[Feynman]

Help!

I'm stuck!

I've dealt with depression and anxiety all of my adult life. My last episode, following a stressful couple of months in the Fall landed me in an outpatient program at a local hospital and forced me to withdraw from my classes.

Good News: I've lived without a major mood problems since December. My life has been fulfilling and productive, especially in the past few weeks. I managed several stressful projects without any major hiccups and I weathered a major setback without major emotional fireworks.

Bad News: My good streak seems to be fading fast! I spent a week in bed with the flu and seems to have derailed my progress. Today I'm so anxious and scattered that I missed my morning classes, even though I feel healthy.

Any Ideas? My biggest concern is finding the motivation to go my 1:00 Zoology lab.

[complic8d]

HUGS! I understand, hope that is enough because it's all I've got. I have to go to work this afternoon and am not sure how I am going to do it. Lets lean on each other and know that we are both going through similar situations. (Zoology is cool!)

[chitown]

I couldn't help but say what a beautiful pup you have in your avatar! I am a black lab guy myself, but seeing that furry face on the avatar picked me up a little!

you had the strength to post here.......you can make that class.....xoxoxo pat

[jmo531]

Hi and Welcome to PC.

I think first of all you need to pat yourself on the back for doing so well thus far. Pat is right, you had the strength to post here so you get up and get to that class because you are strong and you can do it.

[Feynman]

Thanks for the support! I feel lucky to have found such a wonderful community of people. I've never been a part of an online community before and this seems to be an exemplary one.

My mistake this morning was to spend too much time dwelling on my anxious/depressed thoughts. I journal a lot, write cognitive disputations, and read lots of books about depression, positive psychology, and cognitive therapy. It would have served me well this morning to spend less time on this kind of stuff and more time out and about, solving my problems. Huge, hairy problems that snarl in the yard tend to shrink to small yipping problems when you walk out of the door and look them in the eye.

Does anyone have suggestions for how they deal with moments of overwhelming anxiety like I had this morning? How do you get over the fear and the impulse to hole away instead of facing your problems?

[wi_fighter]

Feyn, you mean the days when the last thing you want to do is get cleaned up in order to leave the house in the first place?

I just force myself to do it, knowing that getting outside will do me a world of good. Some days I managed to get sidetracked, though, with the books and the internet and all those other things you mentioned, even though my intentions were to get out. Some days, even though it might be 5:00 on a Saturday afternoon and I've wasted most of the day, I'll still make myself go do what I originally intended, considering most places are open till 10:00 or 11:00 now anyway.

I don't have a 3D support system to drag me away from here, so I just have to do it myself. I keep hearing my dad's voice in my head telling me I'm too young to end up like him, sitting home alone all day long with the cat(s).

[jmo531]

WOW!!
Thats a good question.
Being able to be strong enough to face issues while panicking is quite difficult. It takes time and patients. Back in December I was at my worst. I couldnt eat, sleep or function. I didnt drive my car for two months because I was afraid. The very thought of it caused me overwhelming anxiety and my hubby had to drive me everywhere. My hubby used to ask me when I would drive myself and I told him I couldnt, I just couldnt.
After several weeks of Therapy and meds, I decided to attempt to drive myself to my T appointment. Boy was I scared and anxious. WOW! I remember how sweaty my palms were and my heart was racing. But I walked to the car, opened it and sat down and just looked around and made sure I was comfortable. I started the car, put it in drive and took off. I was so frightened. As I made the right turn onto the highway about a mile from my house I had the overwhelming sense of freedom come over me. Almost as if I knew that I faced my fear head on and did it. I put the petal to the metal and just opended my window and let the fresh air blow in my face. I was so proud of myself. I got to my T's office and told her what I had done and she told me what I already knew. Anxiety like other mental health diseases controls our life becasue we let it. But if you challenge the anxiety and face your fear head on, you make the anxiety less powerful thus able to accomplish more and more each time.

So sorry for rambling. I'll stop now.

[Feynman]

wi

that's the toughest, when the sun has set on your Saturday, your hand is in the cereal box, and you realize that you've smouldered and fidgeted the entire day. Getting out and doing your stuff anyway is BRILLIANT advice. Never go to bed smouldering and fidgeting if you can help it!

How do you manage to stay healthy working at home? Being forced to leave the house to work and take classes has always helped me hang on to reality.

[Feynman]

Jenifer,

Dang! That's a good story! I hope you have many more triumphs like that.

Saafir

[jmo531]

Thank you. I hope the same for you. I guess my point was that you must stare the anxiety in the face and either you can give in or go head to head and and try to overcome it. Its not easy, no, no, no. It's definitely not easy. I wish the best for you.

BTW, I saw your post in the Kudo's forum. You said you wont be spending time here like you did today. I thought the same thing when I stated here. Before I knew it, I was here everyday. I have made some great friends here and I know that you will too. This is a wonderful bunch of people.
Before I get in trouble for hijacking your thread I'm gonna go now.

[wi_fighter]

Oh, I go absolutely stir crazy working at home some times. The worst part is that I live in a small town about 25 miles from any "real" cities, so it's not even a matter of just driving or walking a couple of blocks to get to actual civilization.

I don't know what it is about small towns and outsiders, but they just don't like to really warm up to people that aren't at least third generation residents. A couple of the grocery store clerks can barely manage to give me my change without throwing it at me. All I can figure is they're pissed because I'm older than them but look younger. hehe


Hey, how'd you know that's how I spend my Saturdays? Box of cereal or similar cruncy food , E! Television and looking at a kid-ravaged house but don't want to clean it while I finally have some peace and quiet. Next thing I know it's Monday and I haven't accomplished anything to feel proud of.

[wi_fighter]

I'd edit that "cruncy" typo up there, but then all the cute smilies will disappear.

[wi_fighter]

Oh, one other incentive to get out of the house for April at least. The gas station sent out cards that are good for one free coffee, cappuccino, latte or steamer every day, any size for the entire month. Now WHO can pass up the sugary goodness of gas station instant cappuccino?

hahahahahaha

[Feynman]

And the cute smilies are great so keep the typo.

Since we know we're going to have weekends like that, how can we prepare for them? It's important to be okay when you realize that you haven't done anything productive all weekend. Allowing that to launch you into a deeper ugly mood is not good. Obviously.

[wi_fighter]

I'm always prepared for those weekends, just because my work week drains me and I figure I deserve the vegetation time. The pay period has ended and the kids are with their dad so I have some quiet time (even though I worry about them when they aren't here).

But I need to realize maybe half a day of doing nothing should be good enough and the rest of the weekend I should be out picking up the yard, running errands, straightening up the house. It's not anxiety that keeps me from doing stuff, it's more the depression. I'm sick of doing things alone. Leaving alone, shopping alone and then coming home alone has gotten old, so I just cut out the leaving and shopping and stick to staying home.

It's not a good thing to do, I know, and I try to avoid it as much as possible, but I'm not always successful.

I don't know how to avoid the "blahs" of a wasted weekend.

[Feynman]

After a draining workweek, maybe the thing you need is not time vegetating, but time recharging your batteries by doing something active and energizing. Often, the last thing I need when I'm depressed is an activity that will relax me. Veging out can send me spiraling deeper into the void. I typically don't need relaxation as much as I need focus -- if I can occupy my mind with something external to itself, I feel brief respite from the onslaught of emotion. This is why socializing with other people sometimes helps to relieve D and A. It distracts us from ourselves. It worries me that you don't have many outlets that involves other human beings.

I suggest (if you'll allow me the hubris of making suggestions) that you find some interest or hobby that you can immerse yourself in during those long weekends. Carpentry? Fishing? Knitting? Online chess? Gardening? Reading historical fiction? Jogging? Anything that takes effort and skill and that you find enjoyable. Versus. dreadful errands or veging out in front of the television.

Is this helpful?

[wi_fighter]

Very helpful, it's just a matter of doing it.

[Feynman]

Aha, but the weekend starts tomorrow!

It doesn't have to be anything dramatic, just try something small, challenging, and enjoyable and see if it beats veging out on the couch.

[will you have the kids this weekend?]

[wi_fighter]

Nope, kids went to their dad's this evening.

I have some computer problems to fix that won't take long. Other than that, I can spend the rest of it on me. Not sure on the challenging part, but I think I'll head to the nature center and check out the new trails and prairies and maybe take some pictures.