Consumed By Worry

Since it's been a long time since I've been on Psych Central I'll just start with a little introduction: I've had a variety of therapists over the years and have been diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, and depression at various points. I currently take 200mg of Sertraline daily but don't have health insurance so I can't see a therapist right now.

I'm back here because my life is crumbling. There are a lot of external stressors contributing to it but the end result is that I'm in a state of near panic from the moment I wake up. In fact, I think I sleep in a panic as my muscles are knotted and tight before I even open my eyes. Before I'm even out of bed I'm worrying about all my real life problems, all at once. Foreclosure, bills, work. I try to tell myself that I'll deal with each item one at a time and that everything will be ok but I remain tense and just want to disappear. I try to have a cup of coffee and a cigarette outside as that's kind of my morning ritual but 3 out of the past 5 days that's lead to vomiting.

At work I can't focus (hell, I'm posting this while I'm at work because I can't focus) and I worry that I'm going to lose my job making things even worse for my family (I'm married with 4 boys).

By the time I get home I’m exhausted but I have to keep my composure and take care of my family. When I finally do get some time to myself I can’t seem to enjoy much of anything.

I’ve always carried anxiety and I’ve always put on “happy” like a mask for the outside world, but now I feel like I’m losing myself completely.

I’m tired. I have to do things like call my bank about my mortgage but I put it off and just worry about the moment that I have to make that call (ridiculous since I could just call and subsequently stop thinking about it).

So much as my phone ringing causes a flash of panic as I manage to worry about what the call could be in the few seconds before I answer it.

The world never knows it but I’m always on the verge of tears and my muscles are always so tense that I can almost taste how toxic the anxiety has become.

I have become consumed by worry.

-Cyran0

I feel for you and wish you all the best.

I am a constant worrier also and maybe worse than you.

It's good to see you again Cyran0, I'm sorry you are having such a crappy time. I think some of us are born to worry.

I hope it helps to write down your worries here, it does help to share rather than keeping it all inside you.

I don't know if you can practice some relaxation before going to sleep, sleep is real important and if we can get enough of it then we can deal with life much better. You can buy a CD to listen to to guide you through relaxing each and all your muscles. Try and slow down your breathing aswell, being aware of your breathing means you can do something about it.

Try and do something you would usually enjoy to take your mind off those worries even if it is only for half an hour. Distractions can give the brain a rest and then you can look at things from a different angle.

Go for a long walk and really look around and feel the ground beneath you.

Thinking of you.

Thanks Pegasus and yes, it does help to write about it. I think it's one of the reasons I came back.

I do breathing excercises but I frequently get so upset that I either stop or the benefit seems to go away just a few minutes later.

And when I'm not stressed/worried, I feel incredibly sad.

I like the taking a walk idea, I will try that.

I've also contacted a local community clinic that might be able to see me on a sliding fee scale.

Hi Cyrano0,
I think it's a good idea you're talking about your worries. Most men internalize their worries because they're the head of the family and don't want to seem vulnerable. We went through personal bankruptcy 6 months - it was difficult seeing the magnitude of stress and the toll it took on my husband. I suggest you contact a financial counselor to discuss your options and how best to cope with the financial burdens. I know it's very difficult when you have kids depending on you. If your debt is over whelming you may want to consider bankruptcy.

One positive thing that came out these hard times, is I learned how to conserve my spending. I estimate I save half of what I used to spend on groceries and learned to cut spending in other areas. If you haven't already shared your concerns with your famly, I suggest you do this -kids are surprisingly understanding.

With the anxiety and worries - make a list of things that have a solution and things that don't. Discuss what changes can be made. You could set aside a small amount of time per day to worry and problem solve - after that, don't think about it. One trick I like to use, is I imagine I'm putting my worries in a locked box and put it high on a shelf. This symbolizes you're done worrying. Naturally you'll be temtped to keep worrying, but draw yourself back and focus.

I find many men equate financial failure as personal failure, but that's not true. The bad economy is taking a toll on many people. Please don't blame yourself and take things one step at a time. I think you'll feel much better if you speak with a financial advisor. Best of luck.

Could your husband take some of the burden, perhaps make a few of the calls instead of you?

My advice is also don't drink coffee, I imagine that'd have the opposite affect than calming your nerves! Try some herbal teas.

Also you probably need some 'you time', you sound really overwhelmed and stressed, you prob need to take a step back, have a little relax and a breath, and then come back to the 'problems' with a clearer mind.

I hope you can begin to feel better... welcome back to the forum x

Hello, Cyran0. Hope you find a way to relax a bit and work your way through the malaise you find yourself in.

Good luck.

Thanks for all the advice and support, I really really appreciate it and I think it helps some. I spend a LOT of time stuck in my own head and this kind of forces me out a bit.

I have a lot of anxiety this morning but not as bad as yesterday and today I didn't throw up. I guess that's progress or at least, I'll take it.

Keep the happy thoughts coming, they mean a lot to me right now.

I don't know how I missed your comment the first time 'round. I'm so sorry, I wasn't ignoring you. Thanks for the sympathetic thought and while I'm sorry you're experiencing anything like this, it's comforting to know I'm with people who understand.

Damn, not doing so good today. Juggling a lot between work and bills sort of set me off this morning. Threw up and am now just carrying crippling levels of tension.

I feel like I don't know how much more I can take.

Cyran0

Do you know for sure that the vommiting is related to the anxiety? I'm thinking you should visit your doctor and explore this further. Sorry to hear you're feeling worse.

I can't say for sure. I don't have health insurance and am trying to not go to the doctor. But since this hasn't gone away, I guess I'll have no choice.

Some people do get so upset where they feel nauseous - in fact it's happened to me a couple times. I think you need to make sure there's no underlying medical reason( gastrointenstinal) for you throwing up. Make sure you eat breakfast instead of just having coffee and a cigarette.

CyranO, Has the local clinic gotten back to you yet?
Yes, anxiety sure is exhausting adn you sound really down. I'm hoping you can get into the clinic soon.

No word from the clinic. I was hoping to call them today but work was...demanding.

It's ironic, I've probably never needed a therapist as badly as I do now and this is the first time I haven't been able to see one.

Thanks for the continued support. Funny how a little understanding really helps.

(((((((((((CyranO))))))))))))))))

I don't have a lot of words today, just wanted to offer my support and my best wishes

Peace
Typo

I appreciate it Typo.

Hope you don't have to work this weekend, can put up your feet and relax. How is it going for you?

I really wish you would go get a checkup regarding the vomiting. It will put your mind at ease to at least deal with that.

Also, try going for a massage. It helps a lot.

All the best.

Cyran0, thinking of you. Hoping for the best.

I was thinking about your issue with vomiting and it occurred to me that it could be acid reflux. Have you had it before? Have you gone to the doc yet?

Hi Cyran0 sorry to here of your troubles......what about seeing a personal debt councellor they can help you or work on your behalf with your creditors to where you can settle on a agreement so you don't lose your house or without going bankrupt...out where I live they call it a Consumer Proposal..this would alleviate some of the stress....

Peace and strength

So, some good news, the weekend really helped and I haven't been vomiting. Maybe I was sick and it cleared up or maybe it's that family helped me get some short term issues taken care of. But in any event, doing a little better now.

I still have a lot of anxiety but I dunno, I'm crossing my fingers that maybe I'll do a little better this week.

Thanks, as always, for the support and advice.

Great to hear!

I got sick again this morning so I decided heck with it, I'm going to the doctor. feary wins with the guess Acid Reflux. Apparently I have acid reflux and it's being aggravated by my out of control stress levels. Or at least, that's what they think.

I'm trying to feel relieved by this and deep down, I think I am. But for some reason my anxiety is running kind of high today.