[onlymedid]

Yes, I did it...my anxiety got the best of me and I packed up my stuff to leave work. I was crying....in front of everyone.
I have Soooooo much going on...9 year old step-son (has ADHD and something else undiag'd yet) came to live with us 2 weeks ago and is having trouble with school and other kids. I have a new position at work....it's sales...I HATE sales. I am having a hard time getting pregnant. My car is having issues, so I worry every time I get in it that it's going to die on me.

*SIGH*

The past few weeks have been hard for me. I have someone that I really don't like at work and I just can't stand her. I feel pressure to be the best, to make the most sales, to call the most customers', to be the go to person...to do and be....perfect.
Today was the last straw. My Supervisor put out an email about something and instead of talking to him about it...I started crying and packing up my stuff. He kept asking me what was wrong and I kept saying, "It doesn't matter anymore."
My sup is one of my closest friends at work and I sort of just gave up. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I had gotten sick at work twice already before all of this happened so I wasn't feeling well, I don't remember some of what happened because I was in, what I call, an anxiety blackout.
Eventually, he told me, "Well, let me know when you want to talk." and that was when I stopped, walked over to his desk, sat down and sobbed uncontrollably.
I told him that I couldn't do it anymore, that I hated the job, that I wanted to quit...etc...
That is when he said, "Who is pressuring you? I am not. All of those things you worry about are not necessary right now. There is no pressure to make the sales at this point (because it's a new program and we have another week and a half before anything counts)."
He said that I pressure myself to be the best and to push myself harder. He is right...but I have NO clue how to stop. On the phone, I am anxious. In front of others, I am anxious. Thinking about work, makes me anxious.
Anyways, he let me go home today and is letting me take tomorrow off if I want. He is so cool, but again....I am anxious about everyone else having seen me freak out. They are going to make fun of me or think of me as a loser. They are going to think lesser of me because I am so weak and I freak out.
I want to call T and see if I can see her tomorrow....but I am too anxious to call her, too.
I HATE ANXIETY!!
If you have read this far....thanks
If I lost you along the way....sorry...I am super scattered right now,

[VickiesPath]

((((((((((((((( onlymedid )))))))))))))))



Don't worry about when you go back. People will be more understanding than you think. Really.

[AAAAA]

(((onlymedid))) anxiety sucks. I wish I could give you tips for coping but I have none, I just ride the storm.

[eskielover]

If you have read this far....thanks
If I lost you along the way....sorry...I am super scattered right now,

I must be super scattered too cause I made it all the way through & understood & felt every bit of what you were saying......went through something similar in my technical career as a firmware design engineer programmer of hardware instead of software).....but that part of the project ended & I got stuck in an area that was like a glorified secretary with an engineers salary. Hated it but pushed myself to do the job well.....always knew there is nothing that I can't do....whether I want to do it...that's another story. We were even forced to put a presentation together for a national seminar......I did that too......using all the buzz words I would find without knowing what I was really talking about.......they accepted my presentation proposal.....I was already freaking out about the job before even finding out they wanted me to present something I knew nothing about (or at least not enough to present anything)......thank heavens for Christmas holiday.....but I got myself so sick over the job I couldn't even go back after the first of the year......then a huge earthquake hit California & destroyed the freeway system between my home & work....took 6 hours to drive to work....9 hours work.....6 hours to drive home. I had already lost it mentally on the job & that was the final straw......sat in my office crying when I did get to work....that was the end of my career & my sanity for many years.

I guess if I were you, I would try to find another job that you really do like since you know you don't like sales....go back to doing what you do like at another company. I tried but the whole aerospace industry was going downhill at that time.....so I was completely lost with everything.....ended up on disability from the anxiety & depression that went on for years.....then when I finally was getting over that, another trauma hit that messed me up maybe even worse.....but it had nothing to do with work.

Hope you can actually find something you like to do....there isn't anything worse than having to work at something you don't like.


Debbie

[billieJ]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

Yes, I did it...my anxiety got the best of me and I packed up my stuff to leave work. I was crying....in front of everyone.
I have Soooooo much going on...9 year old step-son (has ADHD and something else undiag'd yet) came to live with us 2 weeks ago and is having trouble with school and other kids. I have a new position at work....it's sales...I HATE sales. I am having a hard time getting pregnant. My car is having issues, so I worry every time I get in it that it's going to die on me.

*SIGH*

The past few weeks have been hard for me. I have someone that I really don't like at work and I just can't stand her. I feel pressure to be the best, to make the most sales, to call the most customers', to be the go to person...to do and be....perfect.
Today was the last straw. My Supervisor put out an email about something and instead of talking to him about it...I started crying and packing up my stuff. He kept asking me what was wrong and I kept saying, "It doesn't matter anymore."
My sup is one of my closest friends at work and I sort of just gave up. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I had gotten sick at work twice already before all of this happened so I wasn't feeling well, I don't remember some of what happened because I was in, what I call, an anxiety blackout.
Eventually, he told me, "Well, let me know when you want to talk." and that was when I stopped, walked over to his desk, sat down and sobbed uncontrollably.
I told him that I couldn't do it anymore, that I hated the job, that I wanted to quit...etc...
That is when he said, "Who is pressuring you? I am not. All of those things you worry about are not necessary right now. There is no pressure to make the sales at this point (because it's a new program and we have another week and a half before anything counts)."
He said that I pressure myself to be the best and to push myself harder. He is right...but I have NO clue how to stop. On the phone, I am anxious. In front of others, I am anxious. Thinking about work, makes me anxious.
Anyways, he let me go home today and is letting me take tomorrow off if I want. He is so cool, but again....I am anxious about everyone else having seen me freak out. They are going to make fun of me or think of me as a loser. They are going to think lesser of me because I am so weak and I freak out.
I want to call T and see if I can see her tomorrow....but I am too anxious to call her, too.
I HATE ANXIETY!!
If you have read this far....thanks
If I lost you along the way....sorry...I am super scattered right now,

I gotcha, Onlyme! I had 2 different jobs where they helped me pack up and took me directly to hospital. Talk about embarrassing. Can you stay late, without asking for extra pay, to get stuff done, so you'll be less anxious? Remember, the buyer is less interested in you than in how you make him feel about himself. Goes for your despised co-worker, too. She, too may live a life of quiet desperation! No body made fun of me for freaking out. Crying doesn't mean weak. billieJ

[onlymedid]

Thank you so much, Debbie!
I'm glad I made some sense.
I have thought about getting another job, but the only jobs in Idaho right now are the ones that are in call centers. Like Verizon, Qwest, hospitals, etc. I have an Associates in Computer tech, but it's been so long, I am out of the loop on technology a bit.
I hate the job because they say, "don't think about being a salesperson, think about the fact that you are finding a solution for the customers' needs." but then they want us to meet a quota! The other thing, this is a MAJOR computer/printer/monitor company. Everyone knows about them, so it's like, I feel like I can't get out of this company or I will never find a better job. I know that's not the way to think, but it's true. They don't even pay well, but I have good insurance, really great co-workers (other than the one I have issues with) and I worry about lay-offs if I switch jobs. Gee, I guess there's more anxiety in that, too....SIGH!

I understand what you are saying, though. I am going to just have to look to see what I can find. I have always been at my jobs for 3-5 years and I have only been at this one for 2, so I may have one more year left! LOL This position I have only been in for about 3 weeks and training for 4 weeks before that.

Thanks again, I am going to think about what you said and talk to T. I am going to try to get in to see her today.

[onlymedid]

Thanks very much, billieJ! That sounds horrible about your jobs and totally embarrassing. I was afraid that someone might call on me yesterday because I was totally out of control. I tried the deep breathing, but of course by that time I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't breathe right at all. At one point...I thought I was going to pass out!
You are right, the buyer is way more interested in the way I treat them and how I make them feel. I have to keep that in mind. I get way too into how fast I can get them a quote or, while I am on the phone with them, how quickly I can find the information.
The most anxious calls are the ones from the government because, just due to their titles, I feel intimidated!
You are right about that other co-worker, too. She is just so snippy, acts bossy and always has to be right. She freaks out if you don't answer her question correctly, even if she asked it wrong. She won't even ask my co-worker or I about anything anymore. The crappy thing about that is....I am my Supervisors assistant!!! I HAVE to talk to this person!
Thanks for the support. I really really appreciate all of the advice and help!

[VickiesPath]

You need a dose of self-confidence. I can tell you on inside information that those government workers with the fancy titles are sitting at metal hand-me-down desks, piled high with papers in ugly buildings waiting for their coffee and/or lunch breaks and practice sounding official all day long. They wear shirts and ties and suits from JCPenney and then change into sweats to go play Tiger Football with their kids after getting off at 4pm. They have fancy titles because they don't get very big salaries but do have good health insurance and retirement.

Also, in order to be behind on pc hardware/software, just miss one week. If you want a quick refresher course, pick up a copy of the A+ certification booklet. It will catch you up. This might not be a bad alternative for you.

Call centers aren't bad if you could happen to work for one that is inbound only. Those are rare and the pay is not great. My husband is a call center manager for 1-800-MEDICARE. He's a former Computer Consultant who lost his consultancy back in the economic crash of 2001 and ended up in the lower spectrum of jobs after 35 years as a consultant. Go figure. Anyway, he's about to retire. His call center runs in several locations in the country (not in your state) but there are not many in-bound only centers. Therefore, most require soliciting.

Not sure this helps but thought I'd post it.

Oh, and screw that girl.

[onlymedid]

Thanks! VickiI didn't realize that about the Gov't workers. It, actually, makes me feel better about talking to them!
Yes, I do need a new A+ book. I think the last one I have is from about 7 years ago!

The Center I work for has in-bound mostly, but we are a new project so we do out-bound, too. I miss the inbound only because it was just doing Presales (finding the right printer/computer/handheld/monitor/accessories) for the customers. It was easy...I know all of the products. I still know the products, but now we are dealing with services and stuff that I don't know much about.
I suppose, for right now anyways, that I should be thankful I have a job!

Yeah, I suppose I should just not even think about that girl. She is getting waaaay too much of my energy!