[kjb1985]

I have been diagnosed with depression when i was 14. 25yo now. Two years ago I started having anxiety attacks, i didnt know what they were at the time so i though i really had lost my mind and actually ended up in the ER. I had these horrible intrusivie thoughts, about the most disturning things. Its hard to explain, but i had these thoughts of spitting in someones face while they were talking to me, or harming my son, or just crazy and weird **** that i would never do and which was the complete opposite of my normal self. I also had racing thoughts, and just kept thinking i was going to lose control had been a heavy drug user from 16-20yo IVing herion, and smoking weed and drinking for a couple years before that. My son was born when i was 20 and quit the heavy drugs but every once inawhile i do smoke or drink on occassion. The ER doc said i was having panick attacks, i got put on citalopram and xanax. The panic attacks have subsided, but lately the anxiety in REALLY getting to me. I found out my son was molested in March, dcfs and police are not helping the case, ive been dealing with alot of other things in my life and recently saw another pych who put me on valium instead because i cant control how my mind just races all day. My thinking is all blurred and i cant concentrate at all, im so depressed i can barely get out of bed or go about my day, im really irritable, and we beleive our son has adhd and he is alot to deal with, along with a 2year old step daughter who is just off the wall and more than a handful to deal with much more than the average two year old. And im completly drained at end of day, and dont even feel like doing anything on weekeds, friends, or next to no social life. i just look forward to after my son goes to bed and i can just go in my room by myself. i feel miseable, and lately ive been having thoughts again that i may be losing it, going crazy, or wonder howuch longer i can live like this or when it will get better,, or even if my life goes better will i still feel this way? Some times in the back of my head i have this thought that i might have a serious mental condtion developing, or it could just be my anxiety or OCD trying to trick me. Last friday my depression/anxiety just flat out kicked my *** and i couldnt do anything all day i sat in my room, almost crying and having that fear that everything is getting to me and im losing control of my mind and myself. I just dont know what to do, I am all out of answers

[kittychanel]

I am on citalprolam and Xanax too. I feel for you that you are suffering so much. A part of it might be due to the issues with your son and how the authorities are responding. that would be very hard for anyone. Maybe it would help to talk things out with a counselor if you dont have one? The meds should even out your depression and anxiety. If it doesn't improve, maybe see your doctor again and complain! I know anxiety is HORRIBLE and depression too. Having people to talk to helps alot..if you have them...

[kjb1985]

I do have people, but the meds dont seem to help, atleast the depression part. I have tried pretty much every other med there is since i was 14, thinking now that most might be just a waste of time. I do have a counselor, or atleast a pych who admisters meds. The xanax, { or recently valium } helps alot with anxiety but ofcourse doesnt help much with my energy levels and motivation and lethargic feelings.