[introvertguy]

The way the world works is that adolescents worry about being "cool." When you grow up,with maturity comes the joy, the lifting of the weight, when you realize that worrying about being cool has no place in the adult world. It's a silly thing that kids foolishly worry about right? I'm 33 and because of my anxiety I irrationally worry what people think. My friends tell me at our age being yourself is easy and all that matters. They're right, so why am I worried about social concerns that only matter to kids who don't know better?

[introvertguy]

"yourself," these Droid keys are tricky.

[AmethystDreams]

I don't have any answers but I sure relate to what you're saying. I shared some things with a new-ish friend tonight (that I don't normally share) and it's like my mind is fighting my better judgement and wants to obsessively worry about what they're thinking about me. Or if I speak in front of people or in front of a group of people sharing in a support group, I worry about what what they're thinking to such a degree that it detracts from my life and my ability to be present to other things. I keep thinking that the more I do it, maybe the better it will get, but it doesn't seem to be the case. The only thing I've found that's helpful for me is to just try to avoid having judgement about myself for doing it, quit resisting that it's happening (just let it happen) and focus on something else and finally to let go of the thoughts that aren't helpful, and just 'grab' the ones that make you feel good. Doing that is something I try to continually practice by doing guided meditations and also working affirmations into my routine. If I can detach enough from the thinking it seems to make the thinking/worrying/fear have less of an impact on me. I'm sorry to hear you're going through that, I know from my experience with it it's incredibly frustrating.

~Take care and remember you are never alone

[BatsAndButterflies]

I completely understand. I do the same. I act like opinions don't bother me and I love to live outside of social norms. But I thrive off of the opinions of others. I may have confidence in myself, but for some stupid reason it is extremely important that others know what I am capable of. Even though it doesn't make me any more capable... If that makes any sense.

[OurLadysTears]

I think these worries carry over for a lot of people as they get older, except that the older we get the easier we are able to hide how we feel. For whatever reason, we are expected to have our emotions together as we get older, but that is not always the case. I don't think it is healthy to hold our feelings in, yet it seems like we are expected to in a sense.

[Caretaker Leo]

"My friends tell me at our age being yourself is easy and all that matters. They're right, so why am I worried about social concerns that only matter to kids who don't know better?"

Who says your friends are right?

At age 33 I was barely starting to feel like I was an adult. I was well in to my forties before I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. Add another decade and now I worry less - but I do still worry about what others think of me and whether I am interacting appropriately in various situations.

I think it is perfectly normal and healthy to worry a little. The key is to start getting to know your own self and recognizing which worries are based on superficial stuff that you can learn to ignore. Practice focusing on the important stuff that could affect your success at work or in relationships.

[ECHOES]

Being "yourself" might be easy for your friends, and for those for whom it is easy, but that doesn't mean it is easy for everyone. Also, some people are content to be 'whatever', while others want more for themselves and are willing to work at it.

Social worries, worries about fitting in (what others think), might lessen when some get older. Maybe finding a mate helps that, a part of creating a smaller world where you do fit in.
But I think those worries are there in some way, even if not evident, in others.

[Perna]

I think there's a difference between being "cool," as an adolescent, and worrying about what other people think, as an adult.

As an adolescent we're learning to fit in and see where we fit but as an adult we're trying to "get along" with others. We recognize as an adult that wearing the same clothes or hairstyle or rebelling from parents by getting tats or piercings, wearing black, etc. doesn't really make us the same or different, doesn't say anything about us other than we're anxious to fit in. As an adult, other adults aren't looking/listening to us as teens do to other teens so we can't "conform" in that way, which can make us anxious, if we're not sure of ourselves, because we still feel that need to fit in but can't figure out how.

Yes, if everyone at our job wears suits we can wear a suit but now we are expected to show and use our individual gifts on the job and if we haven't figured out what they are yet, aren't "ourselves" inside yet, we're left anxious and confused, still looking outside at others for clues. The choices and others' displays we see are much broader as adults and, not knowing ourselves and what we like/want makes coming up with who we are at this late date, much harder.