[OrangeMoira]

I quit a lot of things because I think I won't do well enough.

I also quit things if I've bitten off more than I can chew. I find that if I untangle myself from some obligations and take some time to retreat, I can beat back the anxiety a bit. Then I have more to give to the things I keep in my life.

The problem is that it's hard to know which one I'm doing in the moment, or which one I'm doing more if both motivations are present.

I don't want to sell myself short. I want to try to do the best I can. It helps me when I realize I tried my best to accomplish something. And I always, always regret it if I let my fears win. (and maybe beat myself up about it too much)

But I also tend to try to do too many things at once. I am learning to stop saying yes to everything, because it takes a lot of time and energy to fight the anxiety. If I don't fight it, it ends up overwhelming every part of my life.

I am trying to make a decision now, and I don't know whether my reasons for quitting are good or if I'm rationalizing so I don't feel so guilty about quitting. How can I figure it out?

(((((OrangeMoira)))))--it'll work it's way out

all good wishes on your journey--theo

Please don't be hard on yourself? Been there. It doesn't help you in any way.

[ECHOES]

It is so hard, isn't it?!

I took a job that for years I said I never wanted. When I took the job, I decided that my not taking a similar job before was in part because I was avoiding responsibility, or opportunity. I can't figure out if I am now resisting growing into the job, or if it was a big mistake. I feel so anxious about it alllll the time, I have so much stress from it.
Many days, I just want to 'give it back'.
What to do is a very good question.

I hope you find your answers and peace.

[Perna]

It is all about what you want to do. It's your life. You don't need to rationalize to yourself, because you are yourself! Accept whatever you do, as you are not "bad" but do or don't do things according to if they make you feel good or accomplish something you feel needs accomplishing.

I have found that all things take time, one doesn't just decide X and do it, usually there's a learning period and fits and starts of working on it or something like it.

I was 41 when I figured out that I was taking courses in school for me only, not my mother, my teachers, because I had to, etc. but to learn what I wanted to learn. From then on I got nearly straight A's but that didn't mean I didn't have to remind myself and force myself to do the homework and take the final exam (I can't tell you how many final exams it took with me not going or not studying for them, etc. before they became more routine for me).

Think of whatever you are working on as part of a larger whole? You know how when you start a new job it can take many months before you feel comfortable in that job, feel comfortable around those people and like you "belong"? Most things are like that. If you are trying to talk yourself into doing X, see if you can break it down further; can you go further "this time" than last? I count that as a success.

When I was 56 I got a second college degree and the week after graduating I took part in a panel with 3 other student, in front of a zillion (seemed like it :-) professors, discussing my writing in college and what it meant to me (online school so a million papers, writing being very important) and talking about what professors could do to make the students experience better, etc. I had to give a brief autobiography of my writing career and got to the third sentence before I forgot my name, LOL. I stopped dead, couldn't remember what I was trying to say and I'm looking out at this sea of faces all looking back.

Previously in my life, I'd done that at least 5-10 times; when I took "Speech" in college in 1969, I started a speech and got terrified and demanded to sit down despite the professor quietly trying to get me to just start over, etc. and I sat down.

This time though, I'd had a million years of therapy and quite a few re-tries when I had "failed" at public speaking. I remembered what I had learned in job interviewing and classes, life, and therapy and for the first time, age 56, got my thought back and continued! If I hadn't been so terrified, I would have cheered for myself ;-)

Whatever you do, it will be right for you. It's like when people ask me if I mind when I get lost driving and I reply, "I'm never lost, I always know where I am, I'm with ME!"

OrangeMoiram, what role does the depression and social phobia have in the decisions your make?