Not self-diagnosing, but

I was in a therapy session once and my therapist was in the room with my psychiatrist and I noticed that my therapist had a book about the criteria of antisocial personality disorder out on her lap and was looking at me intensely, as if she were trying to figure something out. I stopped seeing her shortly after that because I had to move. But I've noticed that even though I do feel emotion it is mostly about myself. I feel sad a lot. I have had a hard life. I am 26 and up until now I have dealt with a ton. Alcoholic and emotionally abusive parents, bullying, lots of suicide attempts, heroin addiction (been sober for a year), jail, life threateneing illness, and other things. But I'm disturbed because I think my therapist had that book out for a reason. I have a very flat, emotionless looking demeanor, my best friend Christy died a few years ago from drug addiction and I still haven't cried, I have been verbally and physically abusive to people, I have stolen, I lie a lot, I hate intensely, I hate society and social norms and have no desire to fit in, and I have other symptoms. When I was thirteen my birds starved to death because I didn't feed or water them and forgot about them. I do have remorse though. That's one of the few strongest feelings I have, remorse and guilt and regret and related feelings. I do fly into rages often though. I am very scared. I want to love others and have empathy. I want to cry over my friend's death but I can't make myself. I'm afraid of myself and need help I think.

Hello JesusGeek,

If you feel remorse, then you do not have ASPD. There are other reasons and/or diagnoses that could explain the emotional flatness, abusive behaviour, anger, and hatred towards society. Sometimes we don't need labels to explain every behaviour we have. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist (a different one), to address these issues.