A weird attraction to other psychotics?

argv_argc · Nov 28, 2015, 07:42 PM

Do you ever find yourself acquiring friendships with other people that fit the same mold? I notice it's not exactly a "trusting" relationship or anything like that, but one in which you share some common beliefs, theories, etc?

I "get along" with just about everyone, but some people I relate with on a deeper level, usually having something to do with a deep, dark imagination and some pretty sick jokes (probably according to the rest of the population).

Anyways, happy Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and all that crap.

Atypical_Disaster · Nov 29, 2015, 12:29 PM

Yes, of course I tend to gravitate towards people that share commonalities with me. It's 100% normal for human beings to do that.

argv_argc · Nov 29, 2015, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Yes, of course I tend to gravitate towards people that share commonalities with me. It's 100% normal for human beings to do that.

Right.. but I don't share "commonalities" with much of the human population. Maybe 1% of it, and that's pushing it a little.

crosstobear · Nov 30, 2015, 01:41 AM

It's called validation. We seek friendships with people that validate our senses of self, however fractured or healthy they may be. I've always said that common interests don't make a lasting relationship, but rather whether or not that relationship validates what you believe about yourself on a fundamental level at that time.

For instance, some people wonder why some choose to abandon loving partners and instead embrace and marry abusive ones. On some level, a partner that treats this person like crap validates what they unconsciously believe about themselves at the time, that they are crap. Human beings being resistant to evolution and change because it exposes them to existential anxiety and really uncomfortable dissonance, will resist to the very end and remain with what they are comfortable with because validation of their existence is so damn important. Without that validation they cannot separate their experience from that of the world and they feel an engulfment or loss of their identity.

Core beliefs are created as a flux of childhood experiences, parental responses to temperament, environment, and progressing life experiences. The more we seek out environments and relationships which validate our childhood experiences, the more calcified these core beliefs become. This is why therapeutic intervention is so important and a constant challenging of ourselves is so important. Its important to embrace discomfort and the unnatural because that is what will help us grow and develop as people.

argv_argc · Dec 01, 2015, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crosstobear

It's called validation. We seek friendships with people that validate our senses of self, however fractured or healthy they may be. I've always said that common interests don't make a lasting relationship, but rather whether or not that relationship validates what you believe about yourself on a fundamental level at that time.

For instance, some people wonder why some choose to abandon loving partners and instead embrace and marry abusive ones. On some level, a partner that treats this person like crap validates what they unconsciously believe about themselves at the time, that they are crap. Human beings being resistant to evolution and change because it exposes them to existential anxiety and really uncomfortable dissonance, will resist to the very end and remain with what they are comfortable with because validation of their existence is so damn important. Without that validation they cannot separate their experience from that of the world and they feel an engulfment or loss of their identity.

Core beliefs are created as a flux of childhood experiences, parental responses to temperament, environment, and progressing life experiences. The more we seek out environments and relationships which validate our childhood experiences, the more calcified these core beliefs become. This is why therapeutic intervention is so important and a constant challenging of ourselves is so important. Its important to embrace discomfort and the unnatural because that is what will help us grow and develop as people.

People tell me that I'm "intimidating" (after a while of knowing me and getting to know me) so it's very rare that I even become friends with anyone, but when I do, they're more effed up than I am. I dunno if they're trying to prove something or what, but I'm deeply suspicious of it.

That being said, I had a very strange childhood. It didn't take me long to realize that I was "different" than almost everyone else. The friends I did make were equally as violent and untrustworthy as I was. As an adult, I still find it difficult to relate to most people, so I'm always wary of new friendships thinking that I seem to attract people that are somehow like myself. I have a strange tendency to just use people and move on. I'm not so sure I'm capable of developing a real relationship or friendship that isn't based on what someone can provide for me, or we mutually use each other for something or other.

I probably should seek therapy, although I doubt there is anything they can really do for me. At least I could explore some things, though some of the things I like to talk about tend to make psychologists a little uncomfortable. Thank you for the reply, it's got me thinking.