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Member
Member Since Mar 2005
Location: IL
Posts: 115
19 |
Apr 14, 2005 at 10:44 AM
#1
My wife has been a huge support to me with my anxiety, however it is getting to her. It upsets her to see me this way. She loves me very much and feels helpless when I am sad or scared. She is my life and I love her very much, but I don't know how to help her get thru this with me. She requested that we go in for couples counseling and I freaked! I was thrown back, like "OH my Gosh" our marriage is in trouble. Well it isn't. She explained that she just wants a moderator, a third person to talk with so that when she expresses her feeling the Therapist can interpret and explain to me how to take them. I guess my question here is has anyone had the same situation and how did they handle it? My wife loves me very much and just wants what is best for me, but it hurts her to see me this way.
Thanks for any feedback __________________ I only like to fish on the days that end in "Y" |
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Apr 14, 2005 at 10:48 AM
#2
i think i'd go to the counseling with her. she needs to understand the nuances of the disease and it sounds like to me that she really does want to be a help to you........xoxo pat
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2004
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,526
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Apr 14, 2005 at 12:05 PM
#3
Are you in therapy? I would let her come to some of your sessions before going to couple's counseling. You both agree your marriage isn't in trouble, but she needs help coping with your illness, too. I would bet she has a lot of questions that you can't answer...but a doctor or therapist could.
I know how she feels as I am the spouse of a man with a mental illness. I attend 90% of his sessions and it's really helped us both. He also knows he has the right, at any time, to ask me not to come with him and I will respect that. I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have about her possible feelings. PM me if you need to talk. Good luck to you both. __________________ “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou Karma is a boomerang. Trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks. See how I'm doing |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2005
Location: IL
Posts: 115
19 |
Apr 14, 2005 at 01:23 PM
#4
She has been to one of my sessions, but what she wants is a session that we both participate in where she can let things out and the T can translate them to me in a way that I don't take them in a negative way. She loves me very much and wants to help, but she needs to cope with this as well and this is what she wants to do to cope. Thanks for your input.
__________________ I only like to fish on the days that end in "Y" |
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2005
Location: Virgnia
Posts: 587
19 |
Apr 14, 2005 at 02:12 PM
#5
If she has expressed a need to go to a different therapist than the one you see , she has a reason, and I would strongly suggest that you do it. She loves you, and from what I read supports you, now she has a need that you can support. My husband NEVER understood my illness and never tried too, until AFTER I was panic free and facilitating the Support Group for PAD - he attended every meeting (the outside world thinks he is a saint now). I would have been thrilled for him to have gone to therapy with me, or ask me to go to a therapist WITH him - it would have shown me he cared. You "caught" a good one Chitown, dont let her off that hook !!!
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Member
Member Since Mar 2005
Location: IL
Posts: 115
19 |
Apr 14, 2005 at 03:39 PM
#6
She's a Great One! She wants to got to the therapist with me. She has her own T and sees her on occasion, but only once in a while to get grounded. She wants to be with me and talk things out. To get her feelings accross without hurting me and to be able to let out what she is holding inside. I was scared when she said this last night, but the more I talk/write about it and the feedback you guys have given, has helped me realize that this will be very good for us and could even strenghten an already strong relationship.
One of thse days I will tell you how we met 
__________________ I only like to fish on the days that end in "Y" |
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Apr 14, 2005 at 05:39 PM
#7
i wait with bated breath for the "courtship" thread.......xoxo pat
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Dec 2004
Posts: 3,600
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Apr 15, 2005 at 06:55 AM
#8
I think counselling is a great idea. I know for me when I was depressed and my anxiety attacks were outta control I totally withdrew from everyone and everything. I hated talking unless I had too. My hubby used to try and ask me what I was going through. Although, I know he really didnt understand I did let him in on what was going on with me. It was hard though. Its always hard to explain to someone who doesnt suffer from this what is going on because they just dont get it. I think it's a positive that your spouse wants to attempt therapy with you. I asked my hubby to go and he said NO. I dont think he said NO cause he doesnt love me. I think it was because he is uncomfortable with the whole situation.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Dec 2004
Posts: 3,600
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Apr 15, 2005 at 07:14 AM
#9
You know I also felt extremely guilty as well. This overwhelmed me most of the time so I totally understand how your feeling. I'm sorry anyone has to feel this way. Take care.
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Member
Member Since Mar 2005
Location: IL
Posts: 115
19 |
Apr 15, 2005 at 09:17 AM
#10
__________________ I only like to fish on the days that end in "Y" |
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Apr 15, 2005 at 10:59 AM
#11
chitown, do you mind sharing your first name with us? i'd like to be able to use it when i reply....you're very, very lucky concerning your wife...my first husband told me that my depression was "in my head".....pat
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2005
Location: Tornado country
Posts: 2,544
19
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Apr 15, 2005 at 11:07 AM
#12
  You two are so lucky to be supportive of each other. My problems were all in my head too, and if you actually did have a "real" problem, you weren't allowed to ask for help from outsiders because it's no one else's business.  I've noticed I use the term "you" a lot when referring to things about myself. What's that all about? 
__________________ If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space! Rondeau |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2005
Location: IL
Posts: 115
19 |
Apr 15, 2005 at 12:13 PM
#13
They call me Cory. Indian word for "man who fishes alot" LOL
__________________ I only like to fish on the days that end in "Y" |
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