[ocdaughter]

Hello, I'm new to these forums. I'm looking for advice on how to help my mother. She is 67 years old and has obsessive/compulsive disorder. She has had it for as long as I can remember. When I was growing up, I didn't realize that she had a mental illness. I just knew that she did some very strange things and that I didn't want any of my friends to find out about them. It's only been the last ten years or so that I've realized she has an actual illness, OCD, and only now that I'm even beginning to actually research this disease. Now I'm wondering, should I confront her about this? I wish someone would have tried to get her help before now, but for whatever reason no one has - or maybe they have and she's rejected it? I just don't know. I recently also found out that her brother also has OCD symptoms. He has a daughter with schizophrenia. So now I'm wondering about how much mental illness runs in her family. She has talked about how her mother's house was always so messy - was her mother a hoarder, I wonder? Her sister is that way also. One note: I'm adopted, so I'm not worried for myself with this. I'm just finally putting the pieces together of why my childhood was the way it was and now thinking that I should try to find some way to help her. But at 67 is it too late? And, I suspect that she will deny having any problem and refuse to get treatment - this has been part of her modus operandi on other issues over the years.

Any help from those who have experience with this will be appreciated.

Thank you,
K.

[CedarS]

Howdy K,

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation, my elderly mother is mentally ill, was all through my growing up years, don't know if she was ever formally assisted or treated with this.
In my own experience, what has helped me along with researching and reviewing my childhood in light of new information and understanding, is to first be in good therapy for myself. I've found good therapists who help me think through what all I observed and experienced, who help me think through what I want to do concerning my mother, if anything. I learned techniques such as how to be assertive, how to sort out my motivations, how to prepare for possible unpleasant results.
67 definitely isn't too late, but I would suggest first pulling in some good counsel and therapy and assistance for yourself. I suppose I see this as holding true for any sort of intervention with another person, whether it be around mental illness or addiction of whatever, first the folks immediately involved need some help and training.

Good luck,
Sarah

[GreyGoose]

It is thought that OCD runs in families and it is not uncommon for people afflicted to be in denial or refuse treatment initially. Several people in my own family (including me) have OCD. Is there anyway you can get your mom in to see a pdoc or even a regular doctor?. There are a lot of good meds out there and plenty of help for your mom if she'll accept it. I know it's not always easy getting them in though. ((((((((ocdaughter))))))))

[XLR8]

She might not know she has OCD? I went in to the dr. because my heart was racing(anxiety fro OCD). It's hard to come to terms with. Also, she's not to old. If tomorrow can be a better day, it's worth getting treated

[XLR8]

Sorry, I don't know if my post made sense. I have OCD bad. Maybe I should stick to just reading posts for now!!!

your posts are fine.please keep posting

[ocdaughter]

Sarah, thanks for the advice. I think you're right, I need to talk to a therapist myself about this. I was seeing a therapist for a while several years ago, but at that time I talked about other issues in my life. This never came up. Of course, why would it have, since I've only now been able to say it out loud to anyone. I'm just admitting to myself that my mom has a very serious problem. I definitely need help with this. Thanks again, Sarah.

[ocdaughter]

Yes, I've read that OCD can run in families and I think that might be the case in her family (I'm adopted). What's frustrating to me is that her own doctor has never tried to help her with this. How can he not notice her raw, cut up hands?

[ocdaughter]

Hi XLR8, thanks for your post. You know, I think she realizes that she does some strange things, but I don't think she knows that she has an actual illness. She's one of those people who doesn't like to go to the doctor for anything if she doesn't have to. And, like I mentioned in my last post, unfortunately the doctor she's been seeing for many years now has either never noticed that anything's wrong or has just chosen not to deal with it. I don't think he's the greatest doctor.

Can I ask, how did you feel when someone told you that you might have it? I think she'll feel very defensive. I don't think she'll be too willing to accept that she might need to see a doctor about it, and especially not a therapist of any kind.

[CedarS]

Glad to help, I feel for your situation immensely.

You will work just fine through this, gain some new skills, sharpen up the ones you have, and eventually probably find yourself down the line passing on some help to someone else.

I figure that is how it works, I've gotten so much help from good books and therapists and day to day living, it's a treat to be able to babble something sorta wise from time to time to someone else.

I've had to deal with similiar issues concerning my mother, also with my sister. Come to think of it, my father also. I've found the best thing for me to do is to first take good care of myself, keep taking good care of myself, not much works unless I do so.

A decent therapist can guide you through. Some of the issues I've dealt with include feeling guilty, guilty for surviving, guilty for perhaps somehow causing my mother's challenges, guilty for living. Realizing that a family member isn't doing well can bring up such a swirl of emotions.

Myself, I have to watch my anxiety level, and in all things, remember to take good care of myself.

As for reading and researching various mental health issues, I've found I need to take regular breaks, do something fun, change my focus. For instance, when reading up on mental illness in light of my mother's behavior, I had to stop and do something else, otherwise I was just triggering myself, getting myself wound up.

Grieving is also something I've been through and still experience from time to time.

I suggest treating yourself really well, think on what you'd advise a dear friend to do in this situation, and do that. Be compassionate with yourself. Keep up with all the vital basics, get enough food and water, exercise, sleep, fun. Write in a journal if that works for you.

Cordially,
Sarah

[XLR8]

I didn't really believe the dr. when he told me I had OCD. But I believe him now. I guess once you get it under control with medication a person can lead a normal life. I was never one for taking medication. But I do it for my family. I still have a couple of weeks before the medication kicks in. I would definitely take your mom to a different doctor. Some doctors just know more than others.