[feary]

I can't take the constant bombardment of terrifying awful hopeless thoughts that come to my mind.

I can't wake up to this destroyed life of fear every day

It is soooo difficult to live this life and all alone

[lynn P.]

I know you are going through a devastating break up of your marriage and I been through devastation in my marriage. I'm familiar with the feeling that your life is shattered but you can get through this.

Your thoughts are just thoughts - they're not real. If you react to them, it gives them power. Experiment a little and pretend they can't hurt you. Once you learn to let them be, they won't come as often and eventually disappear. You can get through this.

[feary]

I went to the doctor and just found out that my hemoglobin is low, my vitamin D is low and my cholesterol is high

And I have severe joint pain since I have been playing tennis lately- the one thing I enjoy and even that is now being taken away from me

I see no hope

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by feary

I went to the doctor and just found out that my hemoglobin is low, my vitamin D is low and my cholesterol is high

And I have severe joint pain since I have been playing tennis lately- the one thing I enjoy and even that is now being taken away from me

I see no hope

If you're not outdoors enough, this is why your VitD is low - our bodies manufacture Vit D from being in the sun. I've been taking about 1,000mg of vitD for several yrs but a recent blood test showed I was a little low on Vit D and a little anemic. I hope the doctor told you to get some Vit D. This could be why you're achy.

One day I tried to do my usual easy bike ride and it felt like I had on cement shoes. Shortly after I found out I was anemic like you. Did your doctor prescribe an iron suppl.? Make sure you don't take it with dairy because it affects absorption. It's absorbed better with a vit C drink and with food. Unfortunately it can be constipating. Hopefully taking these suppl. with make your achyness feel better in a few weeks.

[feary]

I feel like my feeling of safety in this world has being destroyed and the more days pass the worse and more aware of the unsafety of the world I come to know.

It's exhausting having these horrible thoughts of all the bad things that can happen.

I keep expecting with horror my parents to drop dead any second now and that gives me so much stress all day even though they are presumably healthy.

I worry about bad things happening to my kids as well. And then I worry about when something will happen to me.

I can't enjoy anything without seeing the risk in it.

And everything I do, my mind automatically thinks, what if this is the last time I get to do this? Or I think of the last time I did it while doing it and then such a feeling of sadness comes over me about how I miss it.

And then I think of all the things I will miss out on doing.

And the weirdest thing is that ANYTHING-object, phrase, show, person, place, food, clothing, anything will trigger these things so all day this happens.

I just wish I could raise my kids peacefully just believing that everything will be ok, no matter what happens.

I wish my abusive ex husband gave me even a little feeling of security and safety about life while we were married- I was always the one reassuring him and he paid me back by destroying my life, taking everything away from me and hitting me.

Now I am all alone and it is horrific to deal with such loneliness. I doubt everything I do and don't trust my decisions at all. I've lost all confidence in myself.

I feel overwhelmed. It's exhausting feeling that everything you do, say, think, feel, eat, try is going to kill you.

[lynn P.]

Could you try writing down your fears on a piece of paper - put down 2 columns -one side things you have control over....the other things you don't have control over...then list them. Truly, worrying about things you have no control over, is a waste of time.

I lost my father when I was 2, my mother 14 yrs ago, one brother 6 yrs and another brother 2 yrs. We can't control when we're going to die or when others will. If someone dies we will be sad, but we have to accept it.

This stress you're feeling can make you unhealthy. Take the column of things you can't control and rip it up - and promise you won't worry about the unknown. If you live to 100 how many yrs will you have wasted worrying. Wake up one day and say "damn it, I'm going to live life, flying by the seat of my pants" lol. Bad things happen, I know - I've had bad experiences, but life goes on no matter what. This is your life and the anxiety doesn't own you.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by feary

I went to the doctor and just found out that my hemoglobin is low, my vitamin D is low and my cholesterol is high

And I have severe joint pain since I have been playing tennis lately- the one thing I enjoy and even that is now being taken away from me

I see no hope

I agree with Lynn here ((((feary))))...don't allow your thoughts to have control. We've both been there and we hav both come out the other end. We're proof that it can be done.

Everytime a bad thought comes up, see it looking like a little furry ball and slam it into a huge trunk. Get two really beefy angels to sit on top of it and so the thought can't get out to bother you again. And the trunk is big enough to hold millions of these little suckers...

With the joint pain take some Lysine and in a not too distant future you will be back playing tennis again.

Lysine is excellent and it is vital to human health. We don't produce it but need to get it from foods or supplements. It lowers cholesterol and helps strengthen connective tissue, bones and cartilage. It is a supplement great for sufferers of fibromyalgia...it also reabsorbs calcium

This is something that we should really all take as a supplement...This is something to look forward to...

Rhiannon

Good luck trying it feary...

[feary]

there's no escape

i'm all alone

no certainty no security just danger and fear

i'm sorry, i am not strong enough

[Gus1234U]

dear feary, i was taught the most liberating and healing guided meditation for feeling tormented. you can read about it in a book written by Tsultrim Allione, called: Feeding the Demon. it is one way of confronting your fears that really has a psychological impact. so when you are ready to actually do something about your thoughts, please feel free to contact me to discuss this book, and it's principles and contents. in the mean time, you might use this little chant: I am NOT my Thoughts, I am NOT my Body, I am NOT my Feelings,, I am ALIVE~! (been there, done that,,, ) Gus

[muncie]

Rhiannonsmoon, loved your mental imagery re: the furry ball and two beefy angels. I've been thinking about it ever since. I'm sure it will help many folks as well as feary. Thanks for that.

[feary]

I have severe OCD they say now and it is very difficult to treat they say

I fractured my knee and am even more incapacitated, and can't play tennis for a long time, the one thing that took me away from this for a while

last year it was a fracture on my ankle

how can I not be discouraged

[ECHOES]

OCD is fear, the same as anxiety is.

Sometimes when a person is taken from something they love, they find another thing to love in it's place. It is sad, yes, but it can be an opportunity, an adventure, to discover a new interest while you are healing. Distractions are good ways to get a break from constant worry.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((feary))))

Have you thought of doing something like scrapbooking? When I was incapacitated I took to doing tapsetries...I love them...

You could also do research on something, make it a cause..I found that great when the OCD got bad...I turned to doing what I could for a kids cancer charity and that felt really good because I wasn't self focused; it was easy to focus on these kids who really needed help.

It's not meant to upset you in any way I just think that sometimes when we focus on those who are in a tough situation helping them becomes a really important focus and it takes the intensity off thinking about ourself and our issues.

Thinking of you and hoping that you are able to help yourself while helping others,

Rhiannon

[afraid]

Originally Posted by feary

I can't take the constant bombardment of terrifying awful hopeless thoughts that come to my mind.

I can't wake up to this destroyed life of fear every day

It is soooo difficult to live this life and all alone

Feary! I thought I was alone in what I think and my fears,I to am afraid of everything,storms,flying.dogs,something happening to my kids(and all of them are grown except for one)she's 15 but if she's one minute late coming home from school right away I'm thinking somebody has taken her. I panic until she comes through that door. I'm afraid to go out by myself sometime thinking the same thing will happen to me. During storms,I think the tree in front of my house is going to get struck by lighting or the lighting is going to strike me,so I run and hide in the closet or bathroom(it doesn't have any windows).Until my higher power led me here,I'm hopeful that things will get better with the help of the people here and all their suggestions and advice. Right now I'm willing to try anything to stop these fears and anxiety and panic attacks, I have let life pass me by because of my fears,I have lost friends and partners. My children are use to seeing me like this and try to help me the best they know how but nothing has worked so far.Let's give this place a shot what do we have to lose?

[feary]

As scared as I was going to the doctor, I secretly was hoping that there WAS something seriously wrong with me and I had a fatal illness so I would finally be free of this mental suffering

I was actually excited but then very disappointed to hear that things are not as serious
except for low hemoglobin, osteoarthritis, low vitamin D, and higher cholesterol

Now I have to keep waiting for something serious to happen who knows when

and my obsessive thoughts that torment me are those of aging and dying

strange