[Mary1982]

I'm 27 and I've never had a job. For at least the past 10 years I've had problems with anxiety and depression. I've never been able to talk to people about my feelings.
I know that I need help but I can't talk to anybody about it. I'm terrified of talking to people on the phone or in person. I've tried calling a couple hotlines but I get scared and hang up before they pick up the phone.
I've tried to talk to my family about it but I get scared they'll just be disappointed in me.
I've tried to find a job, but I can't get over the fear that I'll just fail. I know that I'd have to start at a low paying job. My family thinks I'm too proud to take one of those jobs, but I'm just afraid of failing.
I've never really any friends. I've never had anybody that I could really open up to.
I can't have conversations with people. I never know what to say. I worry about saying the wrong things. I still worry over things I said over 5 years ago.

(((((Mary 1982))))--I'm much older than you; and I still worry that I will fail in all that I do; and alienate others.
However, life got thrown at me at an early age; and I learned to "fake it"...I was always a loner, always excluded from cliques. So I discovered the Library.

Now, I look back, and I see all the things I "failed" at and I am glad that I made the effort even when failing was a foregone outcome. I learned more from my mistakes and my failures than I did from anything I ever did well. I am glad I tried, I'm glad I lived, and am living--even here, right now, I am afraid I am not helping you at all.
I may be making you feel more worried? What can I say?

It took me 53 years to stop taking myself so seriously--and learn to laugh at myself with everyone else-----

How will you know, unless you try?-----

I send you my heartfelt empathy, and hope that you will continue to post here; as it is a way of communication with all here.-----people here will help ---hugs-theo

[Hippie]

Mary1982, Congratulations for getting past your fears and posting here.
Are you seeing a therapist to help with your anxiety issues? Therapists are used to hearing all kinds of issues and they do not judge so you would be free to say whatever is on your mind. You can take therapy at your own pace so if you are afraid you can tell your therapist that. I hope you'll make an appointment as thats the first step. Good luck to you.

[*freak*]

You remind me of myself a few years ago... I was terrified of every social interaction of any kind and didn't have anybody to talk to (my family is like the opposite of supportive). I got better when I discovered the faboulous world wide web. I started posting on some forums and through them managed to make some online friends. I kind of got used to talking to people at least on the internet.
Then I more or less forced myself to go out and be around people irl too. I'm still very very very anxious in social situations and still too afraid to speak sometimes. But now I can use the phone if I need to, go places when I feel like it and the mental health center I'm going to found me a job where I'm doing ok.

So I think you just did the first step in socializing: you joined PC You'll find lots of caring and supportive people who you can make friends with It'll take time, but you can make it. I know some day soon you'll be able to make that phone call to a T, if you'll still want it.

It was nice meeting you and I look forward to hearing more about you, so keep posting whenever you feel like it

Mary1982, now that you have told us the way things are, will you tell us the way you want things to be?

[sugahorse1]

I battle to talk about my feelings - it makes me feel weak; but I am very comfortable to put it all down on paper (e-mail, letter, forum). GIve yourself a chance and let us try help you too.

Mary1982, do you journal? Can you write down your thoughts? Maybe writing them out will help you talk about them. Or, maybe you might trust someone to read them back to you?

Good luck.

[shykoala]

Mary1982, I know exactly how you feel about being afraid of failure. It's hard, and the only thing I can say is just take the job search one day at a time and persevere. I know it's hard, because I've never really held a job either, and even though I have a bachelor's degree, I still don't have the experience employers want you to have to apply.

Just know that you have a lot of people pulling for you, and don't lose hope

[Lisa Michelle]

Mary I can also relate to a lot of what you've said. I'm 25 and not worked full time for years now, I'm extremely scared to start working again, I don't feel able to do ANYTHING.
I think it's good to break down goals, instead of "get a job" try working on small things that will eventually make you feel safer about maybe working. Like... maybe it would be a good idea to volunteer for a while? That's what I am working up to before I get a 'real' job. But I have to work on my confidence first and get over my anxiety, right now it's hard to leave the house so I have to obviously work on that first before "get a job". What could you do to help you feel better? Do you feel able to join any groups, or classes? Maybe take up a new hobby? Self esteem is important, if you believed more in yourself, liked yourself more, I think it would all be a lot easier (easier said than done).

I hope you come back to the forum! x

[goldgirl]

I too want to obtain a job that i enjoy, which is a concept my family finds odd. I don't want a job that makes me mistable. I like one of the treads that says : what do you want to become? when you are in a crisis, it is hard to see the light and the good things around you.

How are you doing, Mary1982?