[Allie]

Hi - I'm Allie. I'm looking for some feedback and advice on what to do. Hope this isn't too long.

My daughter, Beth, is 13yo. She has had anxiety for several years and, I believe this is the root of her learning issues. She has been out of public school for 1 1/2 years and has not progressed--found out she has a fear of being/showing that she is smart. Had her on Concerta for awhile, then Strattera and an anti-depressant. A lady who was homeschooling her made a sarcastic comment on her mood--"Why are you so moody? These pills are supposed to make you happy?" So, she feels like taking medication means there is something wrong with her and her feeling aren't her own if she is on pills. Says she will never take them again.

Currently, she is attending a private school for 2 hours--pro bono since I'm not working and the owner/teacher was interested in her learning issues. It has been a god-send--but only for math (a weak area).

I blame myself for a lot of what has happened. Her dad & I have always had a rocky marriage. He's explosive, so I get mad and we argue. Through the years it must have come across to Elizabeth that I was mad at him because of his grammar and ways of wording that wasn't "correct". What she couldn't see is that our communication was actually missing the mark--I made assumptions as to his meaning or he would get mad if I asked questions to clarify his meaning.

Although my husband can read on a college level and discuss history, astronomy, mechanics, etc., he cannot spell/write very well and is always needing to know how to spell something or he asks me to proof something he has written--which I'm happy to do, but it looks like I'm the smart one and he's not. Or, in conversation if his wording makes no sense to me and I misunderstand or try to clarify--it's a 3-ring circus. I always said our communication just misses the mark--we just don't connect.

As for me, it takes me time to process verbal information. He seems to have one type of disability and I another. We cancel each other out.

She also couldn't know that I was also furious at him on a basic level because of "certain indignities" I had to endure from his first family. (We were married 9 years before Elizabeth came along.) He now says that he "didn't handle his ex-wife very well." Ha!

So, now that we have stopped arguing (for the most part) how can we encourage Elizabeth to feel safe enough to learn?

In her spelling lesson Thursday, one of the words was "silence". She looks at the word and points to the "c" saying this almost looks like an "e" doesn't it--if you squint? I said, OK, I guess you could see it that way. And she writes on her practice sheet: silenee
This says self-sabotage to me. I didn't come down on her, just pointed it out and she said "Oh yeah".

Thanks for anyone's help.
Allie

i don't know what to tell you that will help your daughter, but i will offer support for what you're going through right now. i'm sorry that you're worried and feeling lost....keep coming here, there are very supportive people here. xoxo pat