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#1
May 06, 2011, 06:08 AM
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Hi Guys,
Basically I realise that I suffer from decidophobia. It is less with the everyday things (at the moment) but when it comes down to things such as deciding subject for uni, projects and now PhD titles or job, I completely freak out and get paralysed. I am not a selfish person wanting to annoy people however I put off decisions untill people are beyond fed up with me and stress my family/boyfriend out so much with my constant worrying about what I should do. I ask for advice but I don't listen to it. I am currently deciding between several PhD opportunities or a good job and I am completely screwed. I am paralysed by the fear that I am picking the wrong project and will be screwed for the rest of my life. I keep thinking I should accept the job (it is good however) but I feel like Im just bailing out of the phd decision and I will just put it off and never be able to decide. I have strung out my decisions for so long that supervisors etc. are beyond fed-up with me. I am humiliating myself, but i cant seem to get over my fear of deciding in time... Do you think I should take the job and take this indecision as a hint that Im not ready to take on a phd? Or will this just reaffirm my indecisive nature. I have NO coping mechanisms to for how I deal with decisions, its runining my life.... :-( :-( xx |
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#2
May 06, 2011, 09:33 AM
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Hi LondonLuvie,
I'm sorry to hear how overwhelmed you feel lately. I can really relate to your post. Decisions have me paralyzed as well. To the point where I have pretty much stopped everything. (Aside from my art work, thank goodness  ).Is there anything from your past and growing up that you believe may be a trigger for these difficulties? I know that for me, my dad has not helped at all. He has most often found some kind of fault with what I am doing. It is never "quite right." At one point he even told me point blank, "you never make good decisions." That one stuck with me. But I also know that some of my doubt comes from my parents alcoholism and I have found some insight by going to "adult children" meetings - which can also apply to other family dysfunction. (Some of the characteristics of adult children are listed here: http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/Laundry_List.php) I also have found therapy helpful and recently started taking medication, which I think I waited too long to try... Sending many supportive thoughts your way. 
__________________
Keep this in mind, that you are important. |
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#3
May 06, 2011, 10:27 AM
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I think with me I'm a massive perfectionist and always been seen as bright so Ive never really failed at school etc. so Im really not used to getting things wrong... My parents have always been good to me, if anything Im used to getting things very easy. I know I cant complain, but I feel my lack of life experience and constant focus on hard-work throughout my life has left me very unable to choose what id like to do with my life opposed to what is expected of me...
I wouldnt know where to start with medication :-/ Thanks for the reply! xx |
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