[Phoboxyl]

Here's a helpful excercise: (1) Where are you in your therapeutic recovery? (2) Where do you need to go from here? (3) What are you doing/going to do to get there?(4) Are you worried or confident that you will succeed?Are these worries or is your confidence realistic?

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(1) I've knocked out my social anxiety by about 75%. I've improved my self-esteem to the point where I know I have at least some REAL worth. I've improved my basic social skills to the point where other people are telling me that they seem fine. I've reduced my OCD (pure-O) most of the way, and I don't have compulsive jerking-off binges for nearly such long periods of time (like a few hours usually once a week). I've eliminated my distortions and delusions by about 75-80%. I've killed most of my phobias and specific anxiety disorders (being scared of going to the store, being scared of public restrooms, being scared of bills/mail, attachment anxiety). I've got my life much more on track: living on my own with housemates, looking hard for a job, taking care of my appearance, making my room how I like it, keeping my car clean, checking and paying bills, have at least one buddy, getting up before 2:30 pm (hey it was worse), going to get back into gym tomorrow and looking to re-start martial arts and singing lessons. I am getting much closer to my mom again and I am continuing to reach out to my extended family while at the same time realizing that I don't NEED them to be happy.

(2) I want my life back: friends/social circle, girls, a stable job, stylish clothes (I'm broke so I can't buy them), being close with my mom & hopefully family, having a weekly routine (gym, music, martial arts, Russian classes maybe, etc.), pursuing larger interests - hitting raves, going snowboarding, traveling, going shooting, etc. Having my personality come through to others, being assertive, confident, and self-respecting, not having any more pathological anxiety, depression, or disruptive obsessions/compulsions. Most of all - BEING HAPPY most of the time.

(3) I was seeing a psychologist weekly but not working on my particular issues in a programmatic way. I want to start seeing him again this next month when I get some money, but whether I do or not, I will work every day for 30 minutes on specific cognitive and behavioral problems that I am facing. I will do this systematically and track my results. I will make my homework the central point of my therapy sessions rather than just reporting on my week and my recent ideas.

(4) I am confident that with my intelligence and aptitude for psychology, and my past success over the last two years, I can solve what's wrong with me if I keep getting the right help. Nevertheless, I'm terrified that I won't succeed while I'm still young (in my mid 20s). My biggest fear is of life passing me by as it has been and growing old before I've lived fully. These fears are very well founded since this is what has been happening since I was 11 and since my disorders are chronic and will never go away on their own. However, my worries are greatly exaggerated because the key depends on ME. I didn't get fundamentally better since age 11 (excepting an important change around 20) until I decided to do real cognitive homework two years ago. Since then I've gotten stuck and only improved in a few, albeit meaningful, spurts. Most of this has been due to working hard. If I start working again and KEEP AT IT EVERY DAY, then I have every reason to think that I will be healthy again in a year or even several months. If I avoid the anxiety and depression of being stuck then I have every reason to think I will stay this way FOREVER.