[Hippie]

I can't drive today but i drove the other day a long way and can't understand why i can't go out today. Am just shaking all over and very sad and can't stop crying. Read that panic attacks are caused by wanting revenge or "hidden" anger. Well i wish I could get rid of whatever is making me feel like this. I have to hide in my house. Well at least I have a house, some people don't even have that so I feel stupid. Super stupid. Am trying not to let anyone here know how I feel because they can't make it better and they will try and that will make me feel even dumber.
Tried to get the car keys and go out the door but am shaking too much. Sorry. This is long and I feel stupid.

[Lisa Michelle]

You're not stupid at all Hippie.
Our anxieties aren't always logical, but I think that can be the nature of fear. Like with other phobias, my mum is scared of spiders. But when you think about it, a spider is so small, they can't bite you (in this country at least :P) or do anything to you... but when she sees one she's terrified.
You're anxious about driving and that's ok! You can overcome it, and you've proved you can because you drove all those miles the other day. Today is a bad day for driving, we all have days when our anxiety is higher. But you'll have another day when it's lower and you'll be able to drive that day.

Are you sure you can't talk to your family or whoever you're living with? Why is it that you HAVE to drive? Are there buses, taxis? You know what, actually, my mum doesn't like driving. It's not because she suffers with anxiety, she just hates driving, she doesn't feel like she's good at it, she hates having to park or reverse and things like that. About 10 years ago she decided to stop driving. My step dad still drives so that covers holidays or days out. And she gets the bus to work.
Do you absolutely HAVE to drive?
If you do you can overcome it. But if you can't, can you just do something else that day or get public transport? Maybe you're putting more pressure on yourself to drive than you need to?

[Hippie]

Theres no public transportation here and live out in the boondocks so the only way around is by car or hitchhike which I don't do.
If I tell anyone around here, like my one of my two only friends, she'll think i really lost it. She's a psychologist and I put on a happy face for her cause I know she would feel like "Oh, she's really nuts, I'm outta here!" She doesn't know all the meds I take.
I take: Depakote, Effexor,Xanax, Synthroid,Cytomel, Prozac,Amitisa, Propanol, and then theres the vitamins my doc has me on. Don't know why I put that list on. Guess because it's a secret and I can only tell it to PC.

[Lisa Michelle]

It's hard having secrets, isn't it?
If your friend is a psychologist she will understand mental health, she wouldn't think you're crazy. You're NOT crazy .
Xanax, eek. I don't know the other meds you're on but I was on xanax in Spain - HATE it. You know what, apparently they won't prescribe it here in England. There has to be a reason for that. I was a zombie on it, and it made my anxiety higher in my opinion. If it works for you then good.
Maybe you could ask your doc to adjust your meds or something if they're not working? Do you think they're working?
Oh just noticed you mentioned prozac too. I've not noticed but my mum said when on prozac my anxiety seemed higher too. I had death anxiety, constantly thinking of all the ways I might die.

How far is it to get to places you need to go? Is it possible for you to go on a bike?
Do you live alone? Perhaps you could join friends when they go out, like say if you need to go shopping, you could go along with a neighbour or friend when they go?
Sorry I don't have any good suggestions.

[Hippie]

all your suggestions are good.
My friend the psychologist wouldn't like to hear my teary story, she just wouldn't.
wonder why xanax isn't prescribed in England. Heard it's addicting. don't know.
Am going to take a nap. sometimes that helps.

[Cyran0]

Hippie, if this stuff made sense they wouldn't call them disorders, they'd call them, umm, well, maybe they'd call them orders. So don't be sorry as it's just part of the deal.

I have no advice at all. But I wanted to say that I like you and hope you feel better after your nap.

Cyran0

[Hippie]

Got up this a.m and decided I was going to the market come h--- or high water. (by the way, What does h--- have to do with high water?) Anyway, I was determined. I got as far as the kitchen and I tripped and landed on my right side. Don't know what I tripped on. The floor. My knee is getting a lovely bruise and arm feels like I put it in a vise. Was this my brain's way of saying, "You're not going anywhere"? Took aspirin. What a klutz. Am going to take a nap.

[Perna]

Hell or high water :-) http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/97700.html

http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-com1.htm

Sorry you took a tumble Hippie, hope you're okay. Love your sense of humor; your salvation. Wish I had one. Since I retired, I feel like I seldom laugh anymore, too serious. I do have peaceful, content moments at times, but no fun. Part of the problem with emotional, sensitive types is we take ourselves too seriously. You will be back driving again because you are determined, and not afraid to laugh at yourself.

[Cyran0]

I agree, keep the humor and keep the determination!

[Hippie]

So, Perna, I have an Iowa newspaper to thank for hell and high water. Who'd have guessed.
Everyone, thank you for your kind words. I am determned to get to the market today. A young friend is bringing over his two year old son and I need to get some milk and cookies in the house.
Significant Other says my bruises are turning colors. I am like a rainbow.

Good luck, Hippie. Breathe and relax.