Curious

Hello everybody

I am a 19 year old male who has had the diagnoses of ASPD flung around between varying psychologists/counselors/psychiatrists. However, I am very curious as to whether any of you have had thoughts which led to you being diagnosed with this disorder. I am told that people with ASPD rarely spur their own treatment process.

To start, callous and unemotional has described me since the earliest days I can remember. I only cried once in my lifetime (and had actually felt sad). That was when my father died when I was six years of age. I have always been very aggressive and exploitative. People to me are extensions of myself, to be used. Every person in my life at the current moment serves a purpose, and if any of those people stop fulfilling those purposes, they get discarded. I can wear kindness like a suit and tie, and use it commonly to gain rapport (with success, may I add). Violence is quite literally the only thing that excites me besides drugs and other extreme things such as climbing dangerous rock faces, or skydiving. I have been fighting since the age of 4. I have However, upon reflection, I realized I never even once felt bad about hurting those people. I am an excellent liar, to this day the only person I would describe as adept at detecting my deceitfulness would be my mother.

At the age of 16 I had engaged with a clinical psychologist, and I lied so much that she actually had the intuition that I was a good person. After that, and being arrested for drug possession and unruly, I was forced into seeing a team of specialists. I employed a strategy of deceit with them as well. It worked for a while, until they started to break confidentiality and tell my mother what I was saying. Upon manipulating my mother to let me leave that place after my time was done, she had told me that I have several signs of having experienced conduct disorder, and given I was 18 at the time, ASPD.

Using this information presented to me, I am left to the conclusion that I do possess this disorder (or even Psychopathy) to an extent. Again, my question is have any of you spurred your own treatment process out of simple curiosity?

Thank you for your replies

I doubt you are a psychopath as you have joined a forum to discuss your personality and a psychopath wouldn't necessarily do that. As to APD I guess you have some traits.

Why not?

I dunno. I got diagnosed as bi-polar after a suicidal bout and then someone posted some checklist about being a psychopath that fit me almost 100%, so I got curious about ASPD. I've always been a lying, manipulative a-hole. It runs in the family. I've just never been honest enough with a psychologist to get the diagnosis, I think.

I have not been officially diagnosed but that works to my advantage more than my disadvantage with what I want to do in life. Frankly, I enjoy being cruel and tormenting others who cross me or I don't consider "friends." It'd be a guilty pleasure if I felt guilty. The only thing I'd need help with if getting a diagnosis and treatment is to not be self destructive with certain things I do.

Why do you guys come to us for a diagnosis? We're not medical professionals(most of us aren't anyway), even if we were to tell you what we think you are, the majority of us aren't certified to give a conclusive diagnosis. If you want to actually be diagnosed, you can list some behaviors and we can give advice on whether we think you qualify to try and receive one from an actual psychiatrist.

But if not, it's not going to mean much getting an answer from us.

psychopaths dont feel emotions, well not what i know of, they can pretend to show emotions but its all an act, the fact u cried even if it was just the once,says your not a psychopath