[QUEEN OF WANDS]

i am in a contant state of anxiety about what could happen and contant suffering about what has happened... ." • Acceptance = letting go of fighting reality, turning suffering you can’t cope with into pain that you can cope with "i read this and cannot seem to understand how it is possible...maybe someone can help....

[feary]

I feel the same way as you

[owen2110]

I think it's another way of saying, "don't worry about the things you can't change"

[Mrhomercat]

I'm sorry to hear your in such misery, I know all to well what you are experiencing. I recite this prayer as soon as I awake, and then just before I go to bed.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

It is the Serenity prayer, and it includes a couple more paragraphs. I try to keep in mind I cannot control people and their actions, only mine. Wellness and serenity to you friend.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

We are in this life, we just are and for one reason or another we agreed to this life so if we can't be strong in the eyes of others, let us be strong in our own eyes. Let us say come whatever may, I will try and I will do my best because I know my best is good in its own moment

[rohshall]

Originally Posted by QUEEN OF WANDS

i am in a contant state of anxiety about what could happen and contant suffering about what has happened... ." • Acceptance = letting go of fighting reality, turning suffering you can’t cope with into pain that you can cope with "i read this and cannot seem to understand how it is possible...maybe someone can help....

A part that is anxious in you is not external part. It's you basically, though we would love to disown the parts that are pain in the butt .
Our mind is basically like a dysfunctional family where the children cry and the parents just want to disown these hurting parts. So, this is the suffering because of conflicts that are happening in our mind between different parts. When you become an empathetic parent to the child in you, you feel the pain of all hurts, betrayals that the child in you suffered and it leads to closure of these issues because you are no longer fighting with yourself.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

ronshall,i am reading your post over and over,,i can almost grasp it,,i feel very nervous while reading it,,,im dont know why but there is anxiety deep in my gut as i read the words..if i accept everything than i feel i am not good enough the way i am..my mind just blocked my thought patterns and now i am very confused and can not stay on the subject,i am very mixed up jumbled and confused,,i want to get it...i need a break ,,thank you

[HistoryChef]

Originally Posted by QUEEN OF WANDS

i am in a contant state of anxiety about what could happen and contant suffering about what has happened... ." • Acceptance = letting go of fighting reality, turning suffering you can’t cope with into pain that you can cope with "i read this and cannot seem to understand how it is possible...maybe someone can help....

Take heart. Others, perhaps many others, like me; feel and suffer just as you do. You are never alone. I wish you well. May I add you as a "friend?"

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

history chef i would accept a friend request but i have to warn you i am not a good friend,,,i cannot seem to commit myself to a friendship,,over the last 5 years my life has been very hard and it seems my friends that i did have dont understand why i cannot just do things with them..i am invited but dont go..i do not trust anymore(if i ever did) i am so concerned with other things it takes everything i have to be a good mom and try to better my life.thank you for your offer..i do not feel so alone here,,i dont feel as bad about how messed up i am ..

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

if you acknowledge the pain then how do you stop it from hurting,,its there,,if my child were hurt i would comfort ,assure that it will be ok,,make the circumstances change or do whatever i could to make my child feel better,,and hug lots,,how can i do that for myself,,i do not like my surroundings and i cannot seem to get the strength to know how to change them..i do not like my physical appearance,how can i accept that i have ruined my body with so much weight gain and weight loss..how can i stop hearing the critisizms that i heard from others who were suppose to love me unconditionally,,how can i love myself and stop searching for affections from others to make me feel that i am ok?so many questions ,, sorry if im overwhelming,that is what i feel each day,,i am too messed up for anyone to put the time into caring,for i cannot fully care for myself

[marjan]

Originally Posted by QUEEN OF WANDS

if you acknowledge the pain then how do you stop it from hurting,,its there,,if my child were hurt i would comfort ,assure that it will be ok,,make the circumstances change or do whatever i could to make my child feel better,,and hug lots,,how can i do that for myself,,i do not like my surroundings and i cannot seem to get the strength to know how to change them..i do not like my physical appearance,how can i accept that i have ruined my body with so much weight gain and weight loss..how can i stop hearing the critisizms that i heard from others who were suppose to love me unconditionally,,how can i love myself and stop searching for affections from others to make me feel that i am ok?so many questions ,, sorry if im overwhelming,that is what i feel each day,,i am too messed up for anyone to put the time into caring,for i cannot fully care for myself

It's just the matter of getting awake....It took me a long long time to accept my skinny legs as beautiful....I used to hate my legs and cover them up all the time....but now at the age of 37, I realized that they are the best pair of legs ever....I can walk with them, dance with them, run with them and kick *** of whoever is making fun of them....they are mine and I love them.....

All I'm trying to tell you is that all of these are in your own mind....you will be amazed if you change your mind about those pains and just welcome them, you will see a big difference....people even will change their attitudes towards you....

Hey....I'm giving you all these advice, but I'm still at the beginning of the path....I have so much anxiety, so much self blame, so much self criticism....and still I have to work on them....hope one day, we get awake....

take care of yourself and write to us
Marjan

[rohshall]

Originally Posted by QUEEN OF WANDS

if you acknowledge the pain then how do you stop it from hurting,,its there,,if my child were hurt i would comfort ,assure that it will be ok,,make the circumstances change or do whatever i could to make my child feel better,,and hug lots,,how can i do that for myself,,i do not like my surroundings and i cannot seem to get the strength to know how to change them..i do not like my physical appearance,how can i accept that i have ruined my body with so much weight gain and weight loss..how can i stop hearing the critisizms that i heard from others who were suppose to love me unconditionally,,how can i love myself and stop searching for affections from others to make me feel that i am ok?so many questions ,, sorry if im overwhelming,that is what i feel each day,,i am too messed up for anyone to put the time into caring,for i cannot fully care for myself

I am exactly working on the same issues. This is what I have understood from the countless books I have been reading to allay my anxiety.

We are fighting against ourselves because this is how we were treated when we were kids. Whatever they did not like, they kept on criticizing hoping that it will make us better people or make them appear in a better light. So, we spent countless hours fighting with ourselves. It may appear that if we don't fight against ourselves, we will continue to be lethargic, good-for-nothing people. But it's not so. In fact it will make us much better people. Any good parent knows that by scolding and shaming the child, the child just gets depressed; she does not become a better person. But if we gently guide with love and discipline, child is happy and at the same time becomes her own person a parent can be proud of.

We spend a lot of energy in criticizing ourselves and insisting on doing the "right" things and the child in us resisting these "right" demands. I am trying to channel the same energy as open discussion and it makes me feel much more energetic instead of my usual dead-self (I resemble a battle field after after a battle after all these internal fights). This energy will help you taking care of yourself.

You will have to initiate the love and discipline from within yourself. At the same, you should protect yourself from others which suck your energy and make you feel small and ashamed of yourself. Once you protect yourself and take care of yourself (and continue to do so), you will start feeling better.

[unico]

I'm sorry anxiety is making you feel so bad. I often get really bad anxiety, too. I don't really have advice, but I hope that you find comfort soon and the stress goes away.