me in the world..scared of people...

I would like some feedback please.....

Say you walked onto a train or bus.
You see a seat free and go and sit in it. There seems to you to be plenty of space.
But, as you make yourself comfortable, your arm brushes against the small thin woman sitting on the seat next to you.
She edges away as close into the wall as she can, gives you an angry look before turning around towards the wall, scrunching herself up as small as possible, and buries herself in her book.

Or maybe you get on the train or bus and its really crowded, grateful to see a space, you go and stand there. Next to you a short thin woman is standing. Her eyes have dark shadows beneath. She says suddenly "excuse me, can you move back please you are standing too close to me, I can't breathe when you are so close."

What would you say, do think, if you came across this woman?

Would you call her a *****, a freak? Would you look at her as if she is so weird its not true?

What would you think of this woman?

I have been told that this behaviour is not normal, is provocative, is agressive.

I feel ashamed and frustrated because its tremendously hard to explain how it feels when someone is too close to me....it feels like I am trapped with no way out, I panic. On a couple of occasions I have hit out at strangers.
It scares me.
Behind it is so much fear, at least that's my feeling.

But how would you feel if you came across a woman like me as you were travelling on public transport?

sorrel

((((((((((((((((((((Sorrell)))))))))))))))))

Your not alone. I have a huge "personal space" issue. I do not like it when that space is invaded/violated. I think people with panic disorder/anxiety can understand your feelings about this, unfortunately, people who do not suffer from this do not understand. This is why we feel so alone and isolated.

I know how you are feeling.

(((((((((((((((((((((Sorrel)))))))))))))))))))))))

thanks jmo.....

its hard, really hard.....

really really really hard...every day feels full of obstacles

and then whether this is
anxiety
depression
PTSD
or Borderline....

??????

GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

sorrel

I understand that you don't have a lot of control over this, and it's not at all easy for you. I think you get kudos for getting out there and attempting this.

To be honest, I think I would be a little put off if you gave me a dirty look or tried to hit me when I sat down. As far as moving over, or pulling into yourself, I tend to do the same. I don't want to make eye contact. I'm afraid someone might try to talk to me, which shouldn't really be a big deal, but somehow is. I tend to look for a spot where I won't be near anyone else. I would probably try to give you as much space as possible, just cause I'm more comfortable that way also.

{{{{{{{Sorrel}}}}}}}}

I know how you feel. I have this feeling all the time on the bus and in addition to people being too close to me, I can't stand strong smells-- cologne, perfume, body odor, hair spray, etc. I almost crawled up my own nose the other day on the way home from work. First a guy sat in front of me and stuck his arm up in the air. The window in front of him was open and his awful, vile b.o. blew right into my every last olfactory nerve! BLAT! I had to get up and run down the aisle to another seat (thankfully there was one). He got off the bus shortly thereafter and I was able to breathe again. Then yesterday, a woman with powder based perfume sat in front of me and I literally covered my mouth and nose with my hand and tried not to breathe until she got off the bus. Then after she got off and I was about to relax, a young person (I couldn't tell whether boy or girl) sat in front of me and their shampoo or deodorant was grossing me out. And I won't even go into what happens when a dirty street person sits next to me. That's when I try to crawl up my own nose to escape!

I'm not sure what to tell you except to try to be as polite as you can when you feel that your space is being invaded. I would never be able to say something to anyone, so bravo for trying to take care of yourself in the moment. People are probably offended because it hurts when it seems that someone else thinks they're gross. I would just maybe explain that you have a little claustrophobia and you are just starting to venture out into these public transportation situations. I bet they'll understand. And I would definitely try not to hit anyone-- you never know who has a knife or pepper spray and will lash back at you. Be careful!

Good luck and may you have lots of elbow room!!

-K.

Hi Sorrel,
I once sat next to a guy on the El train and he scrunched away from me and buried his face deeper into his book. I couldn't really see his face because of this and his hair was kind of long. I found him to be mysterious and it made me want to look at him all the more. He probably found me to be annoying.
What you wrote reminded me of that incident.

Hi Sorrel - you write very well and I appreciate your style. As far as your post is concerned, it's important to know that a lot of people on this earth are not very nice and that humans are actually quite aggressive as a species. People also need their space...their "territory" just like any other animal. It is possible that this woman felt that you were invading her "space" and thus felt inclined to let you know (perhaps in a not-so-polite way). It's not your fault though hon. People are just that way sometimes.

Everyone has issues of some sort that they are dealing with and it's possible that this woman was just having a "bad hair" day and took it out on you. At any rate, some people are just plain rude so I would'nt sweat it too much.

- Regards, GreyGoose

I would think that it was gracious and brave for someone to request more space. I hate crowds. I hate people getting into my personal space. I'm not sure I could be so diplomatic as to ask someone to give me more room.

grey goose...the woman I was talking about is ME

thank you everyone else for your support.

can someone please delete this thread...

thank you.

((((((((Sorrel)))))))))
Being misunderstood can be a real pain in the butt.

Sorrel,

Please dont feel like you can not turn to us for help. We are here for you. I know what your going through is difficult, scary and agonizing hell. I have suffered from panic disorder since I was 19, I am now 32. It has its ups and downs, good days and bad. There are tools and coping skills that you will learn along the way that will help you. Please feel free to PM me anytime if you need to, OK?

Take care and hang in there.

Same here Sorrel. Please feel free to PM me anytime. I suffer from PA's too and I know how absolutely TERRIFYING they can be and how you feel like you are going to go crazy or die at any minute. Can you get a script for Xanax or some other anti-anxiety med?. These have helped a lot of people but they can be addictive so you would'nt want to take them all the time - just when you were having a panic attack.

PS: I am not a doctor and am only speaking from my own personal experience.

- Regards, GreyGoose