[so_punk_rock]

i met with my social worker today and we had a long difficult talk. she asks me about my depression and anxiety and it was hard for me to talk about that stuff for some reason. she told me she thought i was ********ting her or that i didnt want to be there but i told her i just felt uncomfortable. all day today i felt like i didnt want to go anywhere. i learn everyday about the extent of my anxiety. i felt weird and self-conscious and anxious every second that i was not in my house. its really weird. the fact that i dont talk to anyone about anything really makes me feel even more isolated and my slightly-sh*tty self-esteem makes me feel even more self-conscious. i felt like i couldnt even talk in that office. i just wanted to hide. we also talked about what i wanted to accomplish or what i wanted to do with my life. i decided to start ***** off i would write a list of things i want to accomplish by the end of the year. i know ill be overwhelmed. some of those things on that list will make me anxious even looking at them. i dont have any other choice though. if i want to create a meaningful life for myself i will have to go out and do these things. its alot of pressure.

[sundog]

Hi so punk rock. It's great that you are aware you need to face some of the things you're afraid of in order to move forward with your life. And I do think it's really important to set goals.

For me, I need to stay focused on small steps because if I start thinking about my bigger goals - and one big goal in particular - it makes me panicky. So maybe you can break your list down into more managable pieces and start off by setting some smaller, short-term goals? It's definitely good to push ourselves, but I think it's also important not to pile on more pressure than we can handle. It's tricky getting that balance right.....

Let us know how you are doing!

[AAAAA]

I'm a little unclear, was your social worker being an idiot or what she trying to challange you to see the extent of your anxiety.

I would be what I concider high functioning, most of the population may disagree. I work and have been able to include work in my "comfort" zone on good days.

I can so relate to what you are saying. Even simple things can be impossible for me. Right next to my job is a little store. There are times when I literally cannot even walk the 10 steps to the store to get a gallon of milk on my way home because I have reached my limit. It seems so foolish now while I'm sitting comfortably in my room, but I get tunnel vision, I can only see my path home.

[Cyran0]

I can't believe your counselor but it sounds like you managed to get past it and talk regardless of his/her bad attitude?

I lived most of my life focused on huge goals for myself and to some extent that worked, I was very driven and did a lot in spite of serious mental health issues. Maybe that approach will work for you too. What I'm finding now is that I have to focus on smaller steps to function and while I feel less driven, it's still ok, I still have my goals.

I'm tired and may not be making a lot of sense but what I'm trying to say (I think, lol) is that you can do both. You can make big goals and focus on the here and now.

Cyran0

[OrangeMoira]

It's totally normal to find it difficult to talk about mental health issues. I'm sorry your social worker reacted that way. That would really shut me down.

When you look at the list and feel overwhelmed, that's your body sending you a message. It's an opportunity to help you figure out why you're anxious. Do you journal? Can you write down some of the feelings and thoughts you have about starting/finishing those tasks?

Taking care of yourself is just as important as any of those goals you made. You are worth the effort. You don't need a list of accomplishments to prove yourself to anybody. (((so punk rock)))

[introvertguy]

I can relate to the fears you have. I've had a list of goals in my head I'm terrified to face. I worry they are unattainable, even the easier ones. I'd probably feel a lot better if I accomplished them, but thinking about taking them on causes me to panic. I definitely understand not wanting to leave the house. Sometimes I'm anxious enough in which I just can't deal with the world and it's stresses and negativity and just want to stay home and shutdown as a way to hopefully force relaxation.

About your social worker, was she rude or compassionate about getting you to talk? Maybe she was trying to open you up to dialogue. They need to get a picture of what's causing your distress. They can't help you if they don't know why your there. If, however, he or she was making you uncomfortable or didn't seem very sympathetic and you don't feel trust in them maybe they aren't right for you. I've had brief stints with therapists in the past. I'd dislike some because something was making me feel I was just another client in their busy day. I wish I still had access to my college counsellor. She understood right away what I was going through and got right to methods of solving it. Other therapists I saw would give me the impression they were still trying to figure me out. So long story short I immediately felt a bond of trust with the college therapist and felt the sessions to be a haven of comfort and safety, like confiding to a loving parent. If you have a choice in the matter I would try finding someone else to talk to. I think it's all about someone that makes you feel like they really care, makes you feel safe to open up. I am going to get back to therapy very soon and hope I find that peaceful environment again.

[so_punk_rock]

she didnt really have an attitude but i think my social worker maybe thought that i was uninterested in being there because i was kind of quiet. it was just hard for me to open up and talk about whats bothering me. i was already uncomfortable being there but then i had to practically expose myself and all my problems. i think and feel so much that it gets confusing at times. theres so much i hold inside, its a little hard to explain how i feel sometimes. eventually she got me to talk and it was hard to talk about that stuff. i knew if i talked about that stuff i would start to cry and i hate crying in front of people. i usually cry alone. but i cried in that office and it was uncomfortable but i think she began to understand a little bit, why i was acting that way. basically i didnt even want to leave the house that day but i made myself go. i wanted to be there to talk but at the same time i didnt want to be there because it made me uncomfortable......if that makes any sense lol.

[Cyran0]

Makes sense to me. I dread therapy but I know I need it, I want to feel better, so I go. I don't want to talk about things that are bothering me but it's necessary. It gets easier but for me that dread never goes away completely. I think for that to happen I'd have to have an appointment to go there, watch tv, and ignore my problems.

Cyran0