I have PTSD accompanied by OCD and I'm not sure which one hits it on the nail but I have a terribly embarrassing fear of showering. I will panic right before hand and usually opt out. Or stress all night telling myself "okay you have to go now" "Now" "Okay now". Sometimes I fear that my shower is not clean enough and so I have bought every cleaning product known to man kind to clean it. I have scrubbed it so harshly that the paint is peeling off the bottom of it. I want to shower in it. I have my hot water heater set to scolding so that it will "sanitize" my shower. But to avail I will still not want to shower. I will cry if I do. I make it in there two times a week max. Another issue of mine is that I also hate being wet. It can most often lead to panic attacks. Rain can also do this to me.

I have been with a therapist for four years and have had this problem a majority of the time, but worse for the past two years. But I cannot tell him the problem. It's really embarrassing. But it really effects my life as on day 3 or 4 I start not leaving my home.

What can I do to stop this? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Hello, LydiaB. Do you think you could print your post for your therapist?

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ut-in-therapy/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...lk-in-therapy/

I hope you find a way to trust your therapist to help you in a nonjudgmental way. If you tell your therapist you self-conscious about a concern of yours, you might get the ball rolling to a better life.

Good luck.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by LydiaB

I will cry if I do. I make it in there two times a week max. Another issue of mine is that I also hate being wet. It can most often lead to panic attacks. Rain can also do this to me.

I have been with a therapist for four years and have had this problem a majority of the time, but worse for the past two years. But I cannot tell him the problem. It's really embarrassing. But it really effects my life as on day 3 or 4 I start not leaving my home.

What can I do to stop this? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

I would allow the crying. Just "give up" about that and accept it as a good, necessary thing. Can you experiment with "different" showers? Go to a gym and see if you can use their showers, see how you feel in a swimming pool, etc.?

I was afraid of storms so deliberately went out during a thunderstorm on summer and went for a walk.

I would also face the embarrassment and tell my therapist about the water thing. Pretend you are talking about someone else or concentrate on the story, the actual activity you are talking about instead of your feelings about it. Write it up as if it were a "case history" of someone else and you were the therapist (you are your own therapist :-)

Do you write at all? I would read and write about water, showers, bathing, rain, etc. see if I could get any sort of insight as to what might be going on with myself. I would ask a friend or family member I trusted to come over while you take a shower and "be" there with you, a positive witness.

Do you have a problem when you take a bath?

Originally Posted by Perna

I would allow the crying. Just "give up" about that and accept it as a good, necessary thing. Can you experiment with "different" showers? Go to a gym and see if you can use their showers, see how you feel in a swimming pool, etc.?

I was afraid of storms so deliberately went out during a thunderstorm on summer and went for a walk.

I would also face the embarrassment and tell my therapist about the water thing. Pretend you are talking about someone else or concentrate on the story, the actual activity you are talking about instead of your feelings about it. Write it up as if it were a "case history" of someone else and you were the therapist (you are your own therapist :-)

Do you write at all? I would read and write about water, showers, bathing, rain, etc. see if I could get any sort of insight as to what might be going on with myself. I would ask a friend or family member I trusted to come over while you take a shower and "be" there with you, a positive witness.

Do you have a problem when you take a bath?

I don't have as much of a problem with a bath and those are usually what I end up doing. But they still bother me immensely. I feel like there are some repressed memories around showering. As usually what I find "dirty" irrationally ends up being a repressed memory. I used to irrationally feel that sleeping in my bed was dirty. I would change the sheets every night, not allow my dog on my bed, buy new mattress protectors, but I would still end up on the couch because I still felt like I wasn't physically clean. And then I later figured out it was a flashback.

[with or without you]

Hey Lydia,

I can slightly relate to your troubles because I have a fear of water...but only as it pertains to swimming. I never liked swimming lessons as a kid, I almost fell off a balcony into a canal when I was 4 or 5, and I couldn't stand putting my head in the water or getting water into my eyes because I didn't like inhaling/swallowing water and the eyes stinging. This developed into a dislike for getting my face wet in the shower (like not liking the spray directly on my face). One day I just decided to try it, I was able to control my breathing and now I'm fine with that.

Did something happen to you when you were young? I have flashbacks of different things pertaining to my face getting wet/not being able to breathe/getting water up my nose, etc. That stuff can really hang around for the rest of your life. It could even be something that doesn't have to do with the actual physical experience of showering or being wet but something traumatic that you associate with it.

I think you really need to tell your therapist, because showering or some kind of bathing is a necessary daily activity. Write it down if you can't say it, that's what I've done and I immediately felt a little better. The good thing is that you've already been able to let it out here in this safe anonymous forum, so you've "primed" yourself for doing this without even knowing it! I know how embarrassing this must be for you to tell your therapist. But there is no other person in the world better than T to share this with.