[Julial]

And believe me, he's no Santa Claus. We just happened to hear from our caretaker that he is on his way tomorrow morning! My husband and he share a 70 acre hunting/farm lot with a beat up farmhouse that we have been staying in til our house in town is being renovated with some small repairs. While we all share the property, it has been my husband, myself and our caretaker planting some acreage, paying the repair bills on tractors, electric bill, etc. to keep the property in shape. We have seen him once in the last six months and that too was a surprise trip. I have always found him to be extremely rude and totally uncalled for! And I am one of those that likes a day or two to get the house "company" clean. My husband just shrugs his shoulders and it is oh well. I've just spent all afternoon in a mindless frenzy, not because my house is so dirty but because I've always been taught that there is a certain protocol to be followed when company is coming. Like putting guest food in the house, clean sheets, dusted surfaces and crap like that! I wish I could just lay back and let it go but I can't seem to treat guests like that whether I like them or not. I know that he will do nothing but pick at my husband for things that he feels need done but isn't willing to put the time or money into this place. He could care less about the wildlife or the upkeep of this property, he just wants to be king. I know I sound whacked out and I am. All my anxieties are just rolling out everywhere! Thanks for letting me vent!

[NuckingFutz]

King huh? Guy sounds like a real looser to me. Why not pull a Nucking a get lost for the majority of the time? When you get in a rough patch, sign on here and find somebody who wants and appreciates the help. Maybe go visit the sister as a surprise. Then you won't need to see him at all! Please keep all children, pets and sharp objects away from him.

[Julial]

Thanks for uplift Nucking, bit it gets worse! This is my husband's brother! No children to worry about but I admit I have been whispering in the dog's and cat's ears! Puppy is still potty training!

How about an accounting of what you have spent and statement for the brother's share?

[Lisa Michelle]

I think it's nice that you're making an effort for your guest, it's just a shame that you're experiencing all of this anxiety *hugs* I hope the visit goes as smoothly as possible and doesn't bring up too many negative feelings. I hope you can feel pride in the work you and your husband have done with the farm... it's bad that your brother puts no effort or even money towards it (I like thebyzantine's suggestion of getting some money for his share of it!) but you should at least feel good about yourself for making the effort! Hopefully it's all coming together and will look real nice soon but I hope your actual house is done soon and you can get back to that, it's always cosier to be in your own house with your own things, isn't it?
I'm sorry your brother is so ******, I think if I shared a property with my brother he would be ****** too, lol. Any chance of buying him out or something along those lines? Seems he doesn't quite 'deserve' to own half a property when he lets you do all the work but in the end will profit! x

[Julial]

Previously, the tax bill had always been sent to his brother's address and then the bill would be halved. Two years when we were still living in FL (as does his brother), I mentioned to my husband that his brother had not asked us for the tax money. I kept at it, til Gary finally called Bill and wanted to give him a check. He tried to refuse it and I got on the phone and told Bill if thought because Gary didn't pay the taxes, he could reclaim the property, he was not working with a full deck (coming from me, lol). As long as the taxes are paid, it does not matter who pays. The property title is in both of their names. Come to find out later, Bill had been in touch with a lawyer and was trying to force us to divide the land and that is not the way this property is set up. Gary just could not believe that his one and only sibling could even think of doing this. Coming from my own family, trust me, family will do you in, in a heartbeat! I try to to keep my mouth shut but Gary wants to believe that his brother will change and I just don't see it coming. We do enjoy making people feel welcome and I love to cook, making sure things are right. I shouldn't let him get to me and if it were just me, I'd already know what to do! But he is Gary's brother and I don't have the right to make those decisions. But I do have the right to be on guard for his own sake. Bill has not shown up yet but it would be like him to change his mind. We have friends coming over this evening for a cookout, so if he doesn't show, the steak won't go to waste. Thanks for the support from everyone. This is one of those times, I have to check in and see if how I feel is "normal". Wish me luck!

Good luck, Julial.

[2plus4equals7]

If I were coming to visit you I would appreciate you letting me know where snacks are so I wouldn't have to bother you if I got hungry while you are busy/sleeping.

All that other stuff, dusting, and all probably won't even be noticed by the majority of people who visit. He annoys you any way and your husband isn't concerned.

[Julial]

Originally Posted by 2plus4equals7

If I were coming to visit you I would appreciate you letting me know where snacks are so I wouldn't have to bother you if I got hungry while you are busy/sleeping.

All that other stuff, dusting, and all probably won't even be noticed by the majority of people who visit. He annoys you any way and your husband isn't concerned.

I understand what you are saying and it makes a lot of sense. I tend to be obssessive about things but I was brought up southern and hospitality is a very big thing with us. It does not mean that we expect recognition or thanks for what we do, but we do like to know when the guest or family member is coming. And people never go hungry in this old house! lol! Keep the faith.

[Lisa Michelle]

Julial did your brother in law come for a visit in the end? Any update for us? Hope all is well!! x

[Julial]

Thank you for asking Lisa Michelle! Yes, he has come and gone. He enjoyed his visit so much that he stayed an extra 4 days and next week will be back with his wife and dog! I think I may have been too welcoming! lol! My husband enjoyed some close time with his brother, so it is well worth it for me to hang by my fingernails for a week! I admit I had to take a full dosage of the anxiety meds which I had cut back on but that's ok. I'm one of those people that needs their space (I call it my library) and until I move into my house in town, I have to wing it. Like going into the middle of the woods, up in a tree stand when I need to get away. I admit to biting my tongue a lot but there are many times when I should hush anyway! All in all, on a 1 to 10 scale, it was about a 6. My husband is happy and that is a 10! Have a good evening!

[slowinmi]

((((Julial))))

I hope you have some time to recover now and do some self-care to recharge your batteries before he comes back. We'll be thinking about you.....

[Jewels]

((((((((((Julial))))))))))

i hope you find a way around this guy...he sounds like a loaded cannon about to go off...you might want to talk to a lawyer yourselves and see what, if anything, the brother out law can do to change the way the property is divided...my guess is he can't, since it is in both of their names and they both have to agree to the change regardless of who pays the tax bills...i'm glad you kept after your hubby to pay the tax bill even though brother hadn't mentioned it...way to keep on top of things...i dont trust him as far as i could attempt to throw him which would be about two inches,...which isn't too far at all...so call his lawyer and talk to him telling him about what the mortgage says so he knows the truth about what is going on...perhaps the brother is just sharing the bare minimum to see what he can get his greedy little hands on...

ill keep this in the front part of my brain burners so i remember to ask you how you are doing soon... And if you would rather not have him stay under your roof, perhaps suggest you put him up in a hotel, thinking it may be better so he doesn't feel like he has to be in your way all the time while you are doing cleaning or whatever...i hope you find a solution that will work for all of you...

jewels

Does your husband not notice the rudeness? Why cannot your husband mention some advance notice would be nice? Your bear the brunt of the visits and your husband shrugs his shoulders?

[Julial]

I can promise you all, that I wold not have been able to get through this as well as I did, without PC and the fellowship here.

Slowinmi- You are right on with the recharging. I kind of let loose on the husband last night on an entirely different matter that had nothing to do with the visit. I need to refocus, for sure. It is always nice to hear from you!

Jewel- You are definitely right about my brother in law. He may be playing nice right now and I wish I could trust the "new" him but I just don't. My husband wants to believe that everything is going to work out and from the bottom of my heart, I wish it for him, but a big part of me says: not! I feel like I am on high alert at all times when the brother is around. As for the hotel, he owns half of this property, including the farmhouse and this is a temporary stay for us until the house in town is complete. It is something I have to get through and Patience is not my first name. I appreciate your thoughts and concern!

TheByzantine- Ahhh! Trust you to point out a sensitive issue about this whole mess! My husband is aware of the rudeness and there was an episode a few years back when he had to step up to his brother and tell him to back off from me but he was forced to do something he didn't want to face. I am well aware of my mental condition as is my husband, but sometimes I feel that he uses that as an excuse to "shrug his shoulders" and shift the unspoken blame to me. He can be an ostrich and bury his head to avoid unpleasantness. I, on the other hand while I don't like hostilities, will address an issue and try to nip it in the bud. Problems in my past life have included delays in my responses to situations that I should have confronted but because of my alcoholism and bpd, I let it slide til the final confrontations of ugliness and pain. I don't want to cause my husband pain; I try to get through these visits and keep them as low key as possible. Yet, I feel the resentment building and last night there was a flare up but it was about the house in town rather than the brother in law. My priorities are shifting and I know that it is time for me to slow down and be careful how I handle myself and not handle someone else. Again, it is the "normal" for me that I continue to wrestle with. Thanks for bringing it to light with your comment. I always look forward to your unusual posts!

[Lisa Michelle]

Julial, I'm happy to hear his visit has come and gone! Can't believe he's coming back already this next weekend with his wife and dog, lol (unless you're joking lol I can't always read it). I hope you handle it as well as you did with this visit. It's lovely to hear your husband enjoyed the visit and took time to bond with his brother.... I think it's really admirable that you put up with it all, biting your tongue and letting someone in your space for such a long time when you weren't 100% comfortable with it. You sound like a supportive and caring wife

It's probably good you're on alert with your brother in law, although it's a shame you have to be. But if your brother is just taking him at face value and believing this new change then I guess someone has to aware that it miiiight not be quite what it seems.
I wish you luck in the situation, though.

How did the second visit go, Julial?

[Julial]

It happens tomorrow until Monday, the 31st! I hear the dog is really nice! He called my husband yesterday and is gifting him a 2005 Chevy truck that he no longer uses. He claims that Gary could use it more, here at the farm. Why is the hair on the back of my neck standing up? Who was it, that said, "Just because you think that people are out to get you, doesn't mean they're not."? I get paranoid around him which makes me careful, almost too careful. Ah well, five days and counting. Then with summer too hot for him in these piney woods, I won't see him til hunting season! This too shall pass! Thanks for asking, TheByzantine.

Hope the visit is tolerable. Might want to check with an accountant to see if the gift of the pick up is considered income. May need to check the Blue Book for an estimated value first.

[Julial]

So far, so good! They didn't bring the dog, darn it! There will be no intellectual conversation this week. Thanks for pointing out the truck situation because as much as I don't like to be suspicious... I am. I'm killing my in laws with kindness but at the same time, I take time to be by myself and get my quiet time. I spend time pulling weeds out of the 1/2 acre produce garden we planted this year and long walks with the dog. Thanks for checking on me. I need it every now and then. Keep the faith.

[Lisa Michelle]

Very good to hear you are allowing yourself some 'you time' while they are visiting, that's really important, especially in this type of situation. I'm sure your dog is enjoying it! Shame they didn't bring their dog along though. Maybe when they come back again next week they will (lol just kidding!). x

[Julial]

Whoo, girlfriend! Be careful what you wish on me! But I do miss their dog! Four more days and counting. I'm keeping the faith.

[slowinmi]

Julial

You are very kind to your brother-in-law and his family. I hope you are being just as kind to yourself. I know it must be a strain on you even if you don't complain about it. We are thinking about you. I hope things are all right and you have a good weekend.

Take care, slow