[veggy]

i was talking to a sorta-ex of mine (sam) that i hadn't really spoken to in about 3 years..

and when i told him i had figured out i had an anxiety problem pretty much all my life, he said it made sense because i'd get so anxious when he'd get quiet and i couldn't handle it.

i told sam about everything that happened with my ex that i have posted about on here. he said he thinks whatever problem my ex has may have been there all along like my anxiety (and it does sound like he has had this problem for most of his life from what his family said), and when he'd snap, he set off my anxiety into a panic disorder. i didn't know what it was or how to deal, so when he shut me out for no reason, it broke me and set off a nasty panic attack that caused an overdose. and sam said maybe my overdose, seeing as my mother told him he was going to be the death of me, broke him. the difference was i was forced to get help because i ended up in the hospital, and he hasn't gotten any help so he just keeps getting worse (now cutting out his family for no reason, and since my overdose, binge drinking and possibly drugs).

i never really thought about it that way.

..like a chain reaction of the worst kind that has left us both miserable.

[Pomegranate]

That sounds like it could be a quite valid summation of two people with mental health problems in a relationship. To make that kind of relationship work and not be mutually destructive to each other, both people need to concentrate on their own mental health issues and seek help. If your ex won't take responsibility for his problems, it is sad, but there isn't much you can do if he does not want help.

[veggy]

i think it would have been a lot easier to make him see he needs help if i had recognized my problem earlier. i think i pushed him over the deep end. i've been working with his family to see if they can at least get him calmed down enough to be like he was before...even with the long standing issue. i've been taking my meds and trying to work on not cutting during panic attacks. i know i'm no good to him or anybody else if i can't get the panic attacks under control.