Jun 22, 2016, 12:11 PM
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Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milkSometimes
Interested in your opinions.
Ive never self identified with the term, or tried to, until an observant boyfriend of mine started claiming I must be one. At first I didn't realize he was serious.
I never really thought of it, but after reading many 'symptoms' and stories of the supposed diagnosed, I realized I shared many of them. I feel indifferent about it either way, but I am after more insight. If my difference is not sociopathy, I would like to spend my time finding out what else it might be. I don't want to be constrained by a psychological label if I consult a real psychologist, so I imagine this is the next best thing.
Some of my notable qualities are as follows:
• narcissistic
• lacking guilt; unempathetic
• I do not understand the desire for friendships
• superficial friendships
• bored easily, cut off friends, romantic partners, quit jobs etc, once they don't amuse me or don't benefit
• am left clueless with how to console someone who is upset - have often been criticized for this repeatedly
• possibly unrelated, but I seem to copy others speech patterns, their laughter, etc - often told I have an accent but their guess on it always changes
• don't pick up right away on certain emotion based social cues
For a couple examples of that last one:
• VP of a company I worked for was discussing with me something he must have considered a personal or emotional issue; he tells me I can speak freely and I don't need to be afraid of him. He really emphasizes this. I do not understand. I look at him blank for a moment and he repeated himself. 'I don't fear you. Why would I?' Was my automatic response - or something equally inappropriate. He explained something like: 'I know I'm your boss in a way, you don't have to be afraid though'. I was dumb founded. Why should I fear him, why did he think I feared him? Later it set in that people are supposed to have or display a little bit of healthy fear towards their boss or authority figures.
• or the other day, my latest boyfriend got mad at me. 'You can't just guilt me into having sex with you. Sexual attraction is about more than appearance, why can't you understand that?' Again, I didn't know what he wanted. It never occurred to me people wanted to have sex for reasons beyond physically. He got angry and left the room and I felt a little pleased I could push him like that, but also annoyed I wasn't getting ****ed. At the same time I really enjoy the times he is not easy to persuade, I like challenges and I can't see any enjoyment coming from doing this with someone too easy to influence.
I've also done things like gotten people fired or persuaded others they are not the right fit for a job title, so that I can advance instead. It was nothing personal, I just wanted it more than they did, I feel.
I've stolen, but not often and I don't feel a deep need to. I've also done many drugs or such things, but I've never felt the need to break laws or commit crime for no reason. I've never been fired - my work peers always like me.
I also do think I feel lots of emotions, just not how everyone else seems to. I spent a large portion of my childhood thinking I was smarter than the other kids, then my teens thinking other people must all be faking the things they feel: friendship, bonds, concern or care for others. I still sort of think they do, like they want to look good for society's standards and that's why they act so different than I feel. I am still eager to think they and I are the same.
I have read many self diagnosed sociopaths saying they don't cry or anything like that other than as an act. This is something else I do not understand and a large part of why I think I may not be a sociopath. I can cry over things - usually my own loss. I cry for myself and my feelings, but not for others and theirs. I once met a man I think was a true sociopath through in through. He started wooing me and trying to make us out to be alike. I had already heard much of him and saw in him a bit of me. I knew what he was trying to do. I played the game. I left him hints though. I had wanted, if he didn't see it already, to see the real reasons I thought he and I were the same - not the personas we were playing each other with. We made a game of it. Both of us wanted to win -- wanted to be the one to have control over the other. It was not properly spoken but I think we both understood it. I spent my time studying what i thought he felt was perfect and acted it. Eventually i feigned wanting a relationship, hoping this would entrap him. He refused but continued to try to hold my attention, but when I pushed he ran away. I felt very angry. I felt that this man, who by all means should have been mine, got away. I'm sure he felt he 'won'. I have on occasion cried over this. Despite my new exploits I can't stand the idea I didn't 'win' him. I felt a great deal of infatuation over it, I thought I'd played my role so perfectly. Most claimed sociopaths do not seem to claim they are upset over lost conquests. So does this also indicate I am not one?
In relationships in general, whether I am with guys or girls, I am very generous. I give endlessly attention, time and gifts. I figure out what their perfect is and I become it. It's only when I get bored or feel like I'm not getting enough back that I get abusive. If the person is only infatuated with me and doesn't act as a challenge, I'll cut them off without word or notice. Not worth my time. If the abuse doesn't get me what I want, I might mourn my infatuations a little (if they were someone I was infatuated with), then out they go.
I've come to think I could simple be a little damaged, and it presents itself similarly to sociopathy. But I'd like input, so I may better come to my own decision.
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Ya know, I'm not one to have people flocking here and trying to act like they're a sociopath because they do some agro or heartless things, but you definitely sound sociopathic. What shocked me the most was that you're a female, because, ya know, usually there are less female sociopaths or females with any kind of neurological, personality, or mental disorder in general. Although I'd disagree in saying that sociopaths and psychopaths don't cry, some experience depression, and others may have strong reactions to certain stimuli. I have bipolar also, so it's classified as a bridge between a depressive and psychotic disorder, so very occasionally when the boredom gets to me and/or I have a lot of stress, I cry. It's rare but it happens. I thought it was kinda funny that your exploits sounded like a romance novel though.
Now that raises a question: do all or most sociopathic women feel romantically/emotionally involved foreal in their "relationships?"
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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