorced three times. A lot of the time that he was growing up, he was dumped off with family members. One time, his mother left him with a teacher of his. His grandfather is the one person that he looked up to as a role model and he was abusive as well. He would run into other cars in a parking lot because they took a space that he deemed his. Hit his daughters when they talked out of turn and abuse his grandchildren because he didn't like their behavior. My husband seems to idolize this type of treatment and believes that it is appropriate. While his mom was married to husband #3, he spent a lot of time using different things to control all of them. Money, physical abuse and verbal abuse were most of the means. His mother also spent a lot of time finding creative ways to control her husband. As they all got older, she and her husband would spend most of their time fighting, breaking things, slamming doors and cursing and telling eachother how much they hated the other. Now, I need to get to him: He spent his adolescence using drugs, drinking and causing fights. He ended up in military school because he was failing most subjects in public school and they were going to expell him. He went on to military school and didn't have a choice but to finish. Once he finished high school, he met and married a woman that he had met three weeks earlier. They began a family and had two daughters. This is when he joined the military, although he never even made it through the first enlistment period. He went AWOL and took his family to live with friends until someone gave him up. To this day, he is barred from voting in the general elections because he has an other than honorable discharge. During the time that they were married, his mother provided most of the care for their children. They were busy doing what they wanted to do and going out all night with their respective friends. Also, they spent countless hours abusing each other and neglecting their children. Eventually they divorced. He has hit his oldest daughter and called her a "*****" among many other things. Neither of the girls will have anything to do with him to this day. He and his mother have spent a great deal of time abusing me in many ways. They both have called me everything under the sun, many of these things cannot be repeated here. Anyway, they both blame me for the state of his life. He tried going to college, but never made it through even two semeters and of course he has an excuse for that too (its his ex's fault). He still tells everyone that he graduated from that particular institution and no one knows any different. He has never been able to keep a job or get along with the people that he works with or for. He is always getting fired for one "reason" or another. He has a lifelong pattern of being physically abusive to everyone, even strangers. He has stopped his car because a man on a backhoe was in the road and ended up hitting him then laughing about it. He has become pretty good at prevoking people (even at work) by calling them names, making fun of them because of their race, religion nationality. They end up getting into a physical fight that automatically becomes everyone else's fault but his and he puts them into the car, wall or breaks other peoples property in the process. He has been sued by a patron of a bar that he used to work at for "malicious assault and battery", the company settled out of court and he was fired. He has admitted to doing these things to this person (as well as many others) and laughed about it. He threw Fred Durst and ICP out of a club by their britches, he says. He cannot fathom that other people have feelings and that the way that he acts causes them discomfort or alarm. He believes that all of these things are perfectly normal and states that it is who he is and he isn't changing who he is. He has two "friends" that he appears to be close to. They are father and son and the son is only 19. He says that they are just alike and that they get along perfectly. They both have a similar background and temperment. Neither one of them have many friends. Also, these two or three are gone every weekend doing whatever they choose, only he is the one who has a family that he should be around for. We have a son and our son is pretty angry with him at the moment about his insensitive comments and attitude. He is 8. He also is starting to develop an opinion that his dad is wrong in the things that he does, says and the way that he treats people. It is alarming for me when my 8 year old son has a better reasoning ability than his father. He is a habitual liar and will does so at anytime. He does not feel bad about those things and has excuses for all of it. He also has had a continuous problem with pornographic websites, singles date lines, gay material, BDSM (including violence), animals, and so on. These things he always has an excuse for: either I am not interested in him anymore or I always want someone else. In general he hates women, African Americans, people from the Middle East, the overweight (he's not small), children, and the elderly. He hates everyone in my family from my grandmother, uncles, aunts, all the way to my sister. I have never seen any of them to things that would warrant such hatred, but he does. When I ask what it is that each one of them have done, he doesn't have an answer other than that make him crazy. They are all their own people with their own strengths and weaknesses and I cannot seem to find a reason for that hate. He has gone in to great detail about how he would want to kill people and takes pleasure in the thoughts. This is something that I cannot even begin to relate to. We all want to wring someone's neck once in a while, but to take pleasure in descriptive, fantasy such as that seems almost psychopatic. It's scary to know there are people who think that way. He takes great pleasure in being called an "asshole" and claims that title gratefully. To tell the truth, he is the biggest asshole I have ever met in my life. I don't think I will ever meet another person who can be a bigger one. Right now, he is actually looking into different mental health centers around. That is futher than he has ever gotten in his life. He really needs it. Any information or advice would be appreciated. Last edited by Christina86; Sep 29, 2009 at 09:30 PM. Reason: added trigger icon |
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#2
Sep 30, 2009, 02:10 PM
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Wow! Lots of red flags there. About him calling around to mental health centers, even if they get a diagnosis of apd, which is highly unlikely as people with apd are very adept at manipulating, being untruthful, stealing, cheating and terrifying others that a diagnosis of apd is unlikely. They are able to even sway those in the mental health field as well as those in the justice system to believe their lies. What is really tragic is that there is no cure yet, and no treatment for this. There is a lot of information on the internet on the internet about these people. They use to be called psychopaths or sociopaths. There is a support group out there for people who are or who have dealt with a psychopath in their lives. If you google psychopathic support the group name should be first on the list. I know i have not offered a lot of support and comfort, and i do wish you the best...please feel free to pm me on here. I have a ton of info on these people to refer you to. Also look up dr. Hare's website, he is the formost authority on psychopath's. I have done a lot of reading on this subject and wanted to pass it a long to you after i read your post. Again, feel free to pm me if you want.
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#3
Sep 30, 2009, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Thank you very much for at least reading it. I really am okay without support. I think what I am actually looking for is maybe just someone to read it, understand it and to gain more information on it. I am a Psychology student and understand that side, but PD's were never my thing. Thanks. |
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#4
Oct 01, 2009, 03:29 PM
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No problem!
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#5
Oct 04, 2009, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
........must say, impressed by the name! 
__________________
"Strong passions are the precious raw materials of sanctity" Fulton Sheen |
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#6
Oct 06, 2009, 02:16 PM
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PD's are mental health illnesses, so it should be on the psych course? btw.
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#7
Nov 23, 2009, 08:22 PM
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PD's are not covered in detail. Even in ab psyc, however you would think that they would be.
Focus is generally on Bulimia, Anorexia, Bipolar and Schizophrenia. Then they continue on to the various paraphilias. Don't know about anyone else, but I would take PD's over paraphilias any day! |
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#8
Nov 23, 2009, 08:59 PM
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Quote:
So now it is time to update. My husband has left since this posting, although he is still present enough to cause issues for my son and I. He was here on a Sunday, then packed up and told me that he can't stand me anymore. He wants to be able to make decisions on his own and he has found out after two marriages (our relationship spanned 10 years) that he isn't made to be married. He has been by to see our son a few times, but always wants me around while he is here. I would rather not be here, in all honesty. Tonight he was supposed to come by and spend time with our son, however at the time he was supposed to be here, he called and I had to take my son elsewhere to have dinner with him. Then I had to drop him off at the place he's staying. All the while he has spent time going back and forth from not wanting to be here, to he wants time to make a decision and most recently he is attending anger management classes. He has also been caught in just as many lies as when he was here (not that I expected any different). He has told me that I was controlling his whole life, which I am not, and gave me a list of people that agree with him. I think that it hurt me more with him stating that other people agreed with this than it did about him telling me. I decided to ask the people who are extremely honest, and it turns out this was just another way for him to inflict pain on me and to cause suffering. This was not at all true or spoken of in any form. He told me that he was sleeping at work on the floor. After a while, there were too many inconsistencies and I decided to do some investigating. I went by the place that (he wasn't staying) where his friend/boss lives and his work van was there. Then I went to his work and checked there because after dealing with him so long I know that what I present has to be concrete and lacking loopholes. He was not there. I had tried to call him a few times and he finally called me back when he got up at noon. When asked where he was, the only thing that he said was that he was at the same place that he has been staying. I still asked where and he repeated it to me. This is when I stated that he had told me that he was staying at work, which he answered that it was where he was. I told him that he was lying and he got aggravated with me and said that he was not. I told him that I knew that he wasn't at work because I had already been by there. He started drilling me with questions about where he worked and the address there, attempting to call my bluff. I explained where it was (I had been there 1 time) and rattled off 3 of the 4 numbers in the address. This is when he told me that he had gotten to this friends at 6:30 am to do laundry and was still working on it. After a while of going back and forth his story changed from 6:30 to 3 am then that he had just arrived there, he never admitted to staying there. Now tonight, he is supposed to be attending the first of the anger management classes, which I offered to take him to since I was already taking him to his boss's and he declined, telling me that he needed to shower and change clothes before leaving. I didn't drop him off until 45 mins before the classes were scheduled to start and it takes that long to drive to that particular location. That was the first thing that struck me as odd. Then I had texted him to see if he had made it and he said that he was getting ready to in, then asked me why I was asking. This is something that is generally an indicator that something's a miss. He gets even more defensive than usual. Anyway, I called this place's main office and spoke with them about the said classes. They told me that they do not offer specific classes for anger but can incorporate them into the recovery programs for addicts. The clincher is that he is not a substance abuser... I'm not saying that he never will be or never has in his life, but he hasn't in the 10 years that I have known him. Most of what he tells everyone are lies... but I have figured out the signs that he is lying, most people believe what he says. He is a good liar. He doesn't want to be here and has abandoned both of us, but doesn't want for me to proceed with the legal system to end this either. I think I just wanted to put this out there and rant about it. Thanks for reading! |
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#9
Nov 24, 2009, 06:37 PM
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Thanks for sharing.
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#10
Dec 15, 2009, 05:09 PM
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Please- just leave this loser already! If not for yourself than for your child! He doesn't need "anger management"; in fact, there is nothing that can help him, b/c people who have this PD have a serious defect in their brains. Even if he did have an excuse for acting this way-which he doesn't- how could you stay w/ someone who treats you or your son so horribly??? Get out before he takes you out, & if you don't think he's capable of it, trust me, he is & wouldn't think twice about anything except getting caught.
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#11
Dec 15, 2009, 08:00 PM
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Here is your husband according to the DSM-IV:
Factor1: Personality "Aggressive narcissism"
Because an individual's scores may have important consequences for his or her future, the potential for harm if the test is used or administered incorrectly is considerable. The test can only be considered valid if administered by a suitably qualified and experienced clinician under controlled conditions. [2][3] Hare wants the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to list psychopathy as a unique disorder, saying psychopathy has no precise equivalent[2] in either the DSM-IV-TR, where it is most strongly correlated with the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, or the ICD-10, which has a partly similar condition called dissocial personality disorder. Both organizations view the terms as synonymous. But only a minority of what Hare and his followers would diagnose as psychopaths who are in institutions are violent offenders.[12][13] The manipulative skills of some of the others are valued for providing audacious leadership.[14] It is argued psychopathy is adaptive in a highly competitive environment, because it gets results for both the individual and the corporations[15][16][17] or, often small political sects they represent.[18] However, these individuals will often cause long-term harm, both to their co-workers and the organization as a whole, due to their manipulative, deceitful, abusive, and often fraudulent behaviour.[19] Hare describes people he calls psychopaths as "intraspecies predators[20][21] who use charm, manipulation, intimidation, sex and violence[22][23][24] to control others and to satisfy their own selfish needs. Lacking in conscience and empathy, they take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without guilt or remorse".[3] "What is missing, in other words, are the very qualities that allow a human being to live in social harmony."[ So, I wish you luck. |
 Psyched
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#12
May 25, 2012, 05:01 PM
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I think I need to goggle that sociopath group because with the exception of the fighting this sounds like my ex wife. She couldn't tell the truth if she was swimming in a pool of it, she made my life a nightmare had me falsely arrested three times and while I don't like to blame others for something that I participated in when someone sets out to make you a victim by pretending to love you, then marry you and almost from the moment she said I do she was cheating with her ex with whom she piloted to destroy my liife to the guy who lived directly across from us I have lost a house a good job, a car and most of my sanity. How I have kept from doing her harm is beyond me though it does come to mind often. To me this is no worst then someone pulling a gun on you and robbing you and I feel that if you put yourself out there like that then you get what you get. But she being the coward that she is. after doing what she has. Have the police thinking that I some kind of stalker who won't let go nothing could be further from the truth the best thing that ever happened to me was losing her at lease now I have peace in my life I'm not always worrying about who she's trying to screw behind my back or who she's e-mailing on my computer I Just don't think the lien manipulative ***** should get away with it and I feel that since I 've already been in jail three times no nothing I should bust her up I've already done the time I ought to get something out it, because thats the only way that I will get any justice from this if that is justice at all
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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